How do you feel about prejudices aimed at you?

I get a lot of “Eat a fucking sandwich” for being skinny.

I aim to act in such a way as to reverse any negative prejudices. Better to try and build bridges than to get pissed off.

If it does not apply to me personally I say so. If it is a sterotype or prejudice that is unwarranted I explain why it is incorrect to make that assumption. Sometimes it might be statistically true and I explain the background. There are some stereotypes associated with my “group” that people say as derogatory that I turn around as a positive in my mind, and many times tell the other person why it is a good thing. Generally, I do not get offended.

I generally avoid talks about people’s religion except among my very close friends. About 30–40% of people I don’t know, upon learning I’m an atheist, respond with a look saying “Are you evil?” “Are you immoral?”. Just not worth it, so I don’t talk about it.

(except on Fluther of course :-P)

It has very little effect on me; I just shrug it off. But that’s a luxury that comes with not having to deal with it on a constant basis. If prejudice were a constant in my life, dictating my place in society, or even just governing how others interact with me on a regular basis, the cumulative effect would be quite strong, I imagine.

I don’t even give it a second thought. Consider the source.

being Ginger seems to provoke one of the only acceptable prejudices left… it pisses me off!!!

@lynneblundell What is Ginger?

@debzilla Welcome to fluther.

On occasion I use people’s prejudices for my own benefit. As a somewhat “weak”-looking woman who often dresses up, I will let people carry things for me, even though I’m totally capable of doing it myself. I realize that it’s taking advantage of people’s chivalry (which I do appreciate), but if they’re going to assume I’m incapable, who am I to question?

@lynneblundell I’ve always wanted to be a redhead.

@lynneblundell Ewwww you’re a ginger?!?! ewwwwww! Just kidding! I don’t think gingers are gross! usually.

Well luckily the only thing I get hated on for is my religion. And luckily that’s pretty much never in real life (unless I choose to open my dumb mouth), so it’s all online. And I know that people online are douchebags anyway, so I don’t feel like there’s any sincerity behind what they say.

@JLeslie well….technically—and I’ve always thought this… it’s really just light brown actually (and that’s my son says it is when asked…) but orangey-brown, “red”, auburn? or this…or there’s a tiny snippet in my pic! :-D

I have never heard that “nickname” for red heads. What is the negative stereotype associated with redheads? I grew up with a mother who loved redheads and have a husband who does too. I am totally oblivious to this prejudice.

Two things my grandma tought me that have stuck with me my entire life.

A. Who cares about things people say about you that they don’t have the courage to say to your face?

B. If someone doesn’t like you, move on, someone else will.

Does not bother me.
Well, it is sad that they are so ignorant.
Usually they cant get past their anger to have an intelligent conversation.

Their problem, not mine.

@mowens Many times it is said to your face. Do you ignore it, or straighten them out?

@JLeslie I think there is a long history in the UK of superstition surrounding redheads… we were once thought of as witches, uber-intelligent and that might have had something to do with it…and probably stuff to do with politics too between Scotland, Ireland (where there a more redheads) and England…not “belonging” etc…although like anything that’s rare and different..we stand out and therefore an easy target…majority against minority

It makes me mad/hurt/frustrated but I feel that there’s not much I can do about it. The best way I know how to change someone’s mind about their preconceived ideas is to live my life the way I do and let them see the difference.

I’m from the South, didn’t finish college and went to public school. I’m not stupid, lazy or racist.

I’m a woman. I don’t like pink, I love fast cars for their engineering and I go crazy for college basketball.

I’m mentally ill yet you would never know unless I chose to tell you. I don’t drool, look homeless or kidnap small children. (Unless they are my neices and nephew and Chuck E Cheese is on the menu)

I’m Christian yet believe in reincarnation, am pro-choice and don’t care what anyone else’s religious choice is.

I’m fat yet eat healthier than ‘healthy’ people, I work out, I don’t smell and I’m not lazy.

The best weapon to combat prejudice is to live your life the natural way you want to. It will plant a seed to change their minds, and if it doesn’t then their mind wasn’t in a place to be changed anyway.

I feel that those people are just ignorant, and don’t give it much thought.

The two prejudices I experience are about religion and politics. My religious friends doubt the sincerity of my faith because I am liberal, and my political friends doubt the wisdom or basis of my opinions because I am a Christian. I get it from both ends, but if either group takes the time to know me they end up respecting me for being able to look at things balanced, from a diverse perspective.

@Judi liberal Christians make me happy and give me hope.

@JLeslie here you go, a nice PSA on gingers. You’ll get a better idea if you watch the entire episode, but this should get you a bit caught up.

@Sarcasm Thanks. I had no idea.

There is actually a dating website for redheads, because the guy who created it doesn’t want the recessive trait to dissappear. I saw him on some show once.

