How many kids that are five years old would it take to take you down?

I’m thinking about 25.

I would be running too fast in the other direction to take any down.

hmm 42. It would be fun until the “family jewels” were damaged.

Take me down as get me to the floor?
Those little buggars can jump and pull, I’m thinking I might be outnumbered pretty quickly.

I’m thinking minimum 10. Possibly around 15 though. But, no more than that. I would start feeling bad about knocking them down..probably because my gut reaction would be to push them off of me by the head lol

I can take all of them. I’ll bring an infinite amount of candy and puppies- they won’t stand a chance. (not a weapon, right?)

I should hope that i never go through that but, maybe 17 (:

25 sounds about right.

I’m imagining this in my head…and it’s epic.

Hmm, dunno. My friend’s 7 year old brother kicked me in the knee once this summer; that pretty much took me down. Really hurt. Little bastard. :)

I have 12-year-old twins. That means 7 years ago, two 5 year olds took me down repeatedly.

@johnpowell A) How did you come up with this question? and B) I would hire an ice cream truck and driver, get out of the passenger seat and run. Most 5-year-olds probably haven’t seen an ice cream truck in their lives yet, so they would ignore me.

@pdworkin Yeah- our twins are 7 now- even when they were 4 they brought me down.

@pdworkin I hear ya. My five year old takes me down daily. ;)

@Fred931, Eddie Murphy made a joke in Delirious on how ice cream truck drivers mess with little kids like that by driving just fast enough to make them run until they’re out of breath from chasing it. “Watch me make them little f%$^#ers run…!”

Oh, how many? Well, seeing as most 9-year-olds these days are already my size, probably… very close to… nearly… 0. I would be able to take down 0 five-year-olds, and two or three of them would have me down in seconds.

My four and six year old can be pretty rough, but if I’m already on my feet they can’t take me down. yet I think it would take at least a few more of them.

However, if I am sitting on the couch and the boys jump on me, it’s very difficult to remove them and get up! You do have to watch our for those hard heads and sharp elbows.

We have a guy in town who drives an old fashioned ice cream truck with his rather aged dog in the passenger seat. All the kids know him by name, and since we live near the school we see him all the time. I think the ice cream truck plan would work, because very few things are more exciting to a child.

>-Once they hit the ground they are out.

Where are they coming from if not the ground? I have to be able to picture this.

The answer could be as low as 3, depending on our starting positions.

36

http://howmanyfiveyearoldscanyoutakeinafight.com/

Like @Jeruba, my number is considerably lower than most listed here. I would say that five could take me down. They can jump pretty high, one jumps on the front, another on the side, they all start pulling or pushing, I’m down in seconds.

@poisonedantidote :: This was a fun question on ask.mefi a long time ago. I just re-posted it here. Looks like a mefite made a site out of it.

@johnpowell

no idea, the site is quite old though.

@poisonedantidote Holy God, I thought I’d never get to the results!

According to that quiz: Well, you are no Hulk Hogan, you could take 8 five year olds in a fight. Your lack of fighting ability is complimented by your love of people, especially children. So, this is actually a good thing, your compassion has held you back.

That’s the nicest way I’ve ever been called a wimp!

@Jeruba :: If their trunk is on the ground they are out. Or their hands.

I like that it’s perfectly plausable for 5 year olds to be killing machines. It’s a tough age.

Infinite amount, Einstein’s theory of general relativity says so.

@MissAusten

i dont think thats the original site. i just looked it up on google. the old one used to be red, with different questions.

Depends on the kids. I could take 100s of kids like my daughter, maybe thousands of Mikes even, but it would take only one or two Mary-Lous to drive me nuts and have me begging for mercy.

Candy Stevens
Mike and Mary-Lou Ribeiro

(I’ve taken up to five at one time, including one Mary-Lou)

Is the ground soft and bouncy? If so, 15 or so. maybe more. If not, I don’t think i’d get farther than 4 before I started to feel bad.

Unless they’re zombies. Then it’s a fight to the death!

I’d have to estimate… three, tops.

I would imagine it would look something like that scene from the matrix where hundreds of Mr. Smiths are just running around the corner and I am throwing them around like wet noodles and showing off. So probably thousands because I think it would only take a solid punch to a small childs head to take them out of the game.

Not many. I’m pretty easy to man-handle. :-/

Depends on whether they’d learned to kick in the nuts yet…if so, 0…if not, until my foot got sore from kicking them in the nuts

@MissAusten I got 8 too. Wimps unite! :)

Still seems like a lot, though. 5-year-olds can be aggressive.

”5-year-olds can be aggressive.”

No shit. My niece is five. I’m pretty sure she could kill me (possibly literally) all by herself.

”-No weapons allowed.”

How unfair. I really need my Katana.

The VERY WORST class I ever taught in was a kindergarten class. With two students in the whole class. These poor boys were so very, very bad they had been flat kicked out of their respective schools. In kindergarten. In some ways it was a little scary, they were that bad. (So very sad at the same time.) Four kids like that could take me down.

I would never go down, one good kick to the face and they would be out. I could kick 5 year olds in the face all day, no problem…

I’m going to be ambitious and say 30. I like kids, but to hell with being taken down by 5 year olds; all balls out. (Now if this was the wii, I’d lose because my 5 year old niece takes me out on the damn wii. Grr.)

