How Do I Make My Application For A Tour Of England Stand Out?

Why don’t you write it and post it here. I’m sure people (myself included) would be happy to help you polish it.

But I doubt someone is going to write the thing for you.

@johnpowell okay I’m not finished though, I’m am kind of stuck on the part about what I will learn. One second, I’ll put what I have right now…

Okay this is what I have so far..

I believe myself to be an exceptional candidate to particpate in this tour of England because I am a very hardworking student and this has always been my dream. After university I plan to move to London England so this trip would be an amazing opportunity to experience Great Britain. I work a part-time job where I have been saving money to go on a trip to London, and now an opportuninty has finally arrived! I am a goof student who works hard for my grades and I would be very respectful and eager to learn about literature during this trip if I am accepted. What I believe I can learn from this trip is I can learn more about The Bronte sisters at the Bronte Parsonage Museum. I am currently reading the novel “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte so it would be very interesting to see the actual home of the world’s most famous literary family.

Thats all I have so far, there is only enough space to write about ¾ of the page, and its just a standard sheet of paper

There will be many similar posts to yours – it doesn’t stand out. I would try making it more challenging, say that I have heard nothing but bad things about the UK and England and want to discover for myself if they are true. That should get attention. The ability to have a “convert” might appeal to them.

@DarkScribe good idea, but thats not true. I’ve never heard anything negative about the UK except for the rain, and I don’t want them to think I want to go to merely prove other peoples opinions wrong. I just wish there was a way for me to write something so they could understand how genuinley and seriously I want to go there.

@desiree333 good idea, but thats not true

Read the BBC and London Times/Guardian for a few days and you will see plenty of negative – enough to make it true. I get sad every time I go back. It still has a lot to offer a first time visitor, but its glory days have gone. Our family still has a home in Kent – I go back every now and then. The street violence is something that I never experienced as a kid in London.

By the way – in your application, watch your prepositions – they are getting away from you. ;)

Make sure you or someone else proofreads what ever you write. I know you were probably typing fast here but saying you are a “goof” student is not a good thing! Since this is a literary tour, I think you would want to impress on them your love of English literature and what it would mean to you to stand on the moor where Cathy roamed, etc. I know you mention what you are reading, but you have to be much more sophisticated in your approach to stand out.

Good luck!

@janbb sorry, I was typing fast, because I wanted to work on it more.

What about taking the approach of stating what you’ve learned about English literature on your own, and what you feel you could only learn by going on the tour.

What about a favorite quote or passage from a book or poem, and how that relates to, or symbolizes English literature for you?

Is this by chance through the English Speaking Union?

@PandoraBoxx thanks for the advice, and no its not through that company.

@desiree333, ESU is not a “company” but an academic society. Different chapters provide different scholarships to study in Great Britain for varying lengths of time. We have friends who went to Kings College for 3 months—all they had to cover was spending money. They also have high school programs and competitions as well.

You have used “I” twelve times and have overly long and awkward sentences. Think about the content first. Use mostly concrete examples.

The committee knows much of what you have written just by dint of your application.

The fact that you have earned part of the money for the trip is interesting. Describe the job in more detail. If you have to enclose a transcript, you don’t have to say you are a good student. What subjects do you enjoy most? Why?

” What I believe I can learn from this trip is I can learn more about The Bronte sisters at the Bronte Parsonage Museum.”

Reread that sentence. Cut out the first half and be more specific about your interest in the Bronte sisters. I do like the last sentence.

Why are you so passionate about the country? Are you interested in the history? The countryside and other such wonders of England? Mention things more specifically.
If they can see that you have gone the extra mile to research and find about about what you want to see and do then that would make a worthy candidate in my eyes.

you all should remember this essay is only to be about a half to 3 quarters of a standard size sheet of paper. It has to be brief, besides, I ended up finishing it and I am handing it in on Tuesday. :) Thanks for all of your help, I did input some of your ideas into it.