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mizkendall3939's avatar

I'm having a hard time fitting in at my school as a freshman... any advice?

Asked by mizkendall3939 (151points) September 27th, 2009

Okay, so last year, my best friend was sort of the emo type and she kinda got me in that style. Before I met her I was kinda girly and stuff… but I didn’t reall know who I was. When we hung out I dressed up in her clothes and I started acting like her a little bit and that’s when I felt the happiest. I felt like I could be myself. Than over the summer I started dressing like that and I felt totally happy and like myself! But now I’m at a private small Christian school and I am too afraid to be me. I’m dressing how I did before… and I don’t feel right at this school, I don’t feel like I can be myself, and I’m too afraid that if I do be myself than I will be seriously judged. Do you have any advice? I’m in a tough situation… please help.

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20 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

Question: Doesn’t the private school have uniforms?

holden's avatar

Just be yourself.
It will always feel right in the end.

SarasWhimsy's avatar

I truly believe you are only truly happy when you are being yourself.

I don’t think you can be happy wearing someone else’s clothes. Or by trying on their way of life. I think that might help you figure out who you truly are though.

Keep trying, you’ll find out who you are and then happiness.

mizkendall3939's avatar

not all private schools.

RedPowerLady's avatar

It’s nasty and mean but at this age there is judgment everywhere. It is likely you will feel judged no matter what you decide, at some point in time anyhow. It is really important that you are happy. I would suggest you be yourself. You are more likely to make friends when you are happy and confident than when you don’t feel right. If you do endure a bit of judgment and it is horrible you could always switch back or talk with a school counselor. There are options, exploring them might just make you happy again.

mizkendall3939's avatar

Thats good advice, i just really don’t want to be called a poser. and I am a christian but most christians (especially at my school) are really really judgemental. and my parents wont’ let me switch schools.

holden's avatar

Really, who cares what a bunch of stupid fourteen-year-olds think? If they’re judging you then feel sorry for them because they have no life.

Be yourself.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

@holden Other fourteen-year olds care. Kids always compare. It never stops.

But yeah, just be yourself. Try fitting in too much and you’ll start feeling like you’re divorced from yourself. And that’s a feeling you don’t want to get.

JLeslie's avatar

This is tough. It is a new school and you want to fit in, and you are around a bunch of judgmental Christian’s. In school I had my own style…my mom let me wear heels at a young age, and I dressed more grown up than many of my friends. Later I found out that their parents thought I was a bad influence. I was the one who did not drink or get hi, the rest of my friends did—ironic. But, I went to a large public school so there was a variety of styles going on. I don’t know what it is like to be in a Christian school. Honestly, I would start out conforming and then maybe change up later. I think??

holden's avatar

Then take this passage from Chapter 7 of the book of Matthew to be your inspiration:

1″Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3″Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

mizkendall3939's avatar

but im not judging them… there judging me…?

cwilbur's avatar

The two most important things to build your own happiness on are you being who you are (and not who someone else wants you to be) and you finding a tribe of people who accept you as you are.

Be yourself first. Of course they’re going to judge you. They’re teenagers. They spend more time judging other people than sleeping. But this is key: even though it doesn’t seem like it now, their judgment doesn’t really matter. It is far, far more important that you are comfortable with who you are than that they approve of you; changing who you are, when it doesn’t feel right, just so that superficial people approve of you is not a healthy way to exist.

(The funny thing is, if you have the backbone to be yourself, you’ll get a lot of flak from it, mostly from people who wish they had that backbone themselves. And then, in 20 years, they’ll all want to be your friend on Facebook, or whatever the equivalent is, and they’ll tell you that they always looked up to you, and then you will have the joy of saying, “Oh yeah? Well, you were a real jackass towards me in high school, so you can take your friend request and stuff it.”)

And then, keep your eye out for your tribe—people who have a similar approach to the world to you, and people who will respect you more for being who you are than for changing to fit in. This is the tough part—you may not find them in your school, as sometimes you can go for years without finding them, but when you do, you’ll know it.

JLeslie's avatar

This is why I like uniforms.

JLeslie's avatar

I have another question. You said you “don’t feel right at this school” did you mean you don’t fit in with the people around you aside from the clothing? That even if you dress like them you aren’t like them anyway? You don’t think like them, don’t believe like them, don’t agree with them on many issues?

Open's avatar

And this is why we all hate private school. I grew up in a STRICT christian environment and I know what you mean about the judgmental! It’s kind of ironic, isn’t it? They preach about being accepting and loving, but you will find few people in this world so ready to reject you at the slightest sign of difference.
My advice, break them in slowly to who you are. One day show up with black bracelets. The next week wear something else that’s more towards yourself, but not going all out, and so on for the next few weeks. In this manner they will slowly get comfortable with your style. By the end of the year you will be yourself without being completely rejected. Don’t be afraid to be friendly or to tone your style down a bit if they start to freak. Like I said, slowly break them into who you are.
Best of luck to you.
Worst come to worst, talk to your parents about how you feel and talk to them about transferring you to another school.

Tink's avatar

So you are now dressing girly instead of how you like to dress—emo?
You shouldn’t have to change how you are, that is you and they should accept it. You shouldn’t worry if a bunch of preppy-wannabe-Paris Hilton’s like you or not. They are probably the ones you don’t actually want to hang around with anyways.
Emo and Christian school are words that don’t go together :)

mizkendall3939's avatar

I don’t feel right with them. IM more mature, im less sheltered, i dress differently, and i am annoyed by them and there judgemental crap. I like the idea of slowly going into it. thanks everyone for helping me out, i am going to try, starting tomorrow. (=

JLeslie's avatar

I’m thinking you will wind up being the cool one. If cool is still a word, I’m so old.

holden's avatar

@mizkendall3939 well, yeah, so you can just whip out those verses and show them how to act more like Jesus as per your/their Christian duty. That should get’m off your back.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

don’t let how you dress define you. dressing ‘emo’ or dressing ‘girly’ doesn’t change your personality. let people see your personality, and keep dressing how you like.

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