Should I tell the men that I've just started dating, that I'm dating other people as well?

yes cause he probably is too.

Tell them. The ones that don’t take issue with the fact that you’re window shopping for boyfriends are keepers.

It’d be nice to be upfront.

This is an excellent question… and one that I pondered when I was trying online dating a few years back. I simply assumed that the guys I interacted with online were interacting with other women, and I thought they were smart enough to do the same.

I would say that I have other plans and if pressed I might admit to having a date with someone else—because if a guy pressured me to give details before we’ve even met, that’s already a deal-breaker!

Nah, just ride it out until it explodes in your face.

I assume people would date as many as they want until they promise not to date anyone else at all. But there is a middle ground that you haven’t suggested.

1. I would just say “I have plans.”

2. If he presses, you needn’t lie, you can tell the truth. Lying is a bad way to start any kind of relationship, even just a dating one.

I would mention it, just throw in that you’ve just begun and would love to get to know them better but at this stage you’re testing the waters. It’s no reflection on them – unless you make it that way. I honestly don’t think it even needs mention, I assume as others have that it’s sort of a given.

If pressed, you can always just state you’re busy again. You have no obligation to satisfy their curiosity you know.

Definitely don’t lie, if asked. You’re dating, you’re trying to find the right one. If any guy got mad about that, then they aren’t the right one anyway.

I agree with @laureth and @DrasticDreamer . You don’t have to volunteer what your “other plans” are right off the bat; it’s okay to just say something like “I’m not available that night.” But if directly asked, it’s much better not to lie.

No, wait until everyone is hurt.

Yes, you really should tell that you are seeing other people.
“So, are you dating other people online?”
“Well, yes, I’ve met a few people. At the moment, I’m just enjoying dating and going out and meeting new people. I’m keeping things light.”

First of all, it is truthful. But mostly it is also a way to keep your options open if someone is just not your cup of tea.

“Hi, Norah, are you busy Saturday, I thought we could go out?”
“Oh, Peewee, I’m busy on Saturday night.”
“Another date?”
“I’m going out to dinner (which is true). What about next week (or whenever)?”

If you are NOT interested…..then say you aren’t interested.

“Peewee, you are a lovely man, but I don’t foresee a romantic relationship developing between us. I just didn’t get that sense when we met. I do think you are a great guy and know there is someone out there for you.”

Or when you DO find someone…..

“Peewee, you are a really nice guy, but I met a person that I would like to spend some more time with…..to see if something develops. I know you will understand and I wish you good luck in your search for someone special.”

Be honest. That always works.

So many people you meet online fall by the wayside naturally. If you’re dating multiple people, I wouldn’t feel any pressure to tell unless you’re sleeping with them. If you’re just going out, and nothing’s committed, then you’re under no obligation to disclose the information unless asked directly.

You should because perhaps you two just werent meant for each othe so just slowly edge into telling him that maybe you guys should kinda split up. but this is just what i think so you realy dont have to listen to me. srry if i wasnt any help and GOOD LUCK!!!!

That was one of the big draws in my soul mate. Initially, I told her straight out that I am talking to three other women. She was like “okay”. She was very confident I guess. Or perhaps she appreciated the honesty. Perhaps Madsmom1030 will show up and explain exactly why she was such a good sport.

I put her through the online dating ringer and she was unfased. I tell you it got my attention that she wasn’t jealous or upset that I was talking to other ladies. I guess I have experienced too many jealous issue-ridden freaks in my life.

Online dating? Is that like exclusively emailing and chatting and IMing with someone?

And what the hell is “going out to dinner” when you do it online?

This all sounds rather puerile to me. Am I missing something?

@daloon: People post profiles on the singles sites that others can browse through. When someone catches your interest, you can contact them through the site. Once you feel comfortable with them, you might share your IM, email, and eventually a phone number. Sometimes those go well enough that you will set up a date to meet in person. However, sometimes they turn out to be other than they presented themselves, or maybe there just isn’t “chemistry”, so there might not be a second date.

