I lost the love of my life 20 years ago, on Nov. 14. Should I feel guilty as I finally start to let go?

Every time I have tried, because my friends tell me that “walling myself off to love is unhealthy,” it feels like I’m losing a part of me. At 42 years old, I look in the mirror and see a person I don’t know. It is as if, in my mind, I’ve been frozen in time until recently. In my mind’s eye I’m the same person I was on the day she died. Now I’m telling strangers about a person that I normally don’t even admit to my friends is gone. Not talking about her makes it seem like it never happened. I feel a overwhelmingly pathetic. But, the other day, I actually wrote about her on Fluther and it made me feel like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. Now I feel guilty. Should I feel guilty about that?