Do you believe in 3 months salary for engagement ring?

I think it depends on whether your fiancée is materialistic and high maintenance. Which is very likely. Which is why it is probably such a widespread standard.

500$ is 3 months salary?? I’m surprised he found someone to marry

@trailsillustrated I know. I don’t think it was his 3mths, but they both didn’t really care about the ring. Reason #1,492,402 why college students should wait to get married :P

If his three month salary is $500 he should wait till he leaves McDonald’s before he gets married.

it should be a discretionary thing meaning, how ever much cash they have laying around to put into it. I agree with the waiting thing…

If my boyfriend ever proposes to me and I find out that he spent 3 months salary on the ring, I’ll smack him and say, “So that’s why the rent is late!”

i think it is a waste of money. a ring with a gem made from silicon carbide instead of diamond is absolutely sufficient.

I hate the idea that the guy is supposed to buy it without the woman’s knowledge. A proposal should not be a surprise. Two people should mutually agree to get married. The symbol of that engagement should likewise be a decision between them – especially since the money that’s HIS right now that he’s spending will shortly be THEIRS. She has a right to help decide how that money is being spent.

I think it’s a scam created by the diamond industry to get us to spend more than we should on a rock. Brilliant.

I don’t believe in the rule. By the way when I was engaged the rule was 2 months, I didn’t know it changed.

When I got engaged I got a zirconia ring (he proposed without having a ring). I couldn’t see buying a rinky dinky engagement ring, and I was not willing to have my boyfriend, and myself in the end, be in debt for a ring. We did get special matching wedding bands that were less than $400 combined for the wedding/marriage. Years later, I have been married for almost 17 years, I now have a beautiful diamond ring that I LOVE! I have never regretted our decision.

Just saying, I don’t mind someone blowing this money on a ring at all. Women have it so much harder than men do in some aspects.
I’d like to be able to have something nice – when in a few years I might be going through the awfulness of child birth.

@pinkparaluies, Childbirth may hurt, but it is not awful. It is amazing.

@pinkparaluies: My mom went through childbirth single. Maybe I should go buy her a nice rock…

@Judi Still, morning sickness, gaining weight, swollen feet, etc. I’m afraid. LOL

@KatawaGrey I like the sound of that!

@pinkparaluies Except in most marriages the financial stability of each partner gets combined into one. If my husband had come into the marriage with credit debt because he wanted to impress me with a $3,000 ring, I would have had to deal with it also. I would rather know my husband is fiscally responsible. If you each have plenty of your own money it is different. Seeing that the ring in question is $500 I would guess neither of them have much money.

@JLeslie I’d rather him save the money and then spend it rather than use credit. But I guess that happens a lot when people don’t wait to get married and jump the gun.

I did not take this to mean that the guy only made $500 in three months. I think you all jumped over the river and through the woods to that conclusion.

The 3 month thing is BS. The couple should work within their means to do whatever will make them both happy.

@ubersiren youre right. he could afford more.

Why would it matter how expensive the ring is? I thought it was a commitment to love and not money.

@pinkparaluies Just think, with the money he spent on your fancy 3-month-salary ring, you could have afforded a better delivery room and pre-natal care….

@pinkparaluies I see your point. When I think about my own life, I would not have wanted to wait for him to save the money, and I would not have wanted him to blow his first $3000 saved on a ring. I’m not saying that is what you are saying, but when my husband and I got married we had about $8,000 saved between us I think, before the wedding gift money. I was more concerned about having savings when we started our new life than the ring.

No, a price cannot be set on love. Anyone who follows that rule is unlikely to stay married. I know of at least ten people that followed that rule, and they are all divorced by now.

My wife’s engagement ring was a loaner from her Mom, (we were fucking POOR when we got together) and we are still married after 21 years. We are both eagerly looking forward to at least another 21 years.

@MrItty Thats the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. I doubt I won’t be able to afford those things when I’m married.

@pinkparaluies I didn’t say you won’t be able to afford them. I said you’d be able to afford better.

Point is, why are you so concerned with the dollar value of the ring, when those same dollars can be put to better use at some point in the future?

@MrItty What is the “better use”, specifically?

@pinkparaluies Why not? How do you know what you will be able to afford when you are married?

@JLeslie Because I’m not planning on marrying a bum? haha

Price doesn’t matter. It’s the meaning the ring has…it can cost anything.
In my opinion, spending so much on it is completely ridiculous. They get scratched and ruined pretty easily (if you wear it every day like I do), and you can get a gorgeous ring that doesn’t break the bank.

@pinkparaluies I think I misunderstood, I thought you meant you won’t be able to afford those things, I read too fast.

