How do I come out to my coworkers?

Don’t tell them, it will probably make them more annoyed, but if you must, go ahead in anyway you can find.

what exactly does that mean???

@perplexxed82
It doesn’t really matter how you “come out”, it should work out the same either way.

they seem okay with things. I suspect they think I’m gay as it is. Especially because they keep asking about the house I bought (with a SO) ... I think they would be okay. But, I’m not sure…’

What is a “SO”? I’ve heard it twice now.

do it one at a time – find the person you trust the most and tell them – it’ll get around and then go on with your life – mention anything you want without considering being ‘offensive’ ..it’s they who should worry about that

How interesting.. I think I might be able to help you here. I read this once on another forum. The questioner asked this question, and it seems quite similar to yours.

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The last couple of months I have felt awkward at my job. I work at a car dealership. Most of the salesmen are male. We have a lot of ideal time in between customers. Sometimes they talk about going out with women and what they do with them. When they talk that way I just find myself moving to another part of the floor. Yesterday I had a customer, a middle aged woman. She was fairly attractive, a bit out there (but that is another story). I had to get some information at the receptionist desk and some of the younger salesmen commented on how hot she was. Then one guy said ’ I would do her’ then asked me if I would. I just laughed and it was very uncomfortable. I said nothing and a few of the sales men noticed. I am only open to a couple of people at work. One openly gay guy and a saleswoman. It feels great because I can be myself around them. I would love to be that way with everyone but right now I don’t see myself coming out to anyone else.

Has that happened to anyone else? What have you done or would do?

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Now here’s the (in my own personal opinion) best answer that was given to the guy who asked.

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Well, I can only speak for myself. Back in the early/mid 90s, I worked at an auto parts warehouse in the middle of the warehouse district in the center of what was then called “the hate state”...and I came out there.

One thing I learned about my co-workers there – and it sounds like yours might be similar. If you act tentative, they’ll leap on it and give you grief. But if you stand your ground – especially in a friendly, joking way – they’ll be less likely to. Not just about being gay, either. One of them was making fun of me for going to college. (Seriously.) I said something along the lines of, “Well, I had to. All those books were sitting there waiting to be studied, and I know damn well YOU couldn’t get through them.” Everybody laughed, life went on. Same with being gay. I handled the books there, and one customer was perpetually behind in paying. We used to send a woman down to go through their accounts if someone was delinquent, but she no longer worked there. Someone suggested “Maybe we should send Lex – he might be able to give them what Sandy was used to.” My response was, “I dunno. I’d want dinner first, and judging by their books, I don’t think they could afford that.” Again, we laughed, life went on. We joked about me being gay the same way we joked about JR being old, Milo being short, and Randy’s scraggly mustache. Just friendly stuff.

Have you actively noticed your co-worker taking a lot of heat? If not, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If you want to come out, try joking about it. In the situation you gave, when your coworker asked “Would you do her?”, you could say “Well, I’ll see if she’s got a brother…”

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I think that even in small-town America (at least, I’m guessing that it’s America) people are moving with the times. If anything, I hope that the answer I gave can help to answer some of your questions and alleviate some of your fears.

Good luck mate. =)

@Samurai SO means “Significant Other”. In other words, boyfriend/girlfriend/partner

@Samurai significant other…

You can always use appropriate humor as well. When someone asks about the house you bought with SO make a little joke. They’ll get the point and it’ll show your good attitude so they won’t feel as if they are walking on eggshells about the issue which unfortunately many people can feel. It’s not your responsibility that you make them feel better. But humor is always nice.

Why do you feel you need to officially “come out”?

I say live your life at work honestly and be you at all times. If you have a SO, put their picture on your desk as you normally would. Going out after work, someone says, “Got a date?” – say “Yes, with so and so.”

My point being, your private life is yours regardless if your sexual orientation. You should share (or not share) as much of it as you feel comfortable with.

Now, if you are directly asked if you’re gay, address it. Beyond that, I don’t think you need to preface your private life for your co-workers.

@cprevite ga!

You have to ask yourself if it’s something you definitely want to share with coworkers. Some people keep their lives pretty private at work. But if you’re close enough with your coworkers then I would go for it. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just really casually mention it while on lunch break. Say something like “Hey what would you guys say if I told you I was gay?” If you think most of them already have a hunch that you are, it won’t be a shock to them. At least it’ll be out in the open and you’ll feel a little better about it.

I am thankful that things seem to be changing here in the States, especially among younger people. I have 12-year-old twins who speak quite casually about their friends who are gay, and none of the gay kids seem to be teased or harassed. If that is the case in a Middle School in a big city, imagine how easy it should be for you.

As you say, the most perceptive of your co-workers probably know already. Maybe it’s not necessary for you to do anything in particular to “come out.” Maybe you are already out, and the consequences are not what you had feared.

The one anomalous thing I noticed in your post was your reluctance to “offend”. I don’t think there is anything offensive about being gay, nor do I see how you could offend anyone by being frank on the subject.

@ItalianPrincess1217
It would probably make them a bit edgy, not something I would want someone to casually say in a conversation

hmmmm

@pdworkin brings up a good point. If you’re worried about offending, I’d suggest your nit completely comfortable with your potentially public gay persona.

Unless your doing something offensive, no one should be offended (if they are, that’s their problem). All your doing is being. Being a co-worker, who happens to be gay.

If you believe being gay is “normal”, then you should treat it as such.

@Samurai You think it would be less uncomfortable if they were sat down and told in a very serious manner? Of course not. They’re coworkers, not best friends of 15 years. It doesn’t have to be made into a huge deal. That would probably make people a lot more edgy. But that’s just my opinion.

What about being gay is offensive? Just drop it into everyday conversation. When someone asks you what you’re doing for the weekend tell them that you and [insert name here] or your partner (whatever you call each other) are doing. When someone brings up their SO bring up yours. If people know they will probably just gloss over it. It will become commonplace.

I don’t understand why you’d need to tell your coworkers. It’s not something that directly affects your capacity to do your job, is it?

I think personal life should be separate from work/school life. Gay and straight people alike. I don’t want to hear people talk about their boyfriend, whether it’s coming from a guy or a girl. It’s something that they should be dealing with elsewhere.

I don’t bring up to any of my co-workers my sexual orientation. Co-workers aren’t going to watch your back like friends will. I would only tell them as much as they need to know, and really, who at work needs to know that your sexual preference isn’t what the majority assumes is ‘normal?’ Only one of my co-workers (a female) knows I am ambisextrual, and that is only because I let something slip about a certain male truck driver being cute.

In some states, it is still legal to discriminate based on sexual orientation; and some places do so, even if they don’t come out and say that is exactly what they are basing their decision on. Revealing your orientation gives your enemies one more tool to use against you. If it were me, I’d keep it to myself.

Of course, this whole exercise might be more useful is the asker’s account hadn’t been deleted…

Ones sexuality is irrelevant in the professional workplace. Keep it to yourself.

@Saturated_Brain well, it’s still good advice for the next newbie with the same concern.