Social Question

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

Why would a guy be offended if you decide to perform oral sex on him.......but with a condom?

Asked by fedupwitcaddys (417points) September 28th, 2009

I am a very sexual person but i practice saftey often. I once had a situation with a guy friend who asked me to perform oral sex on him during a night of sex. At first i declined, but with an exception i commanded him to wear a condom while i did it, he was kinda hesitant at first but I guess he didnt want to pass up the opportunity of getting some HEAD so he did it anyway…...............but of course he complained and bitched about it at another time. He said that i treated him like he was NASTYor something. But nowadays you gotta take precautions no matter who it is or how clean a person CLAIMS to be. Because i once developed strep throat from giving my ex- Boyfriend( childs father) oral sex.

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37 Answers

thanatos's avatar

Because he is selfish and doesn’t have the ability to take someone else’s perspective perhaps.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

maybe if you offered to instead have his dick boiled to remove any germs, he’d see having to wear a condom as reasonable.

CaseyWVU10's avatar

Definitely has to be because of the infamous male ego as the cause for him taking offense…BUT keep on doing what you’re doing. You only stand to gain by using protection.

Haleth's avatar

Most heterosexual couples don’t seem to make a practice of using condoms for oral sex, even if they do for intercourse, so it’s great that you stood up for yourself. This dude acted like a total dick for complaining so much about the condom. Both of your health and safety is a lot more important than a few minutes of unprotected oral sex.

mramsey's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra I lol’d.

@fedupwitcaddys Good for you for using one. It’s a lot safer plus a lot less messy!

BBSDTfamily's avatar

You made a smart call… make sure you don’t perform this favor for this ungrateful dude ever again!

Trustinglife's avatar

I hate when people ask “why” questions when they seem to mostly be interested in being right. Why even ask us?

And why are you asking us and not him? If you want validation, ask for it. You certainly seem to be getting it here.

Unless I’m wrong, which I certainly could be, your question seems to be, “My boyfriend was an asshole about this, right?”

Either you’re not being honest, or I missed something.

Response moderated
Trustinglife's avatar

So why are you asking this question?

And why haven’t you asked him?

Response moderated
Sarcasm's avatar

I wouldn’t take offense to it.
But I’d be weirded out.

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

@Sarcasm why? wouldnt it help for you to know that some one you dealt with sexually wasnt putting all kinds of sick di*ks in their mouth?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m actually glad you asked this question because I also ask people to wear condoms for receving oral sex unless they’re willing to wait until a spectrum of std tests have been run and cleared. no one’s said no yet No one should take offense, the risks of having been exposed to std’s is huge so why would they want to chance spreading it unless they know for damned certain they’re cleared with a doctor? Also, no woman should feel insulted to be presented with a dental dam. Oral sex is fantastic folks, do it however in order to be safe and enjoy, ya know.

Sarcasm's avatar

@fedupwitcaddys No.. I already assume that whatever woman I’m seeing isn’t “putting all kinds of sick dicks in [her] mouth”. I kind of assume that my dick is the only one that’ll be in her mouth, and it certainly isn’t a sick one.
If you mean her past experiences, I’m not 12. I don’t assume that every dick she sucked in her lifetime is still filthying up in her mouth. I realize that mouths get cleaned, naturally and unnaturally.

Judi's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence ; There’ s that new phrase again! twice in 24 hours! I am getting a visual of that contraption they stick in your mouth when they do a root canal!

WickedTickles's avatar

I guess it would depend on how well you knew the guy, safe sex is V important, and if he moaned after about the act, then dont do it again with him.

funkdaddy's avatar

First off, before I come off sounding like I’m in support of his reaction, I think you’re right to ask him to wear a condom if that makes you more comfortable.

It sounds like he told you why he personally didn’t like it, it made him feel like you thought he was nasty.

There are other reasons he may have been hesitant, which can be awkward to communicate if you guys aren’t seeing eye to eye anyway
1) condoms are more likely to pinch during oral sex because there’s more going on, that can hurt and pain isn’t the point for most folks
2) depending on when during the “night of sex” we’re talking about, and other factors, he may not be able to finish from oral with a condom on… it can be awkward to say “hey, that was great, you can stop now” without it coming across as rejection… hurt pride isn’t an exclusively male trait.
3) it may have been the first time he’d been asked to wear one for oral sex, some people still see condoms as strictly birth control

Girl_Powered's avatar

Every guy I have ever known would say forget it. In fact there is no way that I would go down on a guy who needed me to use a condom. That for me is a type of intimacy that is only for committed relationship – not casual sex.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Hmm, someone asks a question, and that person gets plenty of answers, well except for one Jelly that wants to take offense and then gets rather nasty. That’s the one I’m having trouble fitting my head around. Fluther is about asking questions and getting answers. It’s a community (for the most part) of people offering experience in matters that concern us all. Bendrew expects us to be civil (Evelyn knows I’ve failed at that a few times) and to answer honestly, to the best of our ability. We aren’t here to make moral judgments, at least not publicly, and to answer if we feel a need to answer the OPs question. Questioning the OP on matters not related to the question seems intentionally arrogant, and asking why someone even bothered asking the question in the first place is just rude. Whatever happened to If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?