@pinkparaluies : You don’t have to marry a bum to have financial problems. I’d say most couples do fall on hard times at one time or another. So, the money you’d be tempted to spend on an extravagant ring could be saved for emergencies. You’d be very grateful!

@pinkparaluies… may I ask how old you are? You sound, forgive me, very naive.

I think I’d have to pay 3 months salary if I want her to say yes. Plus I don’t want my girl wearing some scrub ring…

@pinkparaluies better use: food, clothing, cars, houses, entertainment, vacations, childcare… pretty much “everything that’s not a tiny status symbol”.

three month’s salary would make a nice start on a down payment on a house. Put it all into a piece of gold you wear on your hand? no wonder so many marriages fail, seeing all these unrealistic expectations.

How about a college fund for the baby? A 3,000 dollar ring could be a 500 dollar ring and 2,500 dollars could be put into a savings account for baby.

I brought up the $3000 not @pinkparaluies

@MrItty Do people really get surprised by proposals that often anymore? I could be wrong, but I thought marriage was usually discussed and agreed upon before the surprise proposal, which is really just an exciting way of solidifying what was already decided on.

@Likeradar I certainly hope that’s the case. The question, to me, implied that the ring – and its associated cost – were surprises to the new fiancee.

Lots of penny pinchers making comments haha.
Its not a native thing. Also, why is everyone talking about children??? I plan on having a very long life before I even consider having children. I’d hate for a piece of jewelery that I already own to top my engagement ring.

If my make-believe fiance can afford a nice ring, and I’d like one.. I don’t see whats so wrong with it – haha
Having small tasteful rings are good for some, but big rings are just as good for others. I’m assuming that this is just what I’m used to.

Do people not wait between the engagement and marriage anymore? I’m sure in a year he and I would be able to save up for things like down payments on houses, yadda yadda yadda.

@pinkparaluies What do you think should be the rule? What are your expectations? Do you have an idea of how much you want spent on your engagement ring? Maybe the size of the diamond irrelevant of how much money your fiance is making? It sounds like you thought $500 was not a lot to spend on the ring.

@Likeradar I can’t think of anyone that was truly surprised by being proposed to. Maybe the moment it happened they were surprised..because of how the person asked…but it had been discussed prior. Heck, I picked out my own ring! lol

@pinkparaluies what you call “penny pinchers” the rest of us would call “Adults who live in the real world and have learned that things cost money.” And not just nice things to decorate your fingers. EVERYthing.

It’s not “your make believe fiance” that can afford it. It’s the two of you combined that can afford it. Or are you planning on being one of those “families” that have separate finances? Once you decide to be a couple “for life”, both parties should be involved in all aspects of the financial management.

@pinkparaluies cart before the horse. The fantasy might be the big ring first, but it is more prudent to make sure you have the savings to start your life and save yadda yadda yadda for the huge fabulous ring later. Unless you already have plenty of money for both, then have at it.

@JLeslie I’m not really for or against the 3 month rule. I do however think that it symbolizes a life long commitment between the two of you. I’d be a little more than offended if I knew that my fiance could afford something nice and gave me a cheap piece of crap.

@MrItty Why would I have to pay for my ring?? I don’t plan on living with anyone until I get married for a very, very long time. Also, as I said earlier – I’d much rather he save and spend money that he has rather than going into debt over a ring.

Do people really pay for their own ring? Thats sweet. Get on one knee, propose to me with a ring that I’ll have to also pay off. Wheres the romance in that?

@pinkparaluies I’m going to answer for @MrItty here…his savings will become your savings.

@pinkparaluies You’re not listening. The money that will be spent on your ring currently belongs to your boyfriend, right? Once you get married, his money IS your money. You are paying for your ring, whether he consults you about it or not. Once you get married, everything you buy, he buys. Everything he buys, you buy.

@MrItty I know exactly what youre saying. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be paying for my own ring.

@pinkparaluies Not at first. But once you’re married, the money he spent on the ring is potential money that you could have had. Right?

By the way, where in this discussion did I turn into the bitch? LOL
I’ve never said 3 months is a good rule.

@pinkparaluies yes. It does.

Say you have $5,000 in the bank. Mr. X has $15,000 in the bank. If Mr. X spends $1,000 on a ring, when you get married, you have $19,000 in the bank. If Mr. X spends $5,000 on the ring, you have $15,000 in the bank.

YOU COLLECTIVE, the plural form of the word “YOU”, are paying for your ring.

@jfos True. But theres a lot of time inbetween proposals and marriage.

