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dpworkin's avatar

In direct proportion to the objectively loathsome behaviors you engage in. That means someone else must decide, as you are not able to be objective.

Sabotage82's avatar

I’ll let you know once I am finished. I am working on year 27.

aprilsimnel's avatar


Self-loathing doesn’t solve whatever it is that caused you to engage in the guilt-inducing behavior. Compassion and acceptance of yourself as a human being who makes mistakes and isn’t perfect just like everyone else, too, goes a lot farther in getting you out of the pity-party rut.

Believe you me, @jaketheripper, you read enough of my questions and answers, and you’ll see that I’m struggling with the same issues, as are many of us here, and everywhere. Taking self-knowledge from the intellectual to the emotional realm has been very hard and slow, but the more I tell myself that I’m OK regardless and that whatever happens, I CAN HANDLE IT, the more peace I feel, the more risks I’ve been willing to take.

After all, it’s what we tell ourselves that gets us into these spots in the first place. How much better, then, to tell ourselves positive, truthful things. We’re not all bad, we’re not all good and that’s OK. Other people can say whatever they like, but it’s up to us whether we believe such things and take them to heart.

jfos's avatar

L = B(E + M) + N

Where L is Self-Loathing, B is bad luck, E is envy of others, M is mistakes, and N is natural flaws.

airowDee's avatar

Its not something that can be quantified. Sorry.

Grisaille's avatar

Probably when you start hating yourself for hating yourself.

marinelife's avatar

If the behavior that is being loathed would be loathed if your brother or you best friend did it, then it is probably justified.

You should hold yourself ot the same standards as you hold others to.

In all cases, you are loathing a behavior not yourself as a person.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Loathing is a strong emotion – you should have none of it towards yourself unless you deserve it

CMaz's avatar

You self loath all you want.

Eventually someone will bitch slap you. All will be good again.

judochop's avatar

However long it takes for you to realize that it’s not going to solve anything.

wundayatta's avatar

You self loath all you want. Eventually someone will bitch slap you.

Yeah, and self-loathers are often the bitch that slaps themselves. It’s a vicious circle.

Yeah, when I was unable to deal with feeling bad about myself, I loved everyone who bitch-slapped me, because it just confirmed my own view of myself. It made me right, and who doesn’t want to be right?

I have to say that I love self-loathing. I embrace it. I do that because it becomes a kind of irony, which takes it’s power away.

I know some people who call this kind of thing a “hex.” Often times people will say something like “I’m a klutz,” fully expecting the other person to take pity on them and deny it. “You’re not a klutz! Really, you’re quite graceful.”

Hexers don’t say that. They just agree with the person who is dissing themselves. “I’m a klutz.”

“Yup. You sure are!”

I think the theory was that if people agree with you when you diss yourself, then you’ll stop doing it as a manipulative kind of thing.

Of course, if you’re really good, you can imply that you are dissing yourself without actually doing it overtly. It is more difficult to get hexed when you do that.

In any case, I got into this habit of tearing myself apart, and I never could seem to stop it. My way of depowering it is to make fun of myself—kind of—when I do it. Or maybe to try to be honest to myself that it is a form of manipulation. Although that makes me feel worse, so it’s kind of tricky.

The real thing I do is just to try not to pay much attention to these self-judgments. There are better things to do—it’s more fun to focus on interesting things. Self-judgment—it’s just kind of old. What purpose does it serve? It makes me feel bad. So I must do it because I want to feel bad. But if I’m doing it because I want to feel bad, then it doesn’t really work, because I’m manipulating myself, and yet seeing through my own trick. So then where am I?

If you’ve followed that, you’re a whole lot smarter than I am. I get confused about the inner twists and turns of my mind, and then it gets absurd. Which is funny. And then it’s kind of hard to think it matters—especially since I no longer have any idea what I mean.

I’m imagining myself in some really twisted yoga position, all tangled up and unable to entangle myself. What can I do? Nothing! Maybe I’ll go get a milkshake, and ignore the fact that I can’t do that.

rooeytoo's avatar

I try to be aware of my less than admirable habits or characteristics and correct them. But self loathing is a pretty strong judgement. If you have something in yourself that is worthy of loathing then you should change that behavior so you don’t hate yourself anymore! Get some counseling would be my suggestion.

Blondesjon's avatar

When you sob after masturbating.

YARNLADY's avatar

I think the answer is zero. Self-loathing is not a healthy behavior. People need to be aware of behaviors they want in their life, and work towards that. Anything else is self-destructive.

ratboy's avatar

@Blondesjon: You must sob during masturbation, and flagellation must be the core component of your masturbatory technique. That’s why it’s so good to be a loathsome bastard!

MissA's avatar

I’d say none, but are you being honest here? What constitutes self-loathing? Are you aware of this when you’re doing something indicative of true loathing?

Or, do you just need a hug?

If so, consider yourself hugged.

zenele's avatar

You asked: What is an appropriate amount of self loathing?

Zero if you can help it. Is it possible? I don’t know.

Coloma's avatar

Right @zenele

A big fat Z-E-R-O!

Self forgiveness is the core of other forgiveness.

Justice is paying once and only once for a mistake.

Most people incarcerate themselves forever and in doing so just BEG to be treated badly as a reflection of how they treat themselves.

If you screw up, own it and move on, unless you get off on being a masochist in which case better spend some time on the couch. lol

CaptainHarley's avatar

There is no useful purpose served by self-loathing. If there is something about yourself that you don’t like, change it. If there is no real-world justification for self-loathing, then either overcome it yourself or get some professional help. It helps to know that you have as much right to be here as do the stars and galaxies, and that God doesn’t make junk.

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