When I moved to Michigan for college I was fascinated by how many redheads there were at my school.

@mowens I let it be. Straightening them out never works. Plus, I have found that people do it just to get a reaction out of you. if you don’t react, or sometimes even go along with it, you will have a lot less stress. People make fun of me all the time, I just deflect it by making fun of myself for the same reason. Sometimes I come up with really good jokes and I even find it funny. After a while, (you have to be patient) it dies down when they lose the fun. You have to slowly, skillfully, destroy the joke. It is very strategic.

@JLeslie ; My daughter is doing her part to keep that trait from disappearing! She married another red head and is about ready to deliver her third red headed baby!!
The only prejudice I ever heard her experience was when a professor actually had the nerve to ask her if the rug matched the drapes. She was sickened.

@Judi A professor asked that? That’s….wow. Incredibly inappropriate.

It is hurtful to hear, each and every time I hear these types of comments. Sometimes I shrug it off and move on, other times I will say something if I feel it is worth saying for the benefit of others who may be listening. It really depends on the situation.

You can’t change people’s minds who make these kinds of comments, but you can educate others who are interested in hearing another opinion. Sometimes people expect you to stick up for your race, religion, gender, etc.

@Sarcasm ; and it was at a CHRISTIAN SCHOOL!

Did I just do an @myself? I think I did. Wow I’m an idiot.

There have been a lot of great input, thank you for sharing!

I’m half Korean and I work as a cashier/waitress at a small teriyaki restaurant. I see a lot of prejudices and I’m confronted with them daily. A guy even had the nerve to ask me if I would say, “Flied Lice” for him. I narrowed my eyes at him and said, “No. I will not” as calmly as I could, but all I felt was rage. His friend apologized for his actions.

My Mother gets it a lot as well and it hurts me, because she is ignorant to it while they continue to belittle her in many ways. People talk louder, in her face, as soon as they hear her accent. They giggle as she mispronounces some words, especially young kids.

@debzilla ; The little kids giggling could be an opportunity for education. Theirs is probably not a prejudice, but a curiosity. They have just been struggling to learn language, and to see an adult having the same struggles shocks them. Getting angry when they are curious could just foster more prejudice. If she takes time to talk to them and tell them about the different and wonderful land she comes from then it will end up being a fascination and a quest rather than a prejudice.
The adults, on the other hand are shameful and should know better.

@Siren I disagree. Sometimes people say hurtful or prejudiced things and they have no idea what they said was wrong. We cannot assume a person cannot change or be enlightened. We need to speak up and educate.

@Judi : It’s not so much ‘little’ kids as it is mostly teenagers. The teenagers that bask in the humor of people being alien to them.

@JLeslie ; Lurve you!
@debzilla ; that just sucks then. The SHOULD know better.

Teenagers can really suck. They do know better many times, but want to be cool in front of their friends.

I agree with @Judi adults should know better. But, many adults seem unable to put themselves in the other person’s shoes. They don’t stop to think, “what if I had to move to Korea and learn a new language that was difficult for me to pronounce, how would I want to be treated?” A complete failure of the golden rule, I see that too much in our society on a multitude of subjects.

I deal with a lot of prejudices on a daily basis. Too many to list. My own kids can “pass” as white and don’t correct people when the assumption is made. sadly, I have a piece of me that says “good, they can pass” and sometimes feel ashamed of my heritage.

@prude : It’s awful to hear that prejudice is a daily struggle for you as well. Your heritage is beautiful, regardless of what it might be, and so are you.

I don’t think it will ever stop, but we can continue to educate and befriend as many different people as possible. Push aside generalities and see the world as it is: a mixeture of people living together; educate our children on the vast differences with people and the beauty they offer to the world. Sigh.

@prude I think they should correct people, unless it will cause them harm. My brother-in-law hides that he is Mexican because he feels he will be judged, pre-judged. His brother, my husband, tells people with no problem that he is Mexican. This is how people learn that you cannot make assumptions about people. Not sure what minority group you identify with, you said your children pass as white. I would assume that means they are privy to what people say behind others backs.

Bigots deserve to be beaten like a red headed stepchild.

It’s so different in my limited world! I haven’t come up around hardly any prejudice. And I guess anyway it would be prejudice against people I work with more. the places I’ve worked in included many races. Maybe Canadians are peaceful!!

Man, no gays in the thread on prejudice yet! :)

I have been confronted with a bit of homophobia, but only when I’m dating someone. I don’t “look” gay, so people assume I’m straight unless they see me walking down the street holding hands with another woman. I’ve gotten dirty looks and been handed flyers about Jesus on the street, people have ushered their kids away from me and a girlfriend holding hands in the supermarket… but I’ve never been verbally or physically harassed, so I count myself very lucky. When it does happen, I feel sad. Not angry, just… sad. If it’s a stranger I don’t say anything, and I try to ignore it. No one that I actually know has ever said anything homophobic to me. I think if they did it would be even more crushing, and I would try to speak up, but might not even know where to start. I’m not good at that kind of thing.