And it is not being cheap or penny pinching the advice above. I bet most of us giving advice have quite a bit of money at this point, that is how we know to give this advice, we want you to have money too.

I don’t think there has to be a definite 3-month rule, but the couple should be able to afford the ring without going into debt… But it shouldn’t be cheap either. This makes me think of when my man and I were looking at rings. We picked out a very expensive one, and I’m glad we didn’t buy it then because we’d be struggling even more than most now.

@pinkparaluies yes. There is. Which only further proves this point. With the time between your proposal and wedding, the money you spent on the ring could have been invested and turned into more money. Instead, it’s been sitting on your finger looking pretty all this time.

@all All irony aside, I think a good conclusion is the first response.

Okay, I can kind of see what @pinkparaluies is saying. My husband and I hadn’t joined our finances too much before we got engaged, it happened after the engagement. I think I was added to his checking account, and we opened a separate checking/savings account together for vacations and savings.
I’m not ashamed to say that we put my engagement ring on a credit card, MY credit card. I didn’t pay my money towards it though, it was all the money my husband had earned at work…but technically, yes that was both our money and I knew how much the ring cost and saw the statements. That could be a scenario that @MrItty is referring to.

Oh, and when you’re married…unless you have separate bank accounts and keep it all separated, you do share money. Holidays mean my husband and I cannot check the bank statement online so we can still surprise the other with presents…otherwise we’d see where one spent money and know!

@MrItty Yep. And that ring will sit there for the rest of my life.

@pinkparaluies <shrug> If you’re willing to sacrifice increased financial freedom for the benefit of having a pretty shiny on your finger, more power to you. Just be sure you understand the ramifications of your actions beforehand.

@JLeslie: I just had heard the number and thought I’d use it.

@pinkparaluies: All right, I’m going to come at this from a different angle. Why is the ring so important to you, besides the reason you stated above?

@casheroo Exactly. I don’t plan on joining our finances until after we’re married. So this X amount of money isn’t mine that I’m “blowing”.

@KatawaGrey Why wouldn’t the ring be important? I’m not saying that I want a 3 carat rock on my ring, but let it at least be something nice.

@pinkparaluies Exactly, two karats is just fine :)

@Facade LOL.
oh lordy! don’t let someone have something nice and possibly expensive! you could buy 5,000 diapers with that money!!

@MrItty I’m not sure if it’s fair to classify it as a “pretty shiny”. It’s a symbol of two people joining together for the rest of their lives, and she would wear the ring for the rest of her life. It goes deeper than a girl wanting an expensive ring.

@JONESGH Exactly! And don’t you want to feel good when your fiance shows off her ring?

@JONESGH your wedding band is a symbol of being married, an engagement ring is a symbol of being engaged.

@pinkparaluies Yea. I’ll spend my money how I want. Not directed at you

It all comes down to priorities. Also, which characteristics of the relationship the participants deem “important.”

@KatawaGrey I just didn’t want her to get blamed for the number, I wasn’t upset you stole it. :)

@JLeslie it would be a symbol of how much she means to me?
@pinkparaluies of course. And since i don’t plan on being a scrub, i’d hopefully be able to afford a nice ring. How would she feel if i was able to get her a nice ring, and i didn’t? It’s something i would be doing for me as well as her.

@pinkparaluies: Now, don’t jump down my throat. It just seems to me that you want a symbol of the commitment from your fiance which is perfectly reasonable but why does it have to be an expensive ring? Why not the down payment on a house? Why not a beautiful nursery for your first child? heck, why not spend that much more money on the wedding? Why the expensive ring?

@KatawaGrey The ring would outlast all those things. The house may get destroyed by a tornado. Babies grow up. Weddings only last for one day.

@Facade: And rings are indestructible and surgically attached to the hand?

If you have a relationship where appearances count so much that you have a minimum standard for the value of the wedding ring, I fear for the relationship. You spend what is meaningful to you, not what you think other people think you should spend. If you think three months is the minimum, then it seems to me you are focused on material goods, not emotional ones.

Another excellent and wise answer from @daloon!

That’s nothing but a sales promotion De Beers came up with some years ago to boost the average price men spent on engagement rigns. There is nothing written in any ancient text that gives a formula for what should be spent, it’s up to the individual. This is only about rings but in many cultures, there are rules and guidelines for other items of courting, engagement and marriage. Rings are the easy thing.

Everyone.. I’m not engaged or even dating.
I was just curious about this myth about the three month salary. Jesus!

@pinkparaluies Then don’t take it personally.

@daloon I know, but if I hear one more person talk about my hypothetical child and how I should save money for it.. I might go on a killing spree. haha

@pinkparaluies: Then perhaps you shouldn’t have compared an engagement ring to childbirth.

