What should I do to take care of all these issues Im having before I have a nervous breakdown?

Do what you can to help with your Aunt (I’m really sorry to hear that), drop the guy friend (with the girl) – drama; take care of yourself (eat well, exercise, chill, sleep well), get outside of yourself (so to speak) and volunteer (get out of your head)—meet new (decent) people that way (potential friends?). If you try your best and still you and your Mom don’t see eye to eye, maybe, think about family counseling.

I wish you luck!

I agree with @jmah

Let’s see what you’ve said:

Your last friend is dumping you because you you’re talking trash about his girlfriend.
Your last friend says you complain too much
Your last friend’s girlfriend used to be your friend but you’re going around talking trash about her behind her back, and she can’t stand you.
You and your mom are having relationship issues.
Your excuse for your bad behavior towards others is that your aunt has cancer.

Sorry, not buying it. You have something else going on here besides your aunt’s illness that you need to get to the bottom of. Somehow you’ve lost sight in all this that you are responsible for your actions and the consequences of your actions. You’re acting badly, and people are calling you on it. Counseling will help you get a grip on making the connection between your behavior and the reaction of those around you.

I emphasize last friend, because what you’re saying is, you’ve lost all your other friends as well.

Concentrate on your family. If he is your friend, he will continue to be one.

@PandoraBoxx I don’t think her excuse was her aunt, I think her aunt having cancer was just part of the list of things that is upsetting her.

Wow, @jmah just covered the bases! Try to find some common ground with your mom by going to the movies together, or doing something with her. Often, parents crave peaceful interaction with their kids.

@PandoraBoxx I am NOT doing those things people are just saying that I am doing those things when really i think there just spreading crap around to piss me off. And my Aunt having cancer was part of the isues i am having Not an excuse for a way i am acting when i am not even acting that way.

@Brenna_o, then I apologize, but what you’re written read differently to me.

Start with your mum…...what’s going on with that?

Hmm, it seems to me that perhaps you could begin with getting yourself back into shape, as it were. Both emotionally and physically, eat right, take some steps to living healthily. Once your mother sees this, she will begin to come back around to you, seeing that you’re making things right in your life and appreciate the effort to which you’re going.

Once you have this in place, you will be in a better frame of mind with which to deal with Psychos :-)

@Brenna_o: Ignore dramatic childish people. This girl isn’t your friend and she hasn’t been for a long time. Look into getting some counseling – ask your mother for help on that one. And as for your aunt – I believe everything was covered in your previous question regarding her cancer.

Also, you are not a victim – stop acting like one. You have the power to walk away from these people. They are doing nothing to you that cannot be avoided. Grab you cell phone, delete their numbers and their text messages, remove them from your friends on Facebook and sever any other contact you may have with them.

Then, never think of them again. There are better people in the world and friends you have yet to make who would never dream of threatening to ‘rip your face off’.

No friend of mine has ever said that or anything antagonistic to me, and I would never do it to them. You may have to learn to be comfortable on your own for a while but when you remove the negative from your life, it makes it ten times easier to squeeze in some more positive.

@asmonet Amen.

Take a deep breath, relax, then re-read @asmonets post.

Tomorrow morning read it again.

You deserve better- now do what it takes to get it.

I agree with @as, drop the the losers, first. They’re only bringing you down. Then, focus on yourself (mentally, emotionally, physically). Do the volunteer thing that I had mentioned. Also, do things that will make you feel better about yourself (again, volunteering may be one). You need a little self-esteem boost, I think. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit.

It’s all on you. Hard work, yes, but, you deserve to be happy!

Why on earth does everyone tell me I am acting like a innocent victim? I am simply trying to make things better.. Is that being a victim?!?

If all ‘conventional’ avenues have failed to help your aunt, then you could consider letting her sister (your mom) know about this place and to perhaps ask her to watch the related videos on the subject before making any decisions.
As for your other difficulties, you’ve enough quality advice in this thread, to be going on with.

