General Question

sweetchelsie's avatar

Why cant good looking men, like pretty women that are on the heavier side?

Asked by sweetchelsie (22points) October 13th, 2009

I just want to know why women that are slightly larger, but are pretty never get any attention from the really good looking guys?

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43 Answers

Sarcasm's avatar

Because really good looking guys pay a lot of attention to how they look. It’s only reasonable for them to expect their partners to pay attention to how they look, too.

Just as, I am a geek. I expect my partner to be a geek too. I’m not going to fall in love with a girl whose only interest is going out clubbing. It’s not a match.

I say this as not a “good looking” guy by any means

EmpressPixie's avatar

I think it is a mistake to assume that because someone is not thin, they do not pay attention to how they look or take great pains to attend their appearance.

oratio's avatar

What is slightly larger?

Zen's avatar

This is stupid. I’m a typical guy – okay not so typical – if I see a pretty face on a plump girl I think – pretty girl – could diet.

Ugly girl on slim body still be ugly.

This is the most superficial I’ll ever get.

Apologies to those who thought I had a brain.

dpworkin's avatar

Who says they don’t? Only in a rather narrow part of White, Anglo-Saxon culture is it necessary that women be agonizingly thin in order to qualify as beautiful. We live in a fairly diverse country, at least in the major cities and on the coasts, and I don’t think these requirements extend across the board through every culture. In fact, I am quite certain that they do not.

AlyxCaitlin's avatar

You just have to find the right guys! I know TONS of gorgeous guys who would prefer a full bodied women versus a “12 year old boy” body. I do have big boobs, hips, thighs etc and I know guys who dislike it, and guys who love it; it’s ALL how you carry and present yourself. You just have to work with what you got! Haha but I fully agree with @Zen ; that’s usually how guys I know see it. Maybe if you work it, you could change what a guy likes! (:

airowDee's avatar

Okay, why do you care if “good looking” guys don’t pay attention to heavier girls, you are using superficial trait to distinguish guys from those who are good looking and bad looking as well, so why don’t you expect some guys will not want heavier girls.

eponymoushipster's avatar

are we talking Christina Hendricks overweight or Ricki Lake (circa ‘92) overweight?

drdoombot's avatar

Because I’m giving my attention to their pretty friends who are on the thinner side.

Zen's avatar

@airowDee Way to deepen it!

oratio's avatar

@sweetchelsie What do you mean by good looking guys? Are they on the heavy side as well?

Buttonstc's avatar

Because any women who are currently on the plump side were born on the wrong century.

Check out the paintings of Rubens, from whom we get the term “Rubenesque” to describe zaftig women. (It has nothing to do with Reuben sandwiches, as some mistakenly think)

Back in those times this was considered the ideal figure for beauty in a woman Clearly this is unlike our current culture which worships the emaciated models featured on most magazine covers or actresses who look like they are victims
of starvation. In fact many of them do starve themselves to achieve that impossible and unnatural standard.

But ad pdworkin mentioned, other cultures have not chosen to worship at Americas altar to emaciation. Most black men love women with curves and a bit of “junk in the trunk”.

Sir Mix-a-Lot was spot on with that observation. I’m not a big fan of most rap music but there’s something infectious about hearing. “I love big butts and I cannot lie”. set to a catchy tune.

Italian guys also prefer women with some meat on their bones. My BIL is a dashingly handsome Italian guy and my sister who is not just plump but tall to boot is the apple of his eye and he doesn’t give a flying fig what the rest of the prevailing culture thinks about it.

But it may also be significant that they met in their early thirties. Younger guys still in HS or college are still too conscious about peer pressure and being razzed by their friends if they happen to find larger women attractive and dare to date them.

But, as the saying goes ” there’s a lid for every pot”. You will eventually find plenty of guys who find you attractive. Chances are greater if you look elsewhere in other cultures and guys who are mature enough to follow their hearts rather than buy into the brainwashing of our current culture.

derekfnord's avatar

How are you defining “really good-looking guys”? Does it include guys who have nice features, but are somewhat overweight? If not, then you’ve answered your own question, haven’t you? “Really good-looking guys” presumably seek out “really good-looking gals.” If you wouldn’t include overweight guys among “really good-looking guys,” why would you expect guys to include overweight gals among “really good-looking gals?”