@KatawaGrey Do men have to pay for tampons every month, make up, hair appointments, birth control, etc? I’m sure the money women have spent on things like that would shadow over the cost of an “expensive” wedding ring.

@JONESGH That I understand. In fact I think it is wonderful that you want to show the world how much she means to you. My husband felt like you, he wanted to buy me something nice. I was the one who wanted the zirconia. He came from a family with money, women who had lots of jewelry, and wanted to do what he thought was right. But, his family no longer had money, and he didn’t either, so he went along with the more rational option, and we got the zirconia so he felt like I had something to show off if someone asked.

@pinkparaluies: Really? Are you seriously using these as reasons why men should shell out the cash for a ring? You don’t have to wear make-up, or get your hair done, or be on birth control. Hell, you don’t even need to use tampons or pads. There are re-usable things you can use so you only spend the money once or twice. Also, when you go out with a man, who pays? Even if he pays for himself, that’s still money he’s only spending because he’s on a date.

Edit: Also, when you’re married, since the finances do become one, it’s entirely possible that he will be paying in part for these things.

If my husband spent three months income on a ring for me now I would kill him. It would be way too much money for a ring. The rule doesn’t work because income can be anything. What if you are 35 and your fiance is already making $150K a year, do you want a ring that is $37,000, or $25,000 if we take out taxes?

I think @pinkparaluies is getting jumped on a lot here. Sorry, gal. I think this is sort of everyone’s way of trying to help you not make a mistake :/

Engagement rings are important in that they express your pride in being “taken” and by someone who cares enough to make a big investment in such a gift for his/her mate. Of course this expression varies from couple to couple and person to person. Some people don’t care how modest the ring and some people want to shout it to the world. Both are understandable. But one thing I can guess is that it’s not just about the jewelry. How do I know? Because if it was, there would be more women buying their own diamond solitaires and wearing them around to show off. Instead, such a symbol is reserved for a promise of love and commitment.

I actually have a beautiful ring that we both picked out together. It’s not a diamond, but it’s just as pretty (actually, prettier- not CZ). We spent a fraction of what it would’ve cost to get a diamond. Was it my “dream ring?” No. But I actually think it’s better. It suits me better, suits our life better and I wouldn’t trade it for the Hope diamond.

uh oh, do I detect someone isn’t happy with their engagement ring and has posted a “friend” scenario?

I have some advice to anyone who would even thing about presenting one to a future spouse that an engagement ring is even important to:
Learn enough about your future spouse to know what they would want and if you can provide it. If not then be clear up front about budgeting because it sounds silly but engagement and wedding rings often are the seed of perceived insult and bitterness to come during the marriage. I’ve seen plenty of it and heard even more stories which is totally sad and no way to start things off. This is one reason I think more people should forgo in reverse and exchange simple bands of engagement first and then decide if they want a more elaborate piece of jewelry as the “wedding” piece. There’s just way too much pressure on people about engagement and wedding rings. I used to design and make them when my husband and I had a business and I rarely saw a commission come to completion without at least one meltdown between the couple.

@hungryhungryhortence there is no reason to think she is lying about her friend.

@ubersiren I kind of knew what I wanted, that is why I wanted the relatively inexpensive fake if my husband felt it necessary to put a ring on my finger, and wait for what I really wanted when I felt ok with the money, rather than settle. Not that I question what you did, you obviously love your ring, I am only speaking or myself.

Not to mention that my tastes have changed over time, and I probably never would have chosen the ring I have today.

LOL. SERIOUSLY? I’m only 20.

@JONESGH sorry, I was at lunch. Having a ring is a symbol of their love and committment that will never be lost yadda yadda yadda. Having that ring be big and shiny and expensive is nothing more than a status symbol. A way of proclaiming to the world “Look how much we love each other! It’s expensive, that means it’s better!” (and, yes, “ooh, pretty shiny!”).

I think my future husband should pick out a ring he thinks I’d like best and made him think of me when he saw it, then look at the price.

@JLeslie : Funny you say that because that was originally our plan- to get a “real” diamond when we could afford it. But I’ve grown to love it and don’t want the upgrade. :)

I think DeBeers wants everyone to believe in the three month salary rule. I think they created the rule as a way to sell their diamonds. My next wedding ring will be a simple white gold band. No diamonds for this girl anymore.

In my opinion, the ring should be something the lady will enjoy wearing every day for the rest of her life and be of a value she is comfortable wearing everywhere she normally goes. Beyond that, you shouldn’t spend more than 2 – 3 months salary on it. I always think that boundary is a “no more than” and not an “at least”.

