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Caitlyn9239's avatar

How do you deal with abusive older brothers?

Asked by Caitlyn9239 (73points) October 8th, 2009

I am a seventeen year old girl and recently my brother hit me with a cardboard brochure which has caused bruising on my eyeball aswell as swelling and cuts on my eyelid. My parents were furious at him but won’t kick him out of home because i no longer feel safe to live with him. He is 21 years old so is capable of living away from home and this isnt the first time he has been abusive towards me. The worst thing about it was that i didnt even do anything wrong i just told him really nicely to calm down because he was being a real jerk and he hit me. What should i do? I am on anti-depressants because the whole situation has really affected me.

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6 Answers

aprilsimnel's avatar

You may have to remove yourself if he’s ignoring your demands to stop hitting you. If you leave to a trusted relative’s or friend’s place for a little while, perhaps your parents and brother might see the seriousness of the issue. In any event, your safety is paramount. If you really are in fear for yourself and don’t think you’re getting the help you need from your parents, get out ASAP.

At least then you can get some space to think about how you’re going to deal with these relationships and how to get on with your life.

CMaz's avatar

“i no longer feel safe to live with him.”

That worries me. Tell your school counselor, tell your teacher. Let others know of your situation. They can back you up and help in YOUR defense if things get worse.
Honestly. If you REALLY feel that way. Also let them know you are going to call the police, it is that bad.

Then do it. Or warn your parents of your intentions before you do.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I agree with @aprilsimnel in that you may have to remove yourself from your home. Parents should be the people you trust the most and can rely on for protection but I know this isn’t always the way it is and waiting or wanting them to step up might not go your way. Protect yourself, take your life unto yourself. Most states will grant emancipation to under 18 years olds who can show they have a plan to support themselves, you might look into that.

marinelife's avatar

I am sorry this has happened to you. I would calmly-not when there is any situation going on-and with your parents present, tell your brother that hitting you is a crime, and if he does it again you will call the police.

I would avoid him at home as much as possible. Advice to leave if he is acting up is good or consider moving in with a friend to finish school until you can get out.

I would also consider talking to a trusted adult, counselor, teacher, aunt or uncle, clergyperson and asking them to provide support for you with your folks. You are still a minor, and your brother is not. They should be kicking him out for that behavior.

Caitlyn9239's avatar

Yeah since its happened i have been living with my best friend but my parents want me to come home and dont understand when i tell them that either he has to leave or i will. I told them that i could go to the police for what he did and they didnt take me seriously. I am now back home and just ignoring him completely, because that is the only way i can ensure i will stay safe. And my mum has forced my brother to see a councellor about anger management, but i dont see how things will ever improve. thanks for everyones advice!

hearkat's avatar


Please document the incident and take a photograph of your injury if you haven’t already. Document the earlier incidents of abuse as well. If there were witnesses to the events, ask them to write down as much detail as they remember about it, as well.

No one should live in fear – especially in their own home. Your parents should be protecting you and not enabling him (one has to wonder how he became an abusive person in the first place).

Sadly, your situation has many similarities to my own, and I never told anyone… it took me a couple decades to get to a point where I have some degree of self-esteem and confidence in myself. You deserve to be treated with respect. Stand up for yourself now, going through the authorities. Don’t try to take matter into your own hands.

If he treats his little sister this way, he probably treats other women the same way. Hopefully he hasn’t done so yet; and perhaps if you report him now he can get help before it goes any further.

Hang in there (((((hugs)))))

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