My practice was that if we got past the second date, I would make my profile invisible and stop communicating with other guys. But you don’t know what someone else’s policy is… and I learned that one the hard way.

Online dating: (my definition) setting up specific time to ‘meet’ in chat, or on the phone for the purpose of getting to know ech other. If a lady was intriguing to me I would start ‘meeting’ that person for an hour on the phone (I was in Iraq). It was the ultimate was to date safely without physical attraction getting in the way.

I was doing the online dating thing with a few ladies at the same time, meaning I was talking/chatting/emailing correspondence with them. I am glad I did it, because there was one lady in particular whom I was sure would have tried to rape me if I had been on a real date!

@ noraasnave- here i am sweetie. In the beginning it just didn’t bother me that you were talking to other ladies. we had just met and were still getting to know one another. Also I very much appreciated your honesty and openness about it. I just got the sense that you were a real person not a made-up person that really only existed online. I understood looking around and trying to find someone for a serious relationship. There are so many people on there that say that is what they are looking for but it isn’t. i knew fairly quickly that if anything i had made a good friend that I really enjoyed talking to. I just didn’t feel threatened- i knew that I had alot to offer the right person and that when it was time God would bring that person into my life.

When did it become the custom to date only one person at a time, ever? To me, that’s not dating, that’s a commitment-level relationship.

@laureth I agree with you. I also don’t consider anything that happens online through email to be dating.That’s just talking. For that matter, chat, IM and phone calls might just be talking. It all depends on the subject matter involved. If you get to talking about more intimate things and it is clear you both have strong feelings for each other, then I think it might be considered “dating” and if you both decide you want exclusivity, at least as far as intimate discussions are concerned, it would move into the “going steady” area, at which point, it would be reasonable to feel hurt if you found out the other person was pursuing other people online.

I still am not sure that online experiences count as real until you’ve actually met in the real world. Up until then, no matter how powerful the experience, it is still only something that is created in your head. Those kinds of fantasies can be incredibly powerful, but I think you have to reserve judgment about them until you actually meet in reality. The other person, despite what you see in pictures, might not feel the way you imagined, or smell the way you imagined, or act the way you imagined. There is only so much we can convey in words.

I suspect that online information is a good proxy for real information. I know of several people recently who shared with me their stories of going to meet someone for the first time. They all had happy endings. But I have to wonder. They can’t all have happy endings, can they? Still, I have never heard a story with an unhappy ending.

I think if it’s a very serious trip, involving an expensive plane ride of several hours, that people probably take a lot more time making sure the other person is who they present themselves as. If it’s no big deal—like the person is in the same town—then it’s easy to meet, and it can be done much more quickly. That’s when I suspect more mistakes can be made.

I still have trouble using the word “dating” to describe online relationships. Dates, to me, mean doing things in the real world. You share an activity so you can see each other in various situations, and get a sense of each other.

Online, what can you do? If you are both into gaming, you can do that. You might interact in Second Life (I understand there is a space for random sexual encounters there). You could participate in social networking communities like fluther or Facebook.

Personally, I find the latter to be a good way to get information about people. You get to know their views and activities long before you might ever take things to a more personal level. You can watch someone you may be interested in—even follow them. You can engage them in public dialogue or flirt, for that matter. You can learn their sense of humor; how they spend their time; their religion, political party and education.

But it’s still not the real world. Maybe it’s a close approximation, but there is so much more. I think we underestimate the importance of much of real world information because we do not consciously know we are perceiving it.

I don’t know what I think about the implications of online relationships. If you are involved in an intense one, does that preclude a real world relationship?

I have “ended unhappily” stories about online relationships (that moved to real-world relationships), but this is probably not the place.

For what it’s worth, I did have a mostly-online Long Distance relationship with someone that I saw very little in real life. For “dates,” we’d both watch the same MST3K episode in our separate homes, and then get on IRC to talk about it. (I’m really dating myself here.) It was all we had at the time, but it did feel sort of date-like.