General Question

Evol's avatar

Will a man tell you he's seeing other women if he knows you want to know?

Asked by Evol (84points) October 5th, 2009

pretty basic. I think he’s a good guy, but my guy friends are saying all guys are the same.

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15 Answers

cwilbur's avatar

Have you asked him? Do you have reason to believe that he’s playing the field? Have you had a discussion about being monogamous?

And no, all guys are not the same, any more than all women are the same. Taking a reductionist attitude like that one and convincing yourself that other people are unknowable and inscrutable in their motivations will pretty much ensure you have miserable relationships.

gussnarp's avatar

Um, no, all guys are not the same. That being said, from my perspective this question doesn’t even make sense, because the notion of seeing other women doesn’t make sense. I guess I’m old fashioned. That said, the answer is, if he thinks seeing other women is perfectly OK, then he would tell you. If he thinks it is cheating, then if he is doing it, he probably won’t tell you.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

Depends on the guy. Not all men are alike. That’s an awful generalization. Have you asked him if he’s dating other women? If he said no but you still don’t trust him, that should tell you something. You’re intuition is usually right in situations like this. Do you really want to have a relationship with a man that may or may not be lying about whether or not he’s dating anyone else? Probably not.

flow91's avatar

no. some guys just have your cake and eat hers too.
If this guy KNOWS you want to know and has still not told you…..thats your answer, he doesnt want you to know. I suggest if he is seeing someone else, you see someone else until you guys make it official. On the other side of the fence, Not all guys are the same. You should clarify this with him. But if your feeling another woman is involved, your instinct is nearly always right. My advice to you is : Dont settle for a guy who knows you feeling unsure and doesnt reassure you. Its a bad sign.

loser's avatar

If he’s a decent guy, he should.

TheIncomparableBenziniBrothers's avatar

How to Make Someone Tell the Truth

1. Try to trick the person you want the truth from. For example, you may convince them you already know the truth, and just want them to conspire with you about what you seem to know.
2. Make the person you are trying to get the truth out of think that the truth is no big deal, or you do not care what the truth is, and they may blurt it out from frustration, to try and impress you, or to brag about it. Suppose you want to know what someone’s grade is, but think they may not be truthful, you may tell them you made a low grade, and don’t care, you are glad that you did, then they may brag about what they actually made, instead of inflating their grade.
3. Look for evidence that pertains to what the truth you are looking for is. If you want to know the truth about where someone got a new bike, and you suspect they stole it, you may find proof which you can present to the person to convince them to confess.
4. Encourage the person to look you in the eye when they discuss the subject you are trying to get the truth about. Many people find it difficult to lie when looking someone in the eye. Keep in mind, however, that “good” liars know this and will try to maintain eye contact at all times to over-compensate for the previous statement. It’s natural to break eye contact while thinking, but not natural to look you straight in the eye at all times.
5. Talk to the person’s friends, and see if they are willing to help you. Often someone will share the truth to close friends, but you have to consider whether a close friend would “sell out” their friend, or lie to you also.
6. Use the person’s weakness against them. An adult might use an underhanded method against another adult, by provided alcoholic beverages to the “secret keeper”, in an effort to get them inebriated and learn the truth.
7. Pretend you hear them talking in their sleep, if it is a member of your close family who might think you have an opportunity to listen to what they may say while they are sleeping.
8. Threaten them with exposure if the truth is not voluntarily offered. If someone is guilty of some serious transgression, they may be more willing to share the truth if it will lessen the punishment, or make it easier to accept the consequences.
9. Decide at the beginning of your effort to get at the truth what you are willing to do, and whether it is justified and ethical to do it. If you are being nosy, you may not have any “right” to the truth, but if someone is hiding something which could either cause serious trouble for someone, or get someone out of trouble, it may justify using serious measures to get the truth.
10. Stay Calm If you find people are lying to you, or not telling you the whole truth, on a regular basis, perhaps you should look at yourself. How do you react and respond to situations when they are presented to you? If you react in an upset or angry manner on a regular basis, people will feel uncomfortable and will soon start to hold back or omit certain details. They will try to paint the picture in a way that is more comfortable and easy for you to accept. Consider keeping lines of communication open by reacting to information in a calm manner, even when the truth isn’t pretty. Let people know they can be open and honest with you. Together you can take the situation and deal with it, either to solve, correct, or address the issue to make it better.

Jeruba's avatar

In more than half a century of observation I have never seen any evidence whatsoever to indicate that guys are all the same. Thank goodness.

However, seeing other people is not necessarily cheating. I don’t know where this notion came from. Not every date amounts to a committed relationship. If you are seeing someone exclusively and you believe he has agreed to see you exclusively, and then he dates around, yeah; but a person doesn’t belong to you after a couple of dates. Maybe he isn’t seeing anyone else but would like to. A lot depends on what your relationship is and what the understanding between you is. We don’t have much information.

CMaz's avatar

If he has half a brain he wont. As much as you want to know.
You really don’t.

Jeruba's avatar

And that’s an answer some guys would give, @ChazMaz, but not all.

Isn’t it funny how people don’t want to be stereotyped, but then they think that what’s true of them goes for everyone in their group? no matter how broad the group is?

CMaz's avatar

Just being honest. :-)
Not an issue of stereotype. Some things are just the way they are. Especially this question.
Some people are more honest to their feelings then others. Instead of trying to fit into the ever changing, generic mold that society pushes on us.
You want to know, but you really don’t. But the question has been brought up. So you want to be all big about handling the truth. So you are told the truth, though you really did not want the answer that was told. Now the cat is out of the bag. Especially when it comes to two people that like one another. Getting to know one another. That type of information is insignificant to the betterment of the relationship. The only goal is to develop a closer relationship, so there is no other people in the mix. To share that information takes away the feeling that you are #1. That only weakens the connection. When you should be strengthening it.
Sometimes curiosity does kill the cat.


frdelrosario's avatar

He’ll probably find some way to let you know without telling you.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

If he wants you to know in order that you not push him for a relationship then yes, he will tell you he wants to or actually does see other women and hopefully he does it politely and not arrogantly.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Are your guy friends also friends of the guy you’re interested in? If they know him and they’re saying that, listen to them.

Not all guys are the same, though… So your friends are wrong about that. However, in a lot of cases, no, he won’t tell you simply because you want to know.

bxgirl's avatar

It depends on the type of man he is and how you broach the subject. I am not the type to beat around the bush, so I would ask point blank. I say ,“everyone you sleep with I am sleeping with. You will not play Russian roulette with my life. I insist on knowing what is going on up front so I have a choice of whether I will accept what is going on or not.” God granted you free will-don’t let a man take it away from you.

Evol's avatar

thanks bxgirl I’m gonna use your language!!! Very helpful!!!!

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