@Brenna_o: Often it’s only others who can see what we’re really doing in a situation. Your own words were what we had to guide us as to your part in this, some of us came to the conclusion you were in a way identifying as a victim of circumstance. For that, you have only yourself to blame.

I tink a lot of people are being very hard on @Brenna_o She is in high school from what I can tell (correct me if I am wrong) and doesn’t want people misjudging her or spreading lies (I don’t like it at age 41). It is completely unerstandable that she is stressed and upset about what is going on. I agree to just forget about those freinds for now and move on. The girlfriend is jealous probably, and there is not way to reason with her she is a mean girl. Her aunt is sick, which is very sad, and I am sure her mom is very sad, and so there is untold stress on the family in general I would assume.

I think getting a job might help, meet new people, feel productive, and make some cash. Maybe a store in the mall or something? My first job practically saved my life. I was lonely because my friends were into partying, and I wasn’t, I was very depressed. I got a job, and being with older people (not much older, most were older teens) who were more mature, was the best thing.

__I am NOT doing those things people are just saying that I am doing those things when really i think there just spreading crap around to piss me off.__

Okay, I have to ask, exactly why do you think people would go from being your friend to spreading crap around to piss you off?

I really do think that, to answer your original question, yes, you should take care of all of these issues before you have a nervous breakdown. But I do think that perhaps what you’re seeing from your friend’s behaviors is not the problem, but the symptom of something else that you’re not saying or seeing. It sounds like there’s something else going on that you need to get to the bottom of, and when you do, a lot of things will fix themselves. This is where counseling can be really helpful.

@PandoraBoxx High school. Did you see the movie mean girls?

@Brenna_o Just want you to know that someone many miles away is empathising with you. While there is no such thing as an instant fix, the relationship with your mother might be a good place to start as well as offering you a firm footing from which to approach the other issues. If you were my daughter I could not resist a suggestion that we do something together, just the two of us.

@Brenna_o I am sorry you are going through so many things right now. The only advice I have is to take some control back. Don’t let your “friend” or his girlfriend have so much power over you and your feelings. If what they are saying or doing is hurting you, remove them from your life.

Rumors may get started, but most people figure out the truth when the subject of those rumors ignores it all. Don’t get upset, just dismiss it. Shrug and roll your eyes or say “that’s ridiculous” and change the subject.

I think that @JLesilie has hit the nail on the head!

@Brena_o – Apart from your Aunt’s illness (which I’m terribly sorry to hear about,) it all sounds like typical high school drama to me! What grade are you in, love? I can empathise with you, as I also dealt with some pretty tough stuff during high school. Now that I look back on it, it was a really cruel place and since then, whilst I’ve had to deal with unpleasant people again, it’s been as many people in such a short space of time!

The problem with high school is that you’re all going through this massive change in your life – you’re not children anymore and are becoming young adults, hormones are going crazy, you are trying to figure out who you are as a person and where you fit socially into school. Now I know people will tell you things like “you should just be yourself/ people should like you for you/ you shouldn’t have to change for anyone just to fit in” which is true, you shouldn’t have to…. BUT, at the end of the day, a lot of us have probably forgotten how hard high school was at times. I’m a high school teacher now myself and have been able to look at this school culture from a different perspective, having already been through it and going back there in such a short space of time. It’s hard! I know for a lot of people (like me,) it was just about survival – I just wanted to fit in, not draw attention to myself because I didn’t want to be a loaner!

Within this institution, you get forced (to a certain extent) to try and find some common grounds with people who you go to school with and you do it really because you just don’t want to have to sit by yourself at lunch. I know that when I was in high school, we all thought we would be “bff!” Truth of the matter is, once you’re out of there, you’ll come to make friends who are really that FRIENDS and not people you just consider friends. Uni was the best thing in the world for me- all of my closest friends i have now, came from there. I’m sure once you get out of school you’ll realise that the people that you hang round with now, might not necessarily be the people you would pick again if you had your time over!