Now, all that said, plenty of guys (myself among them) do definitely prefer heavier, curvier women. But are we “really good-looking guys?” Dunno…

Iclamae's avatar

When I first read this, I thought it was a terrible question. I can imagine the situation, a “hot” guy you pine after doesn’t pay you any attention, you are sad and venting. It’s every overweight girl’s high school nightmare. But speaking as an overweight girl dating a hot guy, I think you’re looking at this all wrong.
a) If he’s not paying attention to you, physically attractive or not, he is certainly not “hot” and NOT for you.
b) Overweight girls who only regret their bodies are not hot. You need to care about your body and say “damn it, this is what i’ve got and I’m going to flaunt it. AND find a guy who appreciates these curves.” If you have a personal goal of losing weight, fine but you need to work those hips and love them while you’ve got them.

bennihan's avatar

People will always be judged for the outward appearance first before their inner self. If you can get through all of the advertisements / media that are destined to make you thin with big boobs or muscular with a six pack you will make it out just fine.

Why do you need a really good looking guy anyways? What about the image of someone else satisfies you?

On all of these notes I’m pretty vain and I workout all of the time to keep myself in good shape. If you’re worried that you’re not getting any attention due to your weight restrictions, I can help you with a workout plan

Best of luck

ratboy's avatar

Some of us do.

DominicX's avatar

Because that’s not what those guys happen to be physically attracted to?

It’s all a matter of preference. Certain preferences are more common than others, however. A man is not “wrong” because his preference doesn’t include heavier women.

whatthefluther's avatar

In my youth, I was, admittedly vain and shallow. Although I was a serious student, I was wild, didn’t have the slightest interest in settling down and I dated accordingly. I was attracted to beautiful women with gorgeous figures and they found me attractive. I won’t apologize for dating that type of woman or even living with a Playboy bunny for several years. As a matter of fact, I (and she) enjoyed the hell out of our time together and we were the couple all eyes would turn to when we entered a room or when in public. Needless to say, that is not a terribly uncomfortable situation in which to place ones self…..OK, truth is I loved it….who wouldn’t?. But as I grew older and felt it was time to start to settle down and have a more meaningful relationship with a partner, I sought women with whom I could relate to better intellectually and emotionally. There were still plenty of beautiful women that appealed to me but their body type lessened in importance to other factors. A person is attracted to whatever is attractive to them. That is not to say a less attractive or heavier set woman could not have stolen my heart when I was younger but my lifestyle just didn’t leave the door open very wide for that to happen, and again, I won’t apologize for that.
See ya….Gary/wtf.

peedub's avatar

Sheeeeet, I don’t discriminate…

But are we talking ‘curvy’ or heavy?

I suppose I favor girls that are healthy looking. I would say that rules out both extremes.

buster's avatar

Im am a nice looking man and I love fat chicks.

DarkScribe's avatar

Before marrying my wife, I had one previous wife, and more that thirty relationships that lasted in excess of three or four months – most much longer. All were all attractive women to varying degrees, but all without exception were intelligent, stylish and well read if not well educated. Several of them were “plump” – above average (for me) in weight. In each case the problem was not their size, it was their lifestyle. The food they ate, the way they did NOT want to join me in anything sporting – they shunned walking, surfing, swimming, most forms of aerobic exercise – all of which I enjoy and participate in regularly. We were not compatible. I virtually lived outdoors, on the water or a beach and they did not want to be seen in a swimming costume.

One thing that I will say – without exception, once the lights were off they were fantastic. They were far more pleasurable, sensual, tactile, in bed than the slimmer girls who I dated.

cyndyh's avatar

Some do. Maybe if all you care about is the way a guy looks he’s not interested for reasons other than the weight. It’s just something to think about.

sandystrachan's avatar

Goodlooking to one isn’t goodlooking to another. so your question has no merit
Maybe the big girl thinks her man is the best fucking guy around , yet in your eyes he is a total munter ever think of it that way .

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I do not consider myself an average guy, so I can only offer my own opinion.

I am a very skinny person, so it is hard for me to understand how people ever get really large. I can only imagine that they have the same trouble losing weight as I do putting on weight. My lack of sympathy would probably annoy most larger girls. Still, girls that are too skinny are not attractive. But I’m still talking about extremes.
I’m not generally a superficial person though, and (risking a cliched answer) it is really the personality that counts. My girlfriend is stunning, but even so we wouldn’t have lasted if she wasn’t such a good match for me personality-wise.
If you’re just interested in hooking up for a good time though, I wouldn’t have a clue what to tell you since I have no experience there, nor wish to.