And of course, I think the way we did it was best—he proposed with a cheap brass ring and then we went ring shopping and designing together. I got the “surprise” of a proposal (kind of, we’d talked about it a lot and I knew it was coming), and the comfort of directing him to a ring I’d actually enjoy wearing for the rest of my life.

And it’s gorgeous. Just amazing.

@ubersiren It makes perfect sense your way too. In the end we grow to love the things given to us by the people we love.

@SuperMouse my original wedding band had no diamonds. Someone told me in my religion it was tradition not to have stones in your wedding band (I have no idea if this is true for my religion) because the band represents forever, infinity, seemless, nothing should interupt it. I liked the idea so I went with it.

@MrItty If I did get my girlfriend a big nice ring, it wouldn’t be a way of showing the world I’m better or anything, it would be me showing her I care enough about her to do so.

@JONESGH We’ll have to agree to disagree. I fail to see how “spending more of our money” means “I care about you more”.

@MrItty It’s not a comparison. I’m not saying I love you more than he loves his fiance because I got you a bigger ring. I want to spend lots of money on you because I love you. Of course it’s not the only way of showing affection, there are hundreds of better ways. I’ll just have to agree to disagree

And I’m saying that I don’t see any correlation between “I love you” and “I want to spend lots of money on you”. There is no dollars to love translation.

@MrItty I realize there’s no dollars to love translation, when I love someone I want to buy nice things for them.

@JONESGH AH! There’s the difference. Buying “nice things” is not the same as “wanting to spend a lot of money”. One is wanting to buy a specific item, or a specific experience or whatever, and not being concerned with how much it costs. The other is wanting to spend X amount of dollars, to show just how much you care, the item itself that you get as a result being mostly irrelevant.

Put another way, if the person in question wants a specific ring, and that ring happens to cost 3 months salary, go for it. No question. But to go into a jewler and start looking for rings that specifically cost 3 months salary? To know in advance of seeing any particular product how much money you want to spend? That’s just silly.

@MrItty I believe we’ve come to an agreement my friend :)

@JONESGH Hooray!

@EmpressPixie I have yet to see this gorgeous ring! I’ve been dying to see the design!

@MrItty But you probably would walk in with a limit. You don’t want to be shown rings outside of your price range.

@JLeslie Yes of course. An upper extreme. Not a lower limit. Not “I have to spend at least ____ on this ring”

@MrItty The 3 month thing (or two month thing) is a ball park figure, not a lower or upper limit.

@JLeslie For some people, it is an unwritten “rule”. That’s kinda the point of this question.

@JLeslie and frankly, I even disagree with the “ballpark” idea. It should be “I want to buy a ring she’ll like, as long as it doesn’t cost more than _____.” It should not be “I want to buy a ring that costs around _____”.

@MrItty I don’t disagree, but you more or less know how much you can/want to spend, whether it it is following a rule, or just what YOU want to spend. Maybe the first visit to the store you are getting an idea of how much things cost if you have no idea, but when you are getting down to final decisions you probably have a budget in your mind. Unless you have plenty of money, then you might just walk in and pick what you want. I kind of just picked my latest ring, saw it in the case when we were not shopping for me, and we decided to go ahead and buy it. But, I am not young and just starting out financially.

@JLeslie I’m saying you should know how much you can spend. Not how much you want to spend. The difference may be slight, but I think it’s important. You shouldn’t want to spend any particular dollar amount. It should be the object, the merchandise that’s important. That’s the thing to want. The price tag simply determines whether or not you can afford the thing you want.

My engagement ring wasn’t 3 months salary but it was pretty pricey (at least in my eyes). My fiancé applied for store credit at Kay jewelers in order to afford it. I would have been happy with any ring. I don’t think it’s necessary to save 3 months salary on a silly ring. They have many beautiful rings at lower prices.

@MrItty I agree.

@JLeslie YAY! Two agreements in one question board? That’s gotta be a record for me. :-)

I guess my husband & I were really lucky my parents were divorced. I told my mom we were going to elope & I wanted her wedding ring. Hooray! I have a ring I enjoy that my dad picked out for the one he loved, my husband paid zilch and there’s sentimentality on my finger.

I cannot understand why so much dough is wasted on wedding “stuff”. What a waste of hard work all in the name of materialism. I’d much prefer spending my money and energy to something productive and necessary. MHO, of course.

@SpatzieLover I couldn’t agree more. I’ve never had an engagement ring and my husband and I bought simple gold bands for the wedding. Doesn’t mean he loves me any less. We just like to symbolize our marriage in other, less expensive ways.