In all honesty- I agree with everyone who has said “drop these people” who you consider to be “friends.” It sounds like a bunch of petty rubbish that you don’t have to put up with! Girls tend to be VERY bitchy round that age and it sounds like your mate’s gf is just jealous. Unfortunately, she’s probably got him wrapped round her little finger. I’m sure he’ll look back on this one day and regret having listened to her… once he’s grown his own brain! If you haven’t been calling her names and badmouthing him or her, then don’t waste your time trying to justify it – she’s obviously a compulsive liar and as I’ve learnt (after dating one for 5 months) you can’t win! Cut your losses, hope that they break up and he comes to his senses or if he doesn’t, he’s honestly not worth your time! Do you really want to continue you a friendship where you are constantly trying to prove to him that you’re a good friend/a nice person/ you would never say anything bad about his gf? If he REALLY is a true friend, he should already know all of this stuff! He’s clearly an idiot who has been brainwashed and is wasting your time!
In regards to this other girl (your best friends, girlfriends, friend… lol I hope that’s right,) you said yourself that you don’t even want to be friends with her anyway. If that was REALLY true, then it wouldn’t have been an issue my dear and you wouldn’t have put it in! If she means nothing to you, then honestly she isn’t worth a second thought. By the sounds of it, she isn’t that connected to you anyway so just ignore her!

As for your health- everyone is right, you NEED to look after yourself! This means eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep and taking times to do the things YOU enjoy! I’m sure everyone has probably been preaching the same sorta stuff but honestly, it’s just obvious changes. If you fail to get yourself back into a normal routine (by doing the things above) you will sabotage your mind and body! I suffered from depression for a while and after I learnt to deal with it, I realised that what I was doing to myself was a self-fulfilling prophecy!

I didn’t feel good about myself so I ate a lot of junk food but also ate when I was tired, stressed, bored etc. As a result surprise surprise- I put on a lot of weight. Because I put on the weight I felt incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin and didn’t want to go out and do things, which made me even more depressed. I didn’t want to exercise because it had become “too hard” whilst carrying the excess weight and I would go to bed at all sorts of crazy times which totally threw out my body-clock. Of course all of this was adding depression, on top of depression, on top of even more depression. It was only I decided that I was not going to idly sit there and play the victim and would get up and do something about it!

I agree with everyone, and ask mum (sorry, I’m Australian… I mean mom) if she can help you find a councillor to talk to. Honestly- talking to someone, particularly someone who is qualified to deal with these situations really helps! Rather than wallowing in your own self-pity, they can see things straight and see it from a different perspective. Also, have you sat down and talked to your mom about what’s going on/what you’re feeling?
I know that I had a pretty rough relationship with my mum when growing up. It was just because we were constantly in each other’s pockets. You want her to see things from your perspective and she wants you to see things from hers. At the end of the day though, I’m sure she loves you dearly and if you sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart she will understand! I can guarantee she’s probably been in a similar situation at one point or another in her life also! It’s really important to have that family support there if it’s available!

I think this is where the wires are getting crossed between you and the other members writing their responses on here. They’re not trying to put you down by telling you to “not play the victim card,” they are trying to help – even though It’s ALWAYS hard to hear that kind of advice when you’re down! At @asmonet was right when saying “Often it’s only others who can see what we’re really doing in a situation.” It’s because we are external observers of the situation that we can see it for what it truly is. Although, I believe that many of us have forgotten how hard it is when you’re a teenager trying to fit in school.

I think people are trying to say all of this stuff because as adults you learn to cope better (and it’s only because we’ve had the experience,) and put things into perspective. When you’re in high school (and please don’t think I’m trying to pass judgement or stereotype here,) although you think the sky is falling down and you’re the most hard done-by person on the planet, a lot of these feelings and thoughts are very self-centred. When I say this I am in NO WAY saying that you are selfish person, I’m just saying that based on personal experience (and i was a very selfish teenager,) it was only when I left high school and actually experienced life, worked with a variety of people, established who I was in my own life and dealt with issues far more complex it, kinda puts things into perspective!