@JLeslie: Good point. But the reality is it’s tough to go on the defense and/or inform everyone each time these things happen. It’s not the most realistic approach for all occasions.

@debzilla thank you.
@JLeslie they are aware, they do know what goes on and what is said. They see the news, here stories from classmates, and at times have even gotten into fights because their “friends” found out that they were not “white” after meeting me (their mother).
Right now it is still ok to kill us or if found dead ok to list it as a suicide or not a priority. This is common up here.

Statistically, I am likely going to die at the hands of a man who loves me (Father, Husband, Son) and my killer won’t have much happen if anything at all.

I feel it is safer for them to be able to “pass”.

Predudice I think is in part learned behaviour and part evolutional ginetic programming. I think is a natural response and origional started as a defence mechanism. For instance if you were physicaly or emotionaly harmed by an individual, your brain would automaticaly catalogue facial expressions, body posture, clothing colour, manorisms etc. This back catalogue of memories could then be used in future encounters to judge wether or not it would be safe to commune with new individuals. This knowledge could also be passed on to younger individuals in your own group/family/tribe to make it more efficiant and prosperous in a resouce scarce environment.

Lets say a woman is walking home at night, she is raped by a man who is wearing dark cloths and a hooded top. After recovering from her ordeal she is mentally scared and afraid to go out. Now every time she goes out as a defence mechanism for self presavation she will be automaticaly predudice against people expressing the same manorisms, wearing the same sorts of cloths and hanging around the same darkened alleys of which she was attacked. She will undoubtedly then try to enforce that predudice on her children in the hope they will never have to suffer the same fate.

Now the child goes out one night and hangs around those darkened alleys, and the Mother finds out, she says she doesn’t want her daughter hanging around with those sorts of boys because there upto no good.

The child goes to school the next day, and a boy is wearing a hooded top and makes fun of the girl, she retaliates with a ‘anyway my mum says hoodies are only worn by thugs’, this escalates over the next few days and other parents become aware of the situation and also reinforce the childs predudice because the media has perpetuated the same image.

And there you have it, an age old defence mechanism is recycled and rebranded once again to be used as a method of attack instead of the wisedom to recognise and avoid a potentialy harmful but most probably a benign encounter.

Unfortunately in todays communities the vast majority of predudice is indeed used to attack and for the most part is born out of ignorance of something that is not understood or has not been researched.

So in my humble opinion:

THERE ARE NO RIGHT OR WRONG OPINIONS, THERE ARE ONLY OPINIONS.
ACTIONS BASED ON THOSE OPINIONS HOWEVER, CAN BE RIGHT OR WRONG.

ONLY FOOLS FORM THEIR OPINIONS FROM IGNORANCE.

OPINIONS SHOULD ONLY BE OFFERED ONCE ASKED FOR.

And:

AN OPINION SHOULD NEVER EVER BE FORCED UPON ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL.

(unless of course its the opinion that marmite is rancid!)

@prude Where do you live? I agree with wanting to just let your children pass for white. I have a black girlfriend who had an uncle (back in the day) who lived as a white doctor his entire adulthood. I am assuming you are Muslim from what you described, not sure what race, I hate to asusme though.

@Pazza Your example is good about the thugs in dark clothing and a hooded top. Here is the thing, there is a reality to being judged on appearance and what you wear. When I worked at Bloomingdale’s if I saw a person in the store with big baggy clothing on, that kind of urban/ghetto look, I was calling security. I didn’t care what race you were, or how old you were, all I know is you had room to shove clothing in your pants and under your jacket, and we caught peole doing it. Sure, plenty of the people dressed like that did not steal, but you might as well know if you walk in dressed like that you will be watched. I am not saying if it is right or wrong. When my aunt was attacked it was a middle aged average looking clean cut white guy in a jogging suit. You can’t really judge a book by its cover, but people do. So why dress like the thug? Why not just dress like a nice guy?

The only opinions I have any control over are mine. Everybody else is free to think about me however they wish because it is also up to me whether or not I give a fuck.

I have been the target of prejudice several times. It used to bother me a lot, because I took it personally, but I have since learned that it only those who are ignorant and have low self esteem will hold beliefs based on stereotypes.

I hunt down the people who are prejudiced against me, and I shoot them, skin them, gut them, roast em slowly over a low smoky fire and sell their jerked flesh to their relatives as beef jerky.

Soylent Green jerky is people!!

Some are worth debunking. Like people of faith can’t know more about science than atheists.

@mattbrowne GA I know plenty of atheists that aren’t as smart as believers, and it’s good of you to point that out. Atheism is a default belief, but it doesn’t automatically make you as intelligent as Einstein.

