General Question

judochop's avatar

Where the heck did my motivation go?

Asked by judochop (16119points) October 21st, 2009

I used to be the most productive person on the face of the planet. I manage an entire state, I manage my daughter, I ride my bike ALL THE TIME, I kept up on the yard work, walked the dog constantly, got all of my reports in on time, never complained…..What the hell happend? I can’t find the want or motivation to do simple things that will keep me employed let alone head to a work event with a smile on my face. Am I just burned out or did I loose my motivation with my last bag of luggage? I’ve looked all over for it.

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34 Answers

gemiwing's avatar

Maybe that’s a sign you’re ready for a change? Maybe a new challenge?

SpatzieLover's avatar

Age? Are you possibly in perimenopause?

erichw1504's avatar

Mid-life crisis?

judochop's avatar

I am 34, white male, 6’0”, 170lbs, love long walks on the beach…..

SpatzieLover's avatar


judochop's avatar

Might I add that I have a lifestyle job, recently went through a divorce and lost my ass in that mess…The house, etc…Money is now an issue for the first time in years which you’d think would motivate me to work! And no, I don’t feel depressed.

wundayatta's avatar

Did something happen? A death or a loss?

Things like divorce and losing your house and income can cause depression. Even if you don’t think you feel depressed, lack of motivation is a symptom. Certainly, you must be feeling a huge loss, and until you have managed to grieve your loss, you probably won’t feel much like doing anything.

A big guy like you may be the strong, silent type. You may be trying to hold your feelings in. You see yourself as a highly competent person, and here you are losing everything. You may be hiding your pain from yourself.

Try to hold on as best you can. Do the minimum you need to at work and still keep the job. Let yourself recover. Let yourself grieve your losses. And now that I think of it, consider going to a therapist. I bet you won’t want to. I bet you’ll think it’s a sign that you can’t handle it.

If you’re trying to keep it all in, and denying it all, then you can’t handle it. If you want to explore your loss in hopes of traveling through the grieving process as effectively as possible, then a therapist can really help. Find one that is goal-oriented and practical, like yourself. Or find one that is different, because you can let them help you investigate your psyche.

Facade's avatar

@judochop men go through hormonal changes too

SpatzieLover's avatar

@judochop What you’re describing sounds like depression to me.

judochop's avatar

Oh I know it…I just don’t think that is it.

judochop's avatar

Crap! I don’t wanna be depressed.

gemiwing's avatar

Sounds like you’ve gone through a shock to the system. It’s a lot to get used to so maybe this is part of your healing process.

Or maybe your motivation is where mine is. Sitting on the couch and watching the History Channel.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@judochop Then maybe you need to see a counselor to discuss all of the life changes you have recently gone through, or you need to find a new motivation through a positive outlet like skipping on the beach, or playing Frisbee with your dog.

judochop's avatar

I do see a counselor, I am thinking I just don’t like my job anymore however I love the paycheck and in this economy I don’t want to be looking for work at all. I am letting a friend move in to my house who is super employable and can’t find work. It would not be good to have the two of us sitting on the couch together.

lloydbird's avatar

Your ‘get up and go’, got up and went?

Buttonstc's avatar

When you are still in shock from one major life change (divorce) is not the time to throw yourself into another one (job change) so your instincts are correct to stay at your current job.

Obviously the changes you have experienced are major sources of stress. Depression/inactivity is one way that people respond to stress.

This is a time to be kind to yourself, take care of yourself and allow yourself to heal. Therapy is one important method is self care. Find other experiences or activities which you have enjoyed in the past and allow yourself the luxury of enjoyment.

If you don’t want physical activity then at least make your couch time as enjoyable as possible. Get a Netflix account and put only comedy films on your wishlist. A steady diet of funny certainly can’t do any harm.

Be open to trying any other stress relieving modalities you can find everything from yoga to massage or even a tabletop water fountain. Don’t disregard anything as ridiculous and try anything at least 2–3 times before discarding it as unworkable. You may be pleasantly surprised by what ends up being helpful.

Stress can do quite a number on both mind and body. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating it’s destructive effects. Ask your therapist for other suggestions and try everything.

Besides, it sure beats sitting around vegetating. Be good to yourself and stay away from booze as it is a depressant. That’s the last thing you need right now.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@Buttonstc I second the advice of FUNNY movies…Comedies have a way of melting the “funk” away

Judi's avatar

Wait… You manage an entire state? (I went back and read that 4 times to make sure I read it right. ) Are you a Governor?