@jonsblond Or more expensive… like beautiful kids!!! ;D

If I’d had millions in the bank, I still wouldn’t have spent it on rings and wedding stuff.

@casheroo: I have to find a non-crappy (ie, not my cellphone) camera!

@SpatzieLover Ha! You’ve got that right. Then you get that little painted rock that your child painted at school and that completely makes up for any other kind of rock I may be missing from my hand. ;)

I don’t even wear my engagement ring..it would scratch my son when I’d take care of him, and with all the dishes and cleaning, it was just a pain in the ass to keep on. I wear my simple wedding band all the time. I love it more than my engagement ring, and I think it was half the price. lol

@jonsblond & @casheroo It all boils down to what is really important, if the relationship is put above materialistic wants.

@casheroo Mine is nice and worn in due to 25yrs of previous occupation
@jonsblond Son just had me look at his beautiful art. It makes up for the rocks I wanted on my ears. :)

I totally agree that the ring doesnt NEED to be at the three month price range. Buy what you like and go from there.

Love how I was turned into the wicked witch in this thread haha

@SpatzieLover I think maybe that is a little harsh. I think it is more about financial responsibility rather than putting materialism up against the relationship.

@pinkparaluies Not wicked witch. The people who were critical are trying to give you advice to help you not judge you.

i’d rather have a trip. but i’ve already had the diamond which makes a very pretty dinner ring now

@pinkparaluies nobody villified you. Please stop playing a “victim”. You asked people’s opions. We gave them to you. We tried our best to explain those opinions to you from the perspective of real-world scenarios.

@JLeslie Stubborn advice ;)
I think the ring issue is different to me because this is how its done where I’m from.

Besides, I don’t really need any advice – seeing as I’m not getting married! LOL. Appreciate it, all the same.

@JLeslie No. I think it’s about putting “we” before “me”. That has little to do with finances to me. “Stuff” is not more important than my family.

As for the three months salary conversation: It was made up by de Beers. It’s ridiculous! Both sets of my grandparents got married and years later got rings…both couples were married at the court house, too. They later got married in the Church for anniversaries.

@SpatzieLover I put off buying an expensive ring because I did not think we could afford it. It was all about the money for me, being practical. I loved my husband either way, and would spend his money as if it were my own, and now it is ours anyway.

I see this is a bit of a different way.

To some people, the idea of being taken care of (and not supporting) is what they want/need from their marriage. That’s fine. They can have big rings as a physical reminder of how their spouse felt so strongly about them and wanted to ‘mark’ them as theirs. Some people need the physical talisman to hold onto when times get rough.

To some people they want to take turns in the drivers seat. They tend to think in more nebulus ways and don’t truly need the physical representation of ‘love’ to get them through the tough times. They think about what it ‘could’ have been instead of carbon and gold, and that bothers them. Because they don’t need that physical talisman.

To the point- know your future spouse. If they exist in more Earthen ways then splurge on the ring. If they tend to talk about ideas that aren’t concrete, then look at a simple band that won’t hold them down. Either way is fine- you don’t have to spend anything on a ring. Hell, you don’t even have to have a ring at all.

Know your relationship, know your finances and know your spouse. Ring or no ring.

I spent alot, but I don’t know if it was 3 months worth.

@pinkparaluies You are never getting married?

@JLeslie No.. as I’ve said in the question. My friend was the one that got the $500.00 ring. I was just curious about how much people spend.

@pinkparaluies: in my experiences selling engagement rings to people making less than $100K a year, most people spent between $1500.00— $5000.00

I’ve heard it, but I didn’t follow it. We proposed to each other, and went and picked out the engagement ring and the two wedding rings together. All three cost us $400, which was far from three months salary for either of us.

We recently decided to replace the wedding rings as a 20th anniversary present to ourselves (mine disappeared and his is deformed from yard work), and it is going to run just under $2000 all together.

OTOH, my physical trainer is buying an engagement ring for his sweetie for $6300, which, on his salary, I think is way too much.

@pinkparaluies I know it is for your friend, but the advice and comments are good in general. You don’t have to be in the situation now for you to incorporate it into your own way of thinking for the future.

@JLeslie I know, I know

Three months is silly and Judi is right. It’s a total scam by the diamond companies. I think the kind of ring that the person who’s buying should get, should be highly personal and entirely dependant on what his fiance’s preferences are. I wouldn’t want some big expensive ring bought from a ring farm – I’d want something that either had an interesting story, was specially designed, or was vintage or antique.

