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MulledOver's avatar

Is my friend spending too much time on her boyfriend, or is it just me?

Asked by MulledOver (9points) November 26th, 2009

So my friend and her boyfriend have been together for 8 months. But yesterday I realized that something I didn’t like was going on. Yesterday was supposed to be “girls day” where me and my girlfriends hangout together and its been a long time since we did it because we have exams coming up. My friend and her BF get to see eachother and talk to eachother everyday. She texts him during class time, talks to him on the phone surring lunch time, and meets him after school. And at yesterdays “girls day” We played games and hung around at the beach being like the goofy people we are. And she missed almost everything because she was just either sitting or standing there talking or texting to her boyfriend. She missed games and didn’t laugh at jokes just because she missed them because she was talking to her boyfriend. And when she stopped talking to him, she got all grumpy and stuff. Is love supposed to be spending every second with your boyfriend? Even when you’re out with your girlfrieds? Or is it just that she’s spending TOO much time on him?

i have my own boyfriend and he was kind enough to let me have girl time and we agree that we still have our own lives. Me having fun is just as important to him. I’m worried about my friend.

She’s had a lot of boyfriends before BUT it seems like she’s really into this one. I’ve never seen her like this before. She said that she’d never want to marry someone and just have boyfriends for fun but now it seems that shes infatuated with this guy and takes every chance to be with him and she’s only 16

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13 Answers

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

Maybe you should talk to her about this. Let her know that she may not see it because she’s so wrapped up in him right now, but you see it. Explain things from your point of view but be gentle. If you come on too strong, she may feel attacked and pull away from you completely.

holden's avatar

Maybe you should just let her do what she wants and not worry about her relationships.

candylady's avatar

The relationship is a tad too intense. At your age you should be worrying about getting good grades and getting into college. It is far too easy at 16 to fall into an intense relationship like hers. Then it becomes physical and then you become pregnant. Even your qualifier that your boyfriend “let you” have girls night is worrisome. A healthy relationship is one where you both still get to go out with friends. Trust me it took me over twenty five years of marriage to stand up and say I need to go out with friends. Clingy and possessiveness are two sides of the same coin. He will love her for it now, but down the road he will claim she is a ball and chain. Speak to her as kindly as you can. She needs some me and a little less we

MulledOver's avatar

@candylady thanks for the advice ^^ I’m not the kind to fall too deep and get pregnant though =P But I’m worried that my friend is like that. I AM focusing on my grades and so far im getting straight A’s but its my friend that im worried about cause she just fails everytime and dont bother.

candylady's avatar

Honey, was speaking from experience and the relationship eventually became abusive and then it ended. It was four wasted years of my life. In this day and age, women have to learn to be able to stand on their own and not depend on a man for anything. Education is the key. The girl has some self esteem issues I would imagine. Good luck

arnbev959's avatar

Yes, she is spending too much time on her boyfriend. But it really isn’t any of your business to make that determination—it is up to her what she does with her time. If you are concerned, talk to her.

faye's avatar

Did you say your boyfriend was KIND enough to LET you have girltime?? Seems like you should worry about you!

MulledOver's avatar

@faye I meant kind enough than my friends boyfriend, who probably didn’t even care that she missed out on everything. Perhaps I worded that phrase wrong. Me and my boyfriend understand that we need eachother but we still have individuality, like how he has guys game night or how i have girls out day.

Janka's avatar

It sounds like she might be too attached to the boyfriend, but as others have said, it is not your business. You can talk to her, but she must decide for herself in the end. Main question would be, to me, whether the girl spends so much time with the boy because she wants to, or out of anxiousness that the boy will be upset or hurt if she won’t. (I do not mean whether he would necessarily abuse her or pressure her – I mean whether the motivation for her is herself feeling better, or him feeling less bad.)

Mind you, this friend apparently thinks you and the other girls important enough that she came even when she preferred the boyfriend. Even if she did not follow all the way through with the gesture, I think you should take that as a huge compliment.

And just like others have said, the wording that your boyfriend “is kind to let you” have the girl’s night is maybe something you should worry more than about your friends’ relationship.

MulledOver's avatar

@Janka perhaps again i didn’t provide enough information. It was actually a school outing and it was REQUIRED to go, i only called it a girls night because it was the first time in a long time we girls hung out together. and again, i worded the phrase “kind to let you” wrong, see the post above you.

laureth's avatar

This is like the opposite of this question in some ways. People are just going to go where their heart leads them sometimes.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

Do you mean too much time with him, or too much time on top of him? If it’s the latter I would leave her be, as the exercise is healthy and I’m sure he’s not complaining too much.

novemberrain's avatar

I know EXACTLY how you feel, I have a friend, a “best” friend even. We spent sooo much time together, not only us but our whole friends group (occasionally she will come to group gatherings, but she either brings her boyfriend along or is spent texting him the whole time so i know how you feel), laughing, having fun, having girl time.. All that usual stuff but ever since she got a boyfriend, boy things have changed.. Dramatically. They have been together about 5 months now and madly in love.. For those 5 months they have literally spent EVERYSINGLE DAY TOGETHER.. No joke and if she can’t be with him for one moment because lets say, HE is actually spending time with his friends for a few hours she is so moody and shitty and gets depressed, i can no longer cheer her up. her whole life revolves around him it’s too the point where she doesn’t know how to live without him and that scares me. I have no longer made any effort to hang out with her even talk to her, not if she isn’t making any effort, so she can come running to me. I have simply given up it is very selfish of her to give alll her time to one person, we all miss her but sometimes there is nothing you can do or say to change a person, especially when love is involved.

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