Supacase's avatar

Speaking as a formerly heavy woman and someone who still struggles to maintain a size 10 (which plenty of men feel is more than “plump”) I can say that you just have to look a little harder and be a little smarter. Is it more difficult to get that first contact? Honestly… yes, most of the time. But if you have your sights set on the hottest guy in the room that every girl is after then you are just as guilty of being shallow as they are.

I realized that average looking men are perfectly wonderful and I never suffered for dates. In fact, the only time in my life (starting in 8th grade) that I have been single or in a dating wasteland was for a year around age 19 and I just wasn’t putting myself out there. There were two years in my mid-20s I chose not to date or get in a relationship in order to regroup after a life altering experience, but I was a size 6 so it was not a weight related issue.

Thinking back… only one of my boyfriends was particularly heavy and a couple were exceptionally good looking, so there are plenty of decent guys who don’t judge on weight alone. My husband is a stick and rather handsome. He loved me fat and he loved me thin and he loves me now that I’m average, too.

laureth's avatar

I wasn’t aware (from current pop culture) that larger women could be considered pretty or attractive. Just by virtue of their subcutaneous layer alone, they were evicted from the possibility.

Especially when size 12–14 is considered ‘plus size’ nowadays.

DarkScribe's avatar

@laureth I wasn’t aware (from current pop culture) that larger women could be considered pretty or attractive

There are many truly attractive larger women. The mistake that most who don’t find themselves within that criterion are making is wearing clothes designed for a much slimmer women. Most large women generally considered attractive seem to wear flowing voluminous clothing.

dpworkin's avatar

It seems to me that women impose these restrictions on one another. Study after study has shown that men prefer somewhat larger women than women believe they do. Women seem to conflate being thin with morality: If I eat the cookie, I am bad, if I go to the gym I am good.

Eating a cookie is not a sin, nor is working out a form of redemption. When you don’t feel attractive how can you seem attractive? Model-thin women look ill to me, but self-loathing women of “regular” size have no appeal, either.

laureth's avatar

@DarkScribe – Awesome! :) Are there any celebrity examples to point out?

hartford3's avatar

It’s part of primeval cortex, pre-programed human traits. One of the complexities of human nature. Your preferences are in your genes. Some dudes like fat. Some like skinny. I think well proportioned is the general rule; not general size. I wouldn’t care if she weighed 180 pounds long as it’s put together right. Who wants to move globs of fat around to get to the treats. Personally I like ugly girls with killer bodies. Go figure.

DarkScribe's avatar

@laureth Awesome! :) Are there any celebrity examples to point out?

Not really my area of expertise – I am not a celebrity watcher, but I certainly meet one every now and them who can turn heads.

There has been considerable publicity attached to the fact that Renee Zellweger deliberately packed on a lot of extra weight for each of her Bridget Jones roles. She lost it all again in between each role. That says something – not sure exactly what – but they don’t make movies to lose money.

dalepetrie's avatar

In answering why they never “get attention” is not the same as asking why they’re not attracted to, first and foremost. Basically, what I find is that there is a certain “type” of guy, usually good looking, who showers “attention” on ladies, and yes, he’s going for the GOLD, he’s looking to hook up with a trophy gal…he isn’t looking for anything more than a fling, and he may well ask out 40 women before he gets a single phone number.

The majority of your guys, good looking or not, aren’t like that. Most os us are reserved and a bit shy around women. And there is no correlation between what a guy looks like and what kind of girls he’s into in my experience, it’s just that the girls who get the most attention are let’s face it, generally the ones who go looking for the most attention by dressing in a way that says they’re receptive to the kind of guy who’d be presumptuous enough to approach them.

Most guys I know have a hard time breaking the ice, but most also don’t tend to just seek out the women who meet the idealized standard we see in our culture. Some do exclusively go after what my friends and I refer to as “show ponies”, but for the most part, the guys I’ve known have by and large settled down (my peer group is pushing 40), and more often than not it’s been with someone who carries a little extra weight (whether the man himself does or not).