This thread made me think of bubble gum wrapper origami rings my friends made for me in middle & high school. I loved that they spent time making them for me.

If a man is really head over heels in love and knows he wants to marry a woman, but hasn’t saved up much money, then what’s wrong with just purchasing a simple engagement ring to start with? In the future, maybe as an anniversary gift, they can upgrade to a bigger ring.

I don’t see the rush, though. If he really likes you, theres time to save. Unless you want to get married RIGHT NOW. (Which I don’t think is right to begin with)

@pinkparaluies I disagree. When madly in love, waiting is sometimes hard to do.

@ItalianPrincess1217 Really? If youre going to spend eternity together.. you cant wait? :P

@pinkparaluies Both of my grandparents rushed to get married. They knew they’d found the one when they met. Why wait?

@SpatzieLover Nah. Surely the divorce rate isn’t so high because people waited. lol

@pinkparaluies It seems to me, but I don’t want to put words in your mouth, that you are thinking, save for the ring, buy the ring. I Don’t think this way about money in general, I never save up for something. I save save save, and when I can afford what I want and still feel I have enough savings left behind I am willing to buy it. I realize not everyone thinks like that. I mentioned earlier my husband and I had around $8K when we got married, way more than what the ring I would have picked would cost, so I had enough money, I just was not willing to reduce my savings by that much at the time, because we also wanted to buy a house and have savings left over. I also got $7K in wedding gift money, still not enough, I had other priorities when we were beginning our life together.

@pinkparaluies Actually the divorce rate was much less in those days. Divorce wasn’t an option, so people chose wisely, and worked out their problems before they threatened their relationships stability.

Now then, I waited. If I would do it over again, I probably would not have. I was too cautious due to my parents marriage and my childhood issues. Had we gotten married earlier, we could’ve saved a lot more money together.

@pinkparaluies Well sure I could wait. I’ve been engaged for a long time. We waited until finacially able to afford the wedding before setting the date. But not everyone thinks the way I do. And I don’t see anything wrong with a man buying a cheap engagement ring to begin with and upgrading later (if the girl even wants to). Some women might turn out to be perfectly happy with the “cheap” ring.

And actually, I was the one who paid for the rings, not my husband. I made more money than he did and I wasn’t raising a teenager, while he was.

I’d rather have a cheaper (but still nice looking ring) and spend the money he would have spent on something practical or towards our wedding.

I agree with @KatawaGrey ‘s very first comment. If my boyfriend spent that much money on a ring, I’d smack him.
I would prefer something simple, elegant, and not a bank breaker. To be honest, I thought $500 was more than enough to do that. Not a quarter machine ring but not some giant bowling ball either. I think the idea of a boyfriend saving up for a ring is terribly romantic, but not enough to put you both out on the street or make things terribly difficult.

I may be in the minority but I’m not a big believer in engagement rings.

A $1 gumball ring would make me happy to no end.. I don’t care about the ring.. it’s him and everything about him that matters <3

I knew my hubby, as a friend, for a year before he asked me out, and before he asked me, he had asked permission to ask me from my grandmother (who raised me.) She loved him for that and never forgot it. We went on our date, and less than 2 weeks later he asked me to marry him. He came to our house after he finished work one evening, on his way home, and asked if we could go into town on saturday to chose my ring. Well my hubby was almost finished his (7 years including 2 years at college)apprenticeship with a large jewellery company, he trained as a watchmaker. On the saturday, we went into town and he said he’d picked a ring and hoped that I’d like it. We went to the jewellers and he showed me a ring which was just about the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, but was so bloody expensive. He told me it was fine because he’d saved up about a third and would use that as deposit, and had arranged to pay up the rest in instalments each week from his wage. I just looked at him and can’t begin to tell you how much I loved him for it. The thought he’d put into chosing it, the arrangements he’d made to pay the rest, and that I meant enough to him to do it all. I then told him it just wasn’t me. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have owned something that beautiful, but there was just NO way I’d have allowed him to get into debt for me. So I told him a wee fib. I said it was lovely, but it just wasn’t me, and he said, well pick anything I liked, it might take him longer to pay off but that it was fine.

