General Question

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Should I hire a Spy for my 13 year old Son's first date?

Asked by RealEyesRealizeRealLies (30930points) October 7th, 2009

I actually trust him very much. So proud he came to me for the weed, vodka and condoms. Had to dust off the old bottle of Hi-Karate’ cologne and I slipped a 5th of Mad-Dog in his jacket liner for good measure. I think he’s set.

But what if he does something bad, like forget to tip the bus-girl at Nacho Mamma’s? Plus I’ll admit to being excitedly curious of peeking into their night. Two young luv-brats chomping tacos and saving the world together. I wonder how I’d mic that table?

Makes me want my youth back. I’d love to get this date recorded somehow… but should I? All he talks about is Christen, Christen, Christen…

Is Christen a girls name or a boys name?

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54 Answers

steelerspilot's avatar

I would hire a spy to be funny. He could film it and everything. I think it would be funny. Put it on YouTube. Metacafe.

Allie's avatar

Your first sentence is ”I actually trust him very much.” If you trust him, why would you hire a spy to follow him? That seems like a step in the wrong direction to me.
A first date is kind of a big thing to a 13-year-old. Try not to ruin it for him. You might think it’s funny, he might be mortified.

Sarcasm's avatar

Trust him.

I’ve never heard of Christen as a name, but I’ve heard Kristen, which is definitely a girl’s name. Should it matter? Worry about your son being happy, not about him being straight.

DarkScribe's avatar

Sure. James Bond would be a good start – he could teach him a thing or two about getting girls into bed. Of course if the date goes sour he can dispose of the bodies too.

Likeradar's avatar

Be proud of him for being a trustworthy young man, and proud of yourself for helping him be that way. And do not hire a spy.

@steelerspilot He’s 13. Guess how I know. :)

Grisaille's avatar

@Allie I’m certain it’s a joke. He’s reaching out to Fluther because his boy is growin’ up.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies DO IT.

Damn_Tony's avatar

They are just going out for tacos, and it’s his first date. Just let him be, if he wants to let you know how it went he will tell you by himself. And you said you trusted him.

dpworkin's avatar

Dress as a Mime, and follow them yourself, imitating his every gesture. Don’t forget to keep silent.

PretentiousArtist's avatar

@Sarcasm The last line in your response was so emotional and powerful, I just shed a tear. It used me like a tissue and threw me away. I shall give you what these denizens people call “lurve”.

Ivan's avatar

This question wins.

Grisaille's avatar



J0E's avatar

I think it’s a great idea. I recommend hiring this guy, I’ve heard nothing but good things about him.

steelerspilot's avatar

Christen sounds like a boy name. I got a friend named Christen. He is a boy. But i know a boy and a girl named Taylor. Christen may be a girl and boy name.

oratio's avatar

You supply your 13 yo weed?

dpworkin's avatar

@oratio Believe me, in that neighborhood, the kid should not be buying it on the street. Even though he does have a weed allowance.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


It’s actually a bag of stale parsely, but he won’t know the difference.

El_Cadejo's avatar

LOL you trust your 13 year old enough to give him alcohol and even hide some in his jacket for him, but not enough to go on a date by himself?

steelerspilot's avatar

What is the vodka. Is it real. The police can track your ip right down to your house and arrest you for giving a minor alchohal. I bet it isn’t real vodka. If so, the police will be coming

MissAusten's avatar

Make sure you meet this Christen person first. Grill him or her mercilessly about his or her criminal background, family connections, and taste in music. Rent a lie detector machine for this purpose.

Next, call Christen’s parents and introduce yourself. Grill them about their religious and political affiliations. Ask for all the dirt on Christen. Ask if they would sign a waiver allowing you to film and record their child for purposes of later blackmail. Insist on being allowed to come over and inspect his or her room, computer, and diaries.

Get a DNA sample.

Administer a drug test. They are available at the local drugstore. If they have a test for STDs, pick that up too.