Psh, whatever @Psychedelic_Zebra, are you saying that my atheism isn’t the leading cause for me having aced every exam so far this semester? You’re crazy, like Einstein.

@mowens: That was priceless! :) You made me laugh. Thanks.

Did I just do an @myself? I think I did. Wow I’m an idiot.

Heh, the only reason I noticed it was because someone gave me lurve on it… and I was confused why I got lurve when someone was talking to me. :)

@mowens: Maybe your comment was noteworthy to someone, not the fact that you addressed it to yourself.

So if I would’ve kept my mouth shut no one would have noticed I’m dumb. :)

ha ha

@JLeslie no, I am not Muslim.
I am here in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Native American, Native Alaskan. Many don’t realize what it is like to be an Eskimo in Alaska. Unless you are one, you can’t really say that the things I mentioned are not true. I have experienced/witnessed these things first hand. This happens in our great country. and as for the statistics of me dying at the hands of a male loved one, that is not due to religion but what is considered acceptable.
It isn’t just women, but all. It just is MORE acceptable that women die or are killed w/o much consequences to the killer.
2 yrs ago my uncle was found dead at Beluga Point.
My uncle was homeless and lived in Anchorage. Beluga Point is not somewhere the homeless go, you pretty much need a vehicle to get there. He made the news and it was determined by the police that no foul play was at hand. He was just drunk and wandered out to Beluga Point and died. I can tell you that anyone w/half a brain knows that is not what happened. knows that something like that just couldn’t have happened.

I could go on and on about what happens to us from the very little actions that people take towards me standing in line at the grocery store to bigger things like a random assault that has been taken on me, my experiences. but then it is just a rant and people tend to drown those out to end up meaning nothing.

so this happens, so what.

@prude I had no idea that was going on, but I 100% believe you, why wouldn’t I? Alaska is so far removed from the rest of the country that I would assume it is like it’s own country in many ways. I am not very familiar with Eskimo culture and customs I have to admit. Even down here in the lower 48 we have crazy s&#t happen that you would think should be impossible in the US. Nothing surprises me. Do you have any desire to move? Or, for your children to move to a different state?

@prude : I spent some time at Beluga Point, and I know what you mean. I can’t see someone walking there!

When I went to Anchorage I noticed a lot of prejudices towards the Natives. I was younger, staying with a friend at the AF base, and I didn’t know what to think of it. They were pushing them away, rather than embracing the history of the state and it’s inhabitants. (They being the people I encountered on base that were telling me about Anchorage.) I heard a lot of negative things which I couldn’t understand. Looking back on my experience now, I wish I had the knowledge and compassion that I have now, so I could have at least made a difference and spoken up to that group.

@debzilla thank you for understanding and reflecting. I appreciate it, truly. there are many who live here (not native) who tend to down play it, saying that there is no racism up here, that this is something a few disgruntled natives complain about. lately there has been an uproar about how natives are treated, women specifically. But that is only because all the different types of natives decided to do something as a whole and hit the state where it hurts, the pocket. The AFN (alaska federation of natives) actually boycotted anchorage because of our Tx here. once the local businesses realized that we are worth more than local can support, they slowly changed their tune about us. Not completely, but it is a work in progress.

@JLeslie there are many who don’t believe and tend to down play it, not just “white” people, others of different races as well. We were going to move, but from what I gathered w/others I met online, I might not be so welcome in other places either. I mean not from those I spoke to themselves, but others I have come in “light” or indirect contact with.
and
my culture is not what makes the murder of women ok, it is the current culture where modern clashes w/traditional.
modern(white) culture says it’s ok.
modern(white) culture makes our laws and decides what gets enforced.
Please,keep in mind I am not trying to bash white people, I am simply stating what I have been taught and what I see and experience around me.

Murder women okay??!! wtf

@prude Things vary so much from city to city when it comes to prejudice. I have found that as a general rule you will meat the least amount of prejudice in places that have few people like you, because they won’t have any stereotypes formulated or have had any bad interactions with Eskimos or Native Americans. I think the ideal is a place that is very diverse, but actually very “white” seems to work also. Like how all white Iowa was completely excepting of Obama for President. The most racist places I have lived had a large percentage of their population that was one minority, like in the south where there is a large black population, and then of course mostly white people, with little else mixed in. Or my husband when he lived in Texas, where it is very white and Mexican (he is Mexican).

I know how naïve this sounds, but why does anybody have anything to look down on anybody for? Race? Religion? Nationality? Color? Economic status? I.Q.? Nationality? Social status? I don’t get it.

@Austinlad Where I live many look down on the people they feel are a tax burden.

I don’t let it effect me, whether it is my bisexuality my bipolar, or whatever. If you pay my rent I would worry. (You as in anyone throwing a prejudice)