We can all see it for a different angle mostly because we’ve had that experience. I think however, we as respondents, need to be fair though and acknowledge that you did put your post up to ask for help and no matter how old you are, being told to “stop acting like a victim” regardless of whether you are or aren’t isn’t always what you wanna hear that, at the time. Everyone is offering you good advice, I think the problem is that they haven’t clearly explained it to you in a way that you can understand and relate to, either that or you’re getting your “defence-on” and not allowing yourself to look past the harsh (but true) words, to look at the message behind it.

What everyone is saying by “stop playing the victim” is not- Shut up and stop whining because you’re an annoying person and no one cares! They’re saying that we are listening to you talk about these horrible people who you call “friends” who are treating you with very little respect and you are chasing around to try and prove that you’re not a bad person! We’re sitting here thinking “Well… if they really are friends, you wouldn’t be in this current predicament!” So, being observers of the situation everyone’s offered you the same advice- get rid of them!

I know it’s easy for us to all say this because at the end of the day we don’t know what your relationship used to be like with your friends or all the stuff you guys used to do – we can’t see the connection to these people like you do. By saying that you are “playing the victim” they mean that at the end of the day, you really do have a choice in this situation so use it! Unfortunately, I know it’s not one that you want to consider as an option though which is why you’re getting so defensive! You have one of two choices hunni- stay in this situation feeling like a bad person (which can lead to all kinda self-descrutive paths down in the track) and resenting these people (but never actually letting go of this whole situation) or you can make a positive step in the right direction and move on!

To us, these people are just disposable characters in your story but I know it’s a lot harder for you because they were people you trusted and enjoyed the company. I imagine it must be terribly confusing to having someone you care about turn on you. I’m sure that you are also probably “willing” them get over it so it can go back to the way it was before. I honestly know how hard it is just to cut those ties and walk away because you might also feel that you’re turning your back on something when you could have tried to fix it.

Truth of the matter is, if it was fixable, it would have been resolved by now! You’ve gotta make a choice now to do the best thing by YOU and not anyone else and move on. When you look back of this situation in years to come, you will see it for what it is. I know this info is not helpful at this point in time because it’s NOT a couple of years down the track and that you have to deal with it now… I’m also aware that by posting your msg up here you were secretly hoping for a quick-fix to make it all good about yourself again, unfortunately it’s one of those crappy situations that just take time, experience and self-actualisation! You are a worthy person and you shouldn’t have to put up with this!

Is there another group at school that you could go hang out with? When I was at school, my mum could see I was hanging out with the wrong people and desperately wanted me to change my group of friends. At the time I didn’t think that I could or that there really was anyone else I could sit with, but now that I really think about it, there were plenty of other people I could have hung-out with instead. If you don’t know that many other people maybe take up some sort of extracurricular activity the school is offering like drama club or a sport… whatever you enjoy. At least then you can meet some people who share common interests.

Now i’m terribly sorry for the essay but as I said before, I’m a teacher and care a great deal for my students who are around the same age as yourself. I get approached about these kinds of issues all the time from students! I think they come to me because in comparison to other teachers, being only 24, it hasn’t been that long since I was at high school dealing with the same problems.- That’s why after reading your post and everyone’s responses, I thought I would try and shed some light on the matter as I can see the problem from your perspective but also understand why people are giving you the advice that they are.

I really respect you for asking for help because I know it can often feel overwhelming and that you can’t talk to people around you for fear of them telling you that you’re being silly- Online forum was a good choice!  I’m aware that there is a lot of ‘waffle’ in here but I just want you to know that this response was written with sincerity! My hope was that if you only took one tiny piece of advice/info from this OR there have some a couple of words that have made you feel better about the situation/yourself, then my hour of writing has been worth it!

I wish you all the very best of luck with this sweetheart and just hope for you to be happy! Please let us know how you are coping and if you have any other questions or just need to chat, hit me up!! xx

Lurve to @Courtybean for his Dalepetrie imitation

@JLeslie I do think people have been being hard on me and yes i have been really upset about it. I do have a job tutoring 4th graders and it has been saving my life lately.. Itacts aas an escape from all the stress and heart ache of life..
@Courtybean will read soon on the run right now so ill get back to you lol.