After all of this, if Christen still wants to eat tacos with your son, then by all means hire a detective.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


Kettle One is the only real vodka on the planet. I share mine with no one.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


Excellent advice MissAusten.

steelerspilot's avatar

Lol, what did you use for the fake vodka.

Sarcasm's avatar

Find your son’s myspace. See if it says he’s gay. See if he’s got a “Christen” on his top friends.

PretentiousArtist's avatar

Now you’re just pushing it

DominicX's avatar

“Christen” is a GIRL’S name, you guys. Most often in the world. lists it only under “girl”. Alternative spelling of “Kristen”, which is hella a girl’s name.

steelerspilot's avatar

No There are boys named Christen. There are also a lot of gay boys. It probably is a girl, but you need to figure it out.

dpworkin's avatar

How do we know this so-called “Christen” is human, let alone straight?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


I never said I gave him vodka. I only said he came to me for it.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


Good point. I’ve dated a few alien animals myself.

steelerspilot's avatar

Oh well. I know a responcible parent would never do that. So for your part good job. His part. Bad!

dpworkin's avatar

My ex-wife has no human DNA. But the authorities are as afraid of her as I am.

juniper's avatar

This is the funniest question I’ve seen in a long time.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m sorry, @RealEyesRealizeRealLies, and I know this will come as a shock to you, but you’re just a terrible parent! Your boy comes to you for weed, alcohol and condoms, and all you give him is a lecture? This is totally irresponsible! It is your duty as a God-fearing father, to supply him with Grey Goose, Acapulco Gold, flavored condoms and a certain sex toy. You know the one I mean. Don’t pretend you don’t.

As to the “spy,” frankly, I’m shocked you should even ask. I have family protective services on speed dial, you know, and it is only out of respect for you, and your generally consistent level-headedness that I have not punched that button yet. In fact, I’m pretty sure you are joking about this. You’ve probably had a spy lined up for months, if not years, and you’re just pulling our collective leg.

Now, on the off chance that you haven’t yet done the properly fatherly responsible thing, and you have not yet hired your surveillance specialist, I happen to know this ex-Green Beret, who I can assure you does an excellent job. A bag man par excellence! He’s not cheap, of course, but, as I always say, if you’re going to be a father, you might as well be a father!

dpworkin's avatar

what’s Cuervo? chopped liver?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


Yeah… I know the one you mean. I’m not ready to give it back yet, not quite yet.

“family protective services on speed dial”


RabidTheRat's avatar

I don’t think you should. That shows you don’t trust him. Plus he would never trust you again if he found out. And he will, someday.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

That is very solid advise. Thank you.

dpworkin's avatar

Nah, he’ll never know.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

So wait, is this question a joke or is it serious?!? I am SO CONFUSED!

shilolo's avatar

If you go through with this plan, I’m notifying every reputable new outlet I can.
Example 1
Example 2

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

We all need our Daily Onion.

hartford3's avatar

I don thin Mad Doggy and Tacoes such a good mix gringo!

deepdivercwa55m's avatar

Look from the one side is not that good spyin at him, because id he wanted you to know what he will do, the date wouldn’t have happened!! But you could spy him just for fun, and when he comes home watch the video together and advice him about the things he did!!!

wundayatta's avatar

@dimitris Now why didn’t I think of that?!? GA!

CMaz's avatar

“Is Christen a girls name or a boys name?”

You have not met this person?
This an official date? He needs to bring this individual around to meet.
That is the respectful thing to do. For her, and for you.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


Is it really worth me sobering up just to meet the SO? GAWD! What do you want from me Chaz?

CMaz's avatar

Yea, I see your point.
But she could be a crack whore. With her own weed.
Saving you a few dollars having to toss your son some of your stash.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Oh well since you put it that way… :)

doggywuv's avatar

No, unless it’s for his safety. You need to respect his privacy.

noodle_poodle's avatar

lol no! funny question though! its your sons life not yours if you cant understand that when they are 13 if your not careful by the time they are 16 they’ll be gone because they are desperate for space and respect

lazydaisy's avatar

a girl name. my name.
ixnay on the yspay

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