General Question

lostinyoureyes's avatar

How to supress romantic fantasies?

Asked by lostinyoureyes (1121points) October 28th, 2009

I’m far from having a boyfriend but I can’t stop dreaming about being romantic with a guy I haven’t even met. There’s someone I realized lately that I like the idea of more than anything, so I tend to use him in my daydreams. I guess I’m an idealist, a romantic… and I get easily distracted. Sometimes I have to be a productive person and I just can’t….

I know I sound like a loser, but I’m asking this question seriously!

How do I focus on the present instead of something I don’t really have? (And something I feel like I will never have.)

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18 Answers

cyndyh's avatar

If your mind wanders, just keep bringing it back to focus. It’s a constant practice. Don’t beat yourself up for your mind wandering. Just recognize that’s what’s happening and refocus on what you need to focus on.

jrpowell's avatar

I’m the same same way. Before I fall asleep I fantasize about cuddling a person I have only seen once. You are not alone. It is a daydream, a fantasy. And I don’t see the harm in your situation.

gemiwing's avatar

To quote Kundun- ‘what’s the harm?’

I think it’s perfectly normal to long for comfort in such a cold world.

wundayatta's avatar

It sounds like it is painful to have such fantasies because it reminds you you don’t have the relationship you want.

I’m not sure what to tell you. On the one hand, I think that you should fantasize, because often times thinking about something helps us to make it happen. On the other hand, I know the pain that comes from wanting a relationship so much and not having one. I suppose you could distract yourself with a novel….. or porn, if you’re into that.

Haleth's avatar

It sounds like getting rid of these fantasies is more important to you because it’s messing with your productivity than because it’s messing with your relationship. Maybe if you learn to compartmentalize- give yourself free rein to think about this person for maybe half an hour a day when you’re not working, and then you won’t have to suppress thoughts about him while you are working.

Janka's avatar

It is quite normal for adolescents to go through a phase where they feel emotions towards and have fantasies about someone “impossible” or removed.

So, if you are a young person, do enjoy the daydreams and do not worry about whether it is “weird” or not! The feelings will find a real target in their own sweet time, and having explored what you might enjoy in dreams will help you to explore it for real when the time comes. (Just do not assume everything will feel like what you dreamed it would!)

But nothing is good as an obsession, so try and concentrate on your actual life too. Maybe allow yourself some time for daydreams daily, and if your mind wonders at other times, stop it, say to yourself “I’ll save this dream for later”, and go back to whatever you are doing?

nebule's avatar

I think it’s fabulous…I don’t think there is anything wrong with it at all. See how far your imagination can take you..and according to some ‘philosophers’ you might even attract what you’re thinking about!! The mind is a powerful thing!

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

I agree with @lynneblundell Enjoy it while you can, it might bring you what you seek.

gailcalled's avatar

Romantic fantasies, erotic daydreaming and wishful thinking are normal, fun and impossible to stop. So, enjoy yourself and simply remember to pay attention in class and do your homework.

HGl3ee's avatar

I agree 100% with @lynneblundell !!! The Law of Attraction is an amazing concept that I have experienced in my own life. Including finding the love of my life. I know some are skeptics to the Law of Attraction, while I have always thought “Why not?” I mean even if it doesn’t work you have nothing to lose but so very much to gain! – LB

drdoombot's avatar

I don’t believe in the Law of Attraction at all. I’ve been fantasizing about a beautiful young woman for months now. We went from speaking once a week to once a month and she eventually changed her number without even bothering to tell me. :(

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Rotate your distractions. That’s the easy answer.

SpatzieLover's avatar

>>>>>How do I focus on the present instead of something I don’t really have? (And something I feel like I will never have.)

Learn Meditation or get a meditation CD to listen to before bed.

Vertexgod's avatar

Hormones are powerful things, if your body thinks it’s found a mate it will definitely play tricks with your brain. Like other people have said here it’s totally normal, if it’s becoming a consuming obsession than you might want to look for other outlets, for guys that usually means porn, for girls “romance novels” which are a nice way of saying girl porn.

And of course you can always act on your feelings, ask this person out, risk rejection and learn from your mistakes. If your really idealistic and swooning than you’ll probably strike out because your too nervous around this person and it will make you seem kinda’ crazy, but in my experience the only way to learn is, sadly, the hard way.

Lorenita's avatar

Why would you like to stop day dreaming??? I think it’s ok to be a romantic, I know cause, I am too… it’s perfectly fine to dream, dreams come true eventually.. you will find the love you are dreaming about =)

lostinyoureyes's avatar

Hi all, I have to say I’m really surprised with the responses! I was a little embarrassed to post this but I guess many people do this too. I didn’t expect to get any “keep dreaming” answers. In fact I didn’t even see that as an option.

Lack of productivity is an issue but also I feel like I’m setting myself up for disappointment… but maybe I should look at it from another view…

Hmm, Law of Attraction! I’ll have to try this out then.

belakyre's avatar

I have this problem. You know what I do?
a. If near a shower, have it cold.
b. Have a nice dose of reality by talking to someone who really hates you. (last resort)
c. Hardcore gaming, it’s hard to think of a guy or a girl when you’re shooting at people’s heads in Unreal Tournament 3

OneMoreMinute's avatar

I agree! Keep the fantasy going, just get rid of the guilt!!!

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