General Question

atr408's avatar

Should I stay with my girlfriend?

Asked by atr408 (357points) February 18th, 2008

I’ve been with the same girl for three years and two years now and we’ve just takin our first “brake” last week. This past Saturday I went to a party and met this new girl and it was obvious that we had a strong connection. My current girl and I have absoutely nothing in common but we still get along great and I love being with her but this new girl I met have many things in common and she’s realy easy to get along with and talk to. Should I stay with my girlfriend or should I get with the other girl?

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15 Answers

atr408's avatar

sorry for the confusion, it is saposed to say 3 years and 2 months.

Spargett's avatar

Sounds like you don’t like your current girlfriend, and really like the new girl you just met. Without knowing anything else, it seems like a simple decision to me. In any case, I’d see what happens in the next 2 to 4 weeks. Don’t rush in or out of anything.

And btw, its “break” instead of “brake” and “supposed” instead of “saposed”.

jz1220's avatar

Being a girl, I couldn’t think of a good answer until I saw another question you asked a month ago about possibly getting married to your girlfriend. It seems like a big jump from talking about marriage to breaking up and starting a new relationship. If you decide to do the latter, please do it slowly to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.

chaosrob's avatar

It’s totally unrealistic to assume that ending a 3+ year relationship with a woman you once considered marrying is going to occur without “hurting someone’s feelings.” Accept that such a huge transition is going to be disruptive and painful. You need to decide whether or not you want to stay
committed and then be honest enough to simply talk with your girlfriend about your feelings. My guess is that since you’re feeling open to showing interest in another woman, you’re basically finished with the previous relationship, but you haven’t worked up the nerve to let your girlfriend know. Stringing her along in a relationship you’ve checked out of is dishonest and cruel. Stop screwing around and break it off.

Poser's avatar

First, try to take the emotion out of your decision. Forget about how either girl makes you “feel,” and determine the pros and cons for each girl. Sit down, without thinking of either girl, and figure out what you want out of a girl. How important are things like attractiveness, personality, career (hers, yours and the compatibility of the two), children (present, if any, and future desires), and religion (or lack thereof)? Making a list will be helpful.

Once you’ve decided on what “kind” of girl you see for yourself, compare the two. Who fits the bill the best? You might find that neither girl is really for you.

It’s always been my experience that important decisions made based on feelings (no matter how strong) are usually not ideal.

eadinad's avatar

So you met a girl three days ago and now you’re considering leaving your girlfriend of three years for her?

I think you should leave your girlfriend, not because of this new girl who you apparently have so much in common with after three days, but because you obviously don’t value your relationship with your girlfriend very much. Also, you sound like you’re really young, and that coupled with the fact that a month ago you were considering marrying this girl makes me thing you don’t know what you want.

I would also advise waiting a while before just jumping into a new relationship. I would think that after three years with a person you would need some time to heal, contemplate, and move on. Bouncing from lover to lover won’t help you find yourself, or figure out what it is you value and need. Time to yourself will.

Zaku's avatar

Great point about how this shows atr408 isn’t committed to his 3-year girlfriend, eadinad (and other great points by others).

Also good point about breaking up responsibly. What is the context and agreement of the “brake” (sic)? There are many good reasons to get complete with her before getting involved with someone else.

atr408's avatar

ok I know I seem imature for talking about merrage a month ago and now talking about breaking up completely. The truth is that we realy were serious about the marrage thing and then all of the sudden about a week and a half ago my lady wanted to take a break. Up until that point I was 100% commited to our relationship. But after it was her idea to take a break, my feelings for her changed. I’m confused because I don’t know why all of the sudden she wants to take a brake. I’m the kind of person who thinks “breaks” are stupid. I think taking a “break” is just a easy way to break up with someone.

Trance24's avatar

You will most likely regret it the moment you leave her. Think about it you have stayed with her this long, she is obviously doing something right. And it would be ridiculous for you to leave a good thing. Because though this other girl has more in common that isnt always the best thing. You want diversity in your relationship, or else it just seems so plain theres never anything new.

Zaku's avatar

What are the terms of your “break” agreement?

atr408's avatar

there isn’t realy any terms. she just wanted that she wanted to have a break. When she told me this I got a lil mad because she knows I don’t like breaks and she knows that I think theyre just a easy way of breaking up. So to me its like we already broke up. When I said I met this new girl and asked if I should get with her I didnt mean be boyfriend and girlfriend. I meant just go out on dates with her and I guess get closer with her

Poser's avatar

In my experience, when someone says they want a “break,” it’s usually because they are interested in seeing someone else. I think you ought to be straight up with your girlfriend and tell her you are dating other people. She’ll probably be mad, but if she’s honest, you can ask her if she isn’t doing the same (well, you can ask even if she isn’t honest, but her answer won’t mean much).

This will serve not only to alleviate your conscience, but also to let her know that she faces the potential of losing you unless she decides what she wants.

chaosrob's avatar

Committed relationships don’t have “breaks.” She’s done with it, and it sounds like you are, too. Move on and prepare for your new life as a single person. Don’t rush into another relationship. Try a little low-stakes casual dating for a while. “Serial monogamy” isn’t good for you.

mrswho's avatar

Don’t dump someone you love for someone you like.

jayconn6's avatar

Get a pen a paper and write down the likes and dislikes of both woman. Then give both of them a test to see the level of friendship u r at wit both. Analyze all the info and then take it to the Lord

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