@filmfann huh?! what?! Who or what is Dalepetrie?!

Plus did you just refer to me as a he?! lol

Dalepetrie is a man on fluther who frequently writes long fantastic essays on topics.

Hahaha. I see, well move over Dalepterie!
However, I still think I was referd to as a man…. :-s
Thanks @JLeslie !

@Courtybean Sorry for the gender confusion, but your avatar is kinda phallic.

@filmfann….. LORDY!! YIKES!! OH NO!!

On first reading your response I was like “Whaaaaaaat?! No way!!” So I typed fleur de lis + phallic symbol into Google and sure enough…. there was stuff on it being a phallic symbol (not a lot mind you.) :-(

I never realised it had a phallic connections, nor has anyone ever informed me of this!

I picked this picture for my avitar because it was the first clipart pic that I came across in my pictures file and just wanted to get rid of the ugly cat picture that the moderators gave me! lol

The reason for my momentary “freak-out” is that i’ve actually got that exact picture (my avatar pic) tattooed on my hip!

I’ve always loved the symbol, thought it was beautiful and was attracted to it (boy… doesn’t saying that sound wrong knowing what I know now!) I did quite a bit of research on the symbol before I decided to get it permanently imprinted into my skin and chose it for the following reasons:

*In the reign of King Louis IX (St. Louis) the three petals of the flower were said to represent faith, wisdom and chivalry, and to be a sign of divine favour bestowed on France.

*In alchemy the lily symbolized the female principle and it has also symbolized the fertility of the Earth Goddess.

*the lily symbolizes prosperity, purity, royalty, perfection, light and life.

* In medieval England, from the mid-12th century, a noblewoman’s seal often showed the lady with a fleur-de-lis, drawing on the Marian connotations of ‘female virtue and spirituality.’

* On many maps, the fleur-de-lis is used to indicate north on the compass rose. The symbol is used so used because it “points in the right direction (and upwards) turning neither to the right nor left, since these lead backward again- therefore you will always move forward in life heading in the right direction. You will never turn back or never get lost.”

At the time I wanted something symbolic for my new change/direction in life (which is particulary why I liked the last dot point.) I felt that it must have been a “sign” that I was attracted to the design and then found out it was symbolic of me/my life at that point….

Not ONCE did I stumble on any material that suggested that it was phallic!
I’m shattered!!..... I don’t know whether to roll round laughing or burst into tears now! lol

@filmfann- you have now officially ruined my night! :’’-( lol

@Courtybean LMAO! I never thought of it as a phallic symbol, not to worry. Although, now I am ruined for life every time I look at it thanks to @filmfann .

Hahahaha! Well think of how I feel @JLeslie! I’ve got it permanently inked into my skin…. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to look at my tattoo again without thinking ”
“Great- I’ve got a **** on my hip! WHHHHHY?!?!”

<——- Cannot respond because he is crippled with laughter

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well @filmfann, I’m so glad that my **** tattoo is such a source of amusement now to so many, particulary YOU!! runs off to cry lol

Back to OP…

@Brenna_o Sorry to hear you’re having such a rough go of it!

I agree with @jmah‘s original post, and with @JLeslie . See if your mom would like to spend some time, maybe lunch, or maybe shopping. Maybe the two of you can shop for a small gift for your aunt, and then go see her together.

As for your other issues: I know friendships mean a lot to anyone of any age. But as I tell my own daughter, if someone is really your friend, that person would consider your feelings as well as your own. Look at the fourth graders you tutor (kudos for that!). They have different friends from day to day. My 4th grader often tells me that so-and so is not her friend anymore, and that lasts for maybe week. If there is one thing I’ve learned over my lifetime it’s that friends may come and go, but a true friend will still love you, not in spite of, but because of your differences.

Hugs to you!

@Courtybean: Hey, that’s andrew’s cat! He’s adorable!

@asmonet- what’s andrew’s cat?