Long story short, I dragged him round just about every jewellers in town, saying I’d know THE ring when i found it and he was, god love him, just happy to follow me. I was looking for a ring that was cheap enough to be affordable, but not so cheap as to be insulting to him. I saw the ring I still have to this day, (in Beaverbrooks, anyone in the UK remember them? <smiles> although its in my jewellery box upstairs now, he bought me another ring on our 9th aniversary). My engagement ring cost less than £30 (although this was nearly 27 years ago, so don’t know what that equates to now, maybe £100 or £150) and is a gold band with a single garnet set into it. Hubby was really disappointed, tried to talk me into “something better” as he put it. I stuck my wee foot down though and said I loved it and after spending about 3 hours treking round shops, he gave in. I told him years later, and he said he’d pretty much worked it out on his own, although it took him a while :-)

I genuinely believe that the ring shouldn’t be important at all. What is important is that you are sure you want to be with this person for the rest of your life. We celebrate our 25th aniversary soon and I’m still sure. Don’t go telling him, but he still lights up a room just by walking into it :-)

@bunnygrl that is a disgustingly cute story; like weeping girl sobbing movie material; lurve forever

Three? I thought it was two? And I thought it was a scam by the DeBeers company, who hoard diamonds in an attempt to make them seem rare and thus be able to charge a lot of money for them.

I’m not a golddigger, but frankly my fiancée doesn’t earn enough in three months to buy me the ring I deserve.

@ratboy harsh…

I think the thought that goes into the ring is the important part.
I guess that’s why I’d prefer a store ring over a quarter machine ring. It shows he’s willing to take the time to find something he thinks you’d like and put out the money to get it. A quarter machine takes about 5 seconds and is random. Cute but still random. I don’t think he should have to break the bank, but being willing to save for your ring means a lot more thought to me.
And call me a sucker for symbols, but I think having one given to you is romantic and important.

Just after I wrote my first post on this thread, the phone rang. It was the jeweler calling to say that our rings were ready. Nice timing!

I would probably get mad if I knew someone spent that much on a ring for me. It’s so small. This thread inspired me to check out some different rings online. The ones in the 3 month salary range were kind of ugly. Coolest one I found was $500. Why should it cost so much if it doesn’t have to? To prove that he really means it? I think just the act of buying the thing at all should prove that?

@Darwin Synchronicity!

@patg7590 <throws hugs> aw thank you. I really do know how lucky I am. I have always told folk, when asked, marry your mate, then you’ll be able to have a laugh, argue when you feel like it, anything you do with your best pal, but its sooooo much better. That having been said, I can’t argue with hubby. You know how somedays you’ve had a bad day, or are just in a crabbit mood and just feel “niggly”? he’s a sod in those cases because he just doesn’t argue LOL. On the odd occassion i’ll snap at him or yell about something, he just goes off and makes me a cup of tea! how can you argue with that :-)

I have a wonderful friend who is single and I wish more than anything that I could clone hubby for her. She doesn’t half attract bad’uns. I told her when we were at college that she was a creep magnet and god love her she still is. It bugs all hell out of me, it really does because she is just about the sweetest, loveliest person and deserves the very best from life. Sometimes I think that maybe being born very attractive makes life tougher (not that I’d know LOL). My friend is just stunning, a real head turner, when she walks down a street people (guys) stop what they’re doing, I’ve seen it so many times, but all she attracts are, I suppose, guys who want something beautiful on their arm, but not something beautiful with a brain (and with a law degree, that she certainly has). sometimes life sucks, and it bugs me that it seems to suck the most for nice people.
hugs xx

This is complete BS thats been pushed by DeBeers its just a bunch of marketing crap.

Honestly if the person you are buying the ring for cares if you spent “3 months” salary on it then who the hell are you engaged to?

I have a ring on my right hand that’s a family ring. Its well over a hundred years old and its beautiful. Its simple (in an almost deco way, although it was made well before that movement), yellow gold with a little embellishment, a black enamel square around white gold in a square around a cushion cut round diamond. Its not huge, its not very ornate, its simple and beautiful. I honestly don’t care what is spent on my engagement ring, I would just like something that is as interesting and unique as the one I already have. Since its not all that grand, I don’t think one would have to really break the bank in order to top it (though its value, in sheer antique age, would likely top a new ring) or match it. When it comes to a ring, I care more about having something different than having something expensive. It someone can find something that is unique and suits my personality and tastes and it costs 50 bucks, that’s fine by me. but I’m not going to pitch a fit if it doesn’t conform to some arbitrary number as far as cost.

The important things are the relationship and the life you’re planning on building together. I agree with the idea that sinking a ton of money into a ring is nuts when you can use that money elsewhere, namely for a down payment on a house or something else that will benefit you in many ways for years to come. It is nice to have nice jewelry, but the cost has to be calculated in relation to both the monetary value and the lost potential that the money could have had if not stuck on a pretty little thing on your finger that could get lost or stolen.

@avvooooooo – Sounds like you may want to look for someplace that sells estate jewelry, not something brand new and soulless.

@Darwin Yep, that may be the bridge I cross when I get to it.