Personally, I wouldn’t have oral sex with someone that I didn’t know well enough to be aware of their sexual history, but hey, that’s just me. If I thought a condom was needed, maybe all the guy deserves is a handjob.

casheroo's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra I agree with your last statement. I feel oral sex is different than intercourse…you should use protection for intercourse, but it seems protection for oral sex is much rarer. I think oral sex is more personal, and something that should probably wait until you know more about the person.

wundayatta's avatar

Sometimes a guy is happy to use a condom during oral sex. If you don’t know the woman very well (or at all), and you don’t know how many other guys she’s been with that night, you might even be grateful for the protection. I mean, what if she has herpes? I believe it can transfer from mouth to cock. Same virus, I believe.

However, as to not wanting one, it seems to me that it does dull the sensation a bit. There’s nothing like feeling that warm wet mouth sliding up and down, with the tongue moving like… well…. you know. With the rubber in between—it’s just not the same.

As to being offended—well, I can certainly see that a guy might think it shows suspicion about him or his health. However in circumstances where he’s getting a blow job but he doesn’t know the woman very well, he might feel like he is owed one without a raincoat. Some guys feel a sense of privilege. Some feel like if they’ve taken you to dinner, then you owe them. If they actually paid for it directly, I think they feel gypped if they don’t get to go commando.

If a guy were unwilling or complained about it, I’d question his attitude towards women. It could be a sign of disrespect, and perhaps even that the guy could be abusive. It suggests the guy thinks that a woman should be subservient. If I were a woman and the guy complained, I’d get my clothes on and get outta there. Although, you did say it happened later on that he was bitching about it. Maybe he was just in a bad mood. Or maybe he’s the kind of guy I’ve been describing. Either way, you might want to reconsider next time you get the itch and he’s the only guy around.

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

Agrees with @Sarcasm I’d be weirded out too.

The man in question shouldn’t get so worked up about it. If he doesn’t like wearing the condom he’s free to find someone who won’t insist he wear one.

trogdor_87's avatar

They make thoes flavored condoms for a reason…

Sarcasm's avatar

Flavored or not, they still feel like sucking on a balloon don’t they? Here I am, a powerful young man of 20, never having sucked on a condom. Where did I go wrong in life?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Guys, here’s another way of looking at it:

I want to suck on it enough to where I am willing to have you wrap it up instead of telling you to forget it all together.

trogdor_87's avatar

don’t be so hard on yourself, you can suck on all the condoms you want…just don’t do it in public…or do!?!?!?!

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@fedupwitcaddys: I mean instead of refusing all together if it’s a new partner I don’t have the test results with. I’m willing to put up with a little balloon texture in order to enjoy someone and give them some pleasure too.

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence thank you… glad some people can see the positive side to the situation. Being this was a fairly NEW partner that i liked, i did not wanna take any chances. some comments i read stated that they felt condoms were for BIRTH CONTROL but as i stated earlier… childs father caused me to get strep throat. i dont know if its because he’s UNCIRCUMCISED and un circumcised men usually harbor bacteria underneath their foreskin or he had issues. so thats why i feel like you gotta protect your Pu**y and throat. and MEN shouldnt be offended if you take precautions. shit happens.

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

Okay, I’ll say it: Pussy.

Okay, perhaps you should have part of your sexual anatomy cut away.

Ishkabible's avatar

Assuming he doesn’t have an std, his penis is probably as clean as his hands are. Probably, the only time his penis would touch something besides his clothes, after being washed, is when he uses the bathroom and touches it with his hands. Also, his urine should be sterile, so that wouldn’t make him less clean.

I’m not sure how long organisms that cause stds can last on non-genital parts of the skin. If they can last a few minutes while not on the genitals, then, I guess wearing a condom during oral sex could stop stds, as long as you didn’t touch the skin of his penis while putting on the condom or touch a part of his body that he touched after touching his penis and then touch a part of your body that the organsims could come in through. The touching of another part of your body would be unnecessary, I believe, if you had a cut on your hand, though.

BBQsomeCows's avatar

80% of medical treatment is “lifestyle” related.

be as very sexual as you like with one person ever

Zen_Again's avatar

I, personally, would not take offense. However, when I go down on you, please hold the sandwich baggy close to your vagina and do not let it move while I perform fellacio. Thanks.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Gadzooks, what if he said before going down on you “here is some douche, and you go…you know, before we proceed”. You would not feel at least a little put off especially if you know you clean very good? Look at it that way.

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