I’ll be quite frank, excessive fat doesn’t look good on ANYBODY, you pretty much have to have a fetish to be physically attracted to someone who is sloppy fat, not saying you can’t appreciate them for who they are as a person and get beyond it, but to be physically turned on, most guys aren’t going to get it up for Gilbert Grape’s mom. But just because Hollywood tells us that we should like the Calista Flockhart/Mary Kate Olsen ideal doesn’t mean the majority of guys subscribe to this fallacy. Personally I’d take Kirstey Alley around the world before I’d touch someone whose ribs I can see…nothing turns me off quicker.

And for what it’s worth, am I a good looking guy? I think I would be if I wasn’t too fat, but having said that, it’s not as though my being fat makes me more appreciative of larger ladies. It’s just that I look at the whole package, personality and looks, and to me a pretty face ALWAYS goes a lot further than a tight body in my book. And I know I’m not alone.

DarkScribe's avatar

@dalepetrie And there is no correlation between what a guy looks like and what kind of girls he’s into in my experience,

I disagree with that. Good looking guys attract good looking girls, right from the start – they get used to it very rapidly. It happens so seldom that when an attractive guy forms a relation ship with a less than attractive girl it becomes the focus of attention and discussion.

proXXi's avatar

Speak for yourself, I totally do.

Your trouble comes from your having a confidence issue depending on the attractiveness of your ‘target’, your very asking this question suggests this.

You need to learn to be your confident self regardless of who’s attention your hoping for.

Look at and react to everyone as an individual opportunity, it will show on you and make you more attractive to all.

shego's avatar

Girlie, I don’t know where you are at, but where I am if I wanted to I can find some really hot guys. I am on the plus size scale, and these guys treat me like I’m a queen. Well, some of them are African, but that is besides the fact. There are guys out there, and they will find you. When I was younger, I always saw the really hot couple, and wished that one day, I would fit in with their “crowd”. Word of advice, DON’T it’s not worth it. I enjoy the people who ask me out, and the ones that spend time with me. But there is a movie that you might like to watch, called Phat Girlz with Mo’Nique. You will see what I am talking about. You are not alone, and they are out there. If you got it Flaunt it. :)

hookecho's avatar

there are plenty of goodlooking guys who don’t mind big women, and there not all black like the above post seems to suggest. Some people are superficial, others are not, and some guys actually prefer bigger women. In your question, why do they have to be “really good looking” So if a normal lookin guy gives you attention it means nothing? that makes you sound superficial, so it should be easy to understand how some guys are superficial too.

tinyfaery's avatar

They do. I’ve always been a curvy 10–15 pounds overweight, and I have had many a hot guy, even a famous one. Anyway, who wants a good-looking guy if he’s superficial?

laureth's avatar

@DarkScribe – thanks for the info. :)

Also. “Good looking guys attract good looking girls” – Well, that’s true, but only because good looking people attract everyone, cute as well as ugly. It’s just that the good looking people often end up together because they match the other’s offer (or substitute “rich” for “good looking” if you want – old rich man can afford cute young thing, and they both get what they want.) However, those of us who aren’t perfect 10’s are still attracted to the good-looking ones, too – we just don’t get dates with them, and eventually pick someone closer to our own level on the ugly chart. Hence, the looks of one have to do with the looks of the other.

DarkScribe's avatar

@laureth However, those of us who aren’t perfect 10’s are still attracted to the good-looking ones, too – we just don’t get dates with them,

She knows all about it…

dalepetrie's avatar

@DarkScribe – good looking guys may attract good looking girls, but there’s no correlation between what a guy looks like and what he’s INTO, which was my point. By that I mean, I’ve known many an attractive guy who wouldn’t give Paris Hilton the time of day…too skinny, too stupid, because the guy might be into a woman with a bit of a “figure”, even though he could have the type of woman whom our culture seems to prize, he might not want her.

sleepdoc's avatar

I would answer who says that some don’t.

Mike413's avatar

The thing is this. What about good looking men who are heavy? IF you expect your good looking men to be thin then you are being a hypocrite. Also, if you want a man to like you for your looks then maybe it’s best to lose weight. In our society people are judged by their weight. I consider myself decent looking but I’m over weight. Right now women don’t give me a second glance let a lone a first one. I know I need to lose weight. Looks is looks. It’s not just about having a pretty face.

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