JONESGH's avatar

Your motivation is on vacation with mine.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Did you have a point of irritation or bitterness that never really was resolved to your satisfaction but that you convinced yourself you could just ‘get over and get beyone’? That kind of sneaky seething could sabotage so many things you enjoy.

judochop's avatar

I am an ambassador but not a political ambassador.

judochop's avatar

I am thinking you may be on the right tip. That may be where it all started to go down hill for me. Perhaps I need a vacation.

Buttonstc's avatar

Are you familiar with the Holmes and Rahe stress scale? This was compiled and quantified years ago by two therapist. It has a comprehensive list of all types of life changes with a corresponding number for severity. The higher your total score in a year, the higher the likelihood of illness following.

You may find it instructive and helpful to evaluate how high your number is. I’m guessing it’s going to be fairly high from several of the things you’ve already mentioned. divorce, change in financial status, change of residence and probably many more.

These all add up cumulatively and take a toll on you. Now is the time for you to do everything to increase positivity in your life in any way you can to mitigate the potential destructive effects.

Just pop stress scale into Google and read through the Wiki entry which contains the complete list allowing one to calculate their own score.

Then you’ll understand why you need to treat yourself kindly. You have a boatload of stress brother.

judochop's avatar

I am not a prideful person and yes I know I am stressed but I have always managed my stress beautify.
I was active during wartime.
I have been let go from a high paying job that left me totally broke and almost homeless.
Huge custody battle.
Large record contract falling apart infront of me.
Sister who is chronically ill and lives 3500 miles away.
Ex-wife leaving me without notice and draining the bank accounts.
Mother whom is ill and lives far away.
A job that does not allow me much time to do anything but work…..
All of these things wear on me and I understand it takes a toll….
You think a vacation will help?

SpatzieLover's avatar

@judochop Is a vacation going to make it all go away? No. But, if you think it would help you deal with it all then go for it.

hearkat's avatar

@judochop: Wow! That certainly is a lot, and there is no human on the planet that would not feel overwhelmed by it all. A vacation – just taking some time for solitude – might actually do you good. Even if you just take a few days to yourself and maybe go somewhere close to nature and do some soul-searching and journalling – or you mention a record contract, so perhaps writing music is a creative outlet for you. Whatever it is, removing yourself from all the stuff you have to do can give you a brief respite and allow you to look at your situation from the outside, re-prioritize, and go back to your life feeling focused.

Buttonstc's avatar

If you are not neglecting doing anything which would tend to worsen the situation, I do think a vacation could be recuperative for you.

Obviously you are a very conscientious person used to handling much responsibility, so I think having a little “me-time” could be very relaxing.

augustlan's avatar

Poor Judo. {hugs}, my friend.

judochop's avatar

Oh thank you @augustlan but I am fine. I am just lacking the shine right now. I’ll find it. I’m gonna make it happen.

Dog's avatar

@judochop Personally I think you are recharging your muse. (Forgive me using my artist terminology)

Often after a long period of creative energy and building, dismantling and all the other things that happen in life we need a mental vacation. This is sort of a quiet time where we do not want to really achieve much but want to be still. It can last days or months depending on how much has gone on before the break.

If this is the case it does not mean you are lazy or depressed. It means you are quietly evaluating and “soaking in” your life. If I am right you will soon be back up to challenging yourself.

Hopefully you are just recharging because I have to tell you that my best work is done after a long break- it is an incredible burst of energy and motivation.

augustlan's avatar

Anyway, I highly suspect your motivation is out somewhere playing with mine. I’m sure they are having a fabulous time. Little shits.

Supacase's avatar

Lack of motivation and irritability are symptoms of depression – the irritability factor is always an indicator to me that I’m headed in the wrong direction. I don’t know if irritability is an issue for you, but I wouldn’t dismiss depression as a possibility. It doesn’t always mean a lifetime diagnosis – sometimes it is temporary, brought on by a specific cause or event.

Take a vacation if you are able. Even though it won’t make things go away, it will give you a rest. Go relax at the beach where you are supposed to just sit around.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Perhaps you could post “lost” signs around your neighborhood.
“Have you seen my motivation? Please call 555–555-5555.”~

I usually find motivation when I’m trying something new. Maybe that feeling means it’s time to break out of your routine a little bit.

filmfann's avatar

You found fluther. I lost a lot of motivation when I joined too.
Damn thing is addicting.

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