@trogdor_87 You are a sheet!

@dalepetrie I’d like to see the 5 year old that can kick high enough to get a grown man in the nuts. It’s the head-butt you have to watch out for. Just ask my husband.

Hundreds, depends if they were serious.

@MissAusten ROFL!!!

Who else feels like anybody who says a number higher than ten hasn’t met a real five-year-old since they were one?

@MacBean I fought with five 3rd graders or so when I was in 5th grade, fairly easy. I’d expect fighting with 5th graders now to be just as easy as the 3rd graders, ehh, or maybe not. I try to think of them as zombies.

I’m currently 99lbs so less than five 5yr olds could fell. Just one could do easily by kicking the back of one of my knees then stomping me when I drop- my 20lb dog has done it minus the stomping part.

Cant. . .answer. . .right now. . .too. . .many. . .of them. . .strength. . .weakening. . .

greatest fucking question EVER! i never click the GQ but i did here before i got to the body.

Maybe 10.

Or

Anyone who has been attacked by ninja toddlers in the night knows to watch their back, as they are sneaky. They feel no remorse jumping you, demanding a piggy back ride, when you least expect it. As I am myself – by birth – part ninja/part hero I am not sure what to expect from this showdown. My strides are cat like and soundless, and I could probably pass without detection. Also, I know by heart and disciplined training a variety of ducking moves.

Would I be detected I would assess the situation, give it a power pat-down, and after eye balling eachother, exchanging mortifying looks, I would commit to the fight with no fear.

However, knowing that everything involving children can be solved by a ball, I would suggest throwing that in one direction and shooting for the other.

@MissAusten – my 8 year old was 5 not that many years ago, he got me a few times, probably not by kicking though. Punching, flailing, tackling and putting a firm knee or elbow, any number of ways a 5 year old can achieve that effect. And remember, they don’t necessarily have to come from below, they’re proficient climbers and can get you from any angle when you least expect it.

My little brother and sister are only a little bit older than that. So I know for a fact it only takes two. I’m so weaksauce.

@Haleth GA for usage of the term “weak sauce”. :)

The question about the 5 year-old with terminal cancer who likes Christmas cards took me down for just a little bit there . . .

5–10

@dalepetrie Yes, so true. I see you are an expert as well. Being female, I don’t have that particular weakness. However, sometimes a well-placed elbow to the chest can be quite debilitating. The worst, however, is when the back of a child’s head connects with your nose or lip.

Those little suckers can be deadly.

12

I don’t know if I could actually hit a 5 year old.
Maybe punt them a little ways to get them off me.. but not beat.
I’m gonna go with two.

@MissAusten – ah yes, the reverse head butt, always a game ender. Of course, I have one of those boisterious younguns who like sto wrestle (whether I want to or not), despite my being 4 times his size (and he’s not a small kid by any means, I’m just an exceptionally big fella). About 99% of the time he wants to wrestle, one of us gets hurt, which is a double whammy cuz you don’t want to get hurt and you don’t want to hurt your own kid but when those are the only two choices, sometimes you have to find the line between self defense and child abuse. Let’s just say, two of the baby teeth he’s lost so far came out while we were wrestling, once when I accidentally kicked him in the face and once when my I felt my finger go in his mouth and I pulled it out quickly, only to bring out the loose tooth with it. It ends the wrestling match, but whenever you amke your kid bleed, it’s not a good parenting day.

Infinite. Roaring would scare a third of them, a pinch would make a third run to mommy and the other 33% would go down with a nice kick to the face.
In reality, one. I know this for a fact.

5 year olds are a piece of cake, I thought this was about 5th graders when I first responded.

@Samurai cake in the frizzer??

@bagelface The cake that peach lied about.

???

All it would take is one. My grand kids are so amazing they floor me all the time. It must have something to do with the melted heart.

All my four year old has to do is say “Will you color with me?” and I’m down in a second. So that’s one 4yr old for me. I’ll bet it’s the same # when he turns 5.

BEST QUESTION EVER.

My kids will attest to the fact that it would only take one. You know what Dale was saying up there, about someone always getting hurt during wrestling matches? Yeah, that would be me. Every. Single. Time. :’(

Realistically speaking, it would take many, as it would be very difficult for a small group of 5 year-old kids to take me down, unless they decided to play “dirty” and go for my eyes or shins.

I’d probably find it more comical that these insignificant youngsters would want to fight me. Lol.

@poisonedantidote: That was absurdly long. :-(
My results were eight 5-year-olds, although, I think the quiz fails to quantify natural aggression and creativity. @johnpowell said we couldn’t bring weapons, which is fine, but he didn’t say we couldn’t use the 5-year-olds themselves. I’d take out the first few with some overly aggressive punches and jabs, utilizing my greater reach, then, seizing the one that seemed the most unconscious by the ankles, I would begin swinging him about, cranium out, like some bizarre mace. I imagine the fear factor alone of some crazed man tossing 5-year-olds about using the limp body of another 5-year-old would have a clearing effect all of its own. With the proviso of an infinite wave of 5-year-olds, the limiting factor would be physical exhaustion. One must sleep eventually.