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2late2be's avatar

How can I stop myself from ''living in the past''?

Asked by 2late2be (2289points) October 23rd, 2009

I just keep thinking and missing all that I lived in the past, I really wish I could go back, of course I don’t regret my 2 kids, is just that I feel empty, we live in USA and we have no family here, my mom were living with us for over a year, but, she’s going back to Mexico in 10 days, it’s gonna be very hard for me to get back to our lonely lifes… I wish I could go back to Mexico and live there, close to my family, get a job, get to visit friends and have visits on my house, but Cd. Juarez is sooooo dangerous, that my husband doesn’t want to live there anymore…

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16 Answers

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poofandmook's avatar

The only way to stop living in the past is to plant your feet firmly where they are and create a “present” while planning a future.

gemiwing's avatar

Be honest about the past. Surely it wasn’t all sunshine and roses.

Be honest about your present. If there are things you don’t like- then make out a plan to fix them. Start a mommie meet-up group, a book club, a movie club that’s kid friendly.

Try making a list about the past. A pro and con list. Then make a list about the present, except with this list you’ll need a third column- Things I Can Change. Yes or no for that last column.

Personally, being honest about the past helped. When I realized that it wasn’t as great as I thought, I started to love being in the now. Espescially when I started making positive changes in my life to get what I want.

Judi's avatar

Watch the movie Peggy Se Got Married.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I’m sorry this really sounds like a difficult situation. It must be very hard on you that your mother is moving back to Mexico.

Is there a Latino group in your area? Me and Hubby are part of a Native American group in ours and it helped us make friends as well as have fun things to do.

You don’t have to “get over” the past but you really should enjoy the present. So find things that make you happy. Make a list of things you want for yourself and then find ways to make them come true.

dannyc's avatar

Take up a hobby that you always wanted to do, or say a musical instrument, or a sport…then you will realize, after enjoying one of those past dreams, that you can still shape your destiny in a positive way. You will realize it is all in your head, just get your body to lead the way. Nothing cannot be fixed or improved no matter what the past provided.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

You’ve got to find something where you are present you can look forward to. When I moved away from friends and family to a state where I knew no one, I got really depressed, cried all the time and gained about 30lbs. Only when I made a friend and started getting out to see them, even once every few weeks made a huge difference but it took time.

CMaz's avatar

Embrace it!

Your past and the experiences you had make you that special and unique individual you are!

naval's avatar

Change yourself. Grow a beard, change your hairstyle, put on new clothes, try out an accent, go with a different name, and go to a neighborhood you wouldn’t go to. Nobody knows who you are – just who you think you are. See how easy that was?

rexpresso's avatar

Google: Observing Ego. Hope this helps!

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You’re not alone in your emotions and feelings. What you’re going through has been echoed in American history since the country was first settled by people who came here from other places, and as people moved westward across the continent. Women have been called upon to leave behind their “heart” to make a new life in a new place for their families. The past is familiar, and in looking back, seems easy because it’s known. Even though “pioneering” these days comes with cell phones, video cameras, and faster, affordable modes of transportation, it is still about making a new life in a new, unfamiliar place.

My family is on its 3rd country in 3 generations. My grandmother was put on a boat at age 16, and sent across the ocean to earn money to send home.

Always look forward, and never look back.

HGl3ee's avatar

If you’re living in the the past you need to create a future to look forward to. If you are not happy with where your life is going only you can change that. We all have one shot at this, never waste a moment of it unhappy; it’s a moment you can never get back <3

I wish you all best of luck in life and hope you find the greatest happiness you are looking for! – LB

BBQsomeCows's avatar

If unlike the rest of us living NOW you are trapped in the past you are SOL as you no longer exist

Darwin's avatar

Find one small thing every day that makes you happy. Once you start seeing a pattern of what you enjoy, then you can deliberately seek out those things and situations, and build a happy present and future for yourself.

Your mother may not live with you any longer, but you can still call her and write her letters so you can stay connected. In addition, you need to deliberately build a “family” of friends where you live now.

LostInParadise's avatar

It is always difficult adjuisting to a new country. In some ways the U.S. poses a particularly difficult challenge. The close communal ties of many other nations do not for the most part exist here. The good thing about this is that it is easier to be accepted here. Immigrants are treated with the same indifference as everybody else. The bad thing is that it is more difficult to be embraced. You will need to put in some effort to find others with whom to socialize. Some of the others here have made some good suggestions. Do you belong to a church? It can be a good way of meeting people.

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