Social Question

Ranimi23's avatar

Must sexual attraction occur immediately or can it develop over time?

Asked by Ranimi23 (1914points) November 29th, 2009

What do you think about this issue? Yesterday we were meeting friends and somehow the question came up. The majority claimed that it must be immediately or will never come. I’m among the few who believed that it could come with time and the more we know who is in front of us and his inner soul, then the crush may come and we fall in love with that person.

Do you believe it or think like the majority?

I found out that I may like a lot of different kinds of women with completely different appearance. There are women that it happens immediately when I look at them but others it can take several weeks and months, but it can happen.

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25 Answers

sliceswiththings's avatar

I think it can over time. People change, so attractions change and physical appearance changes. For me, someone can become way sexier with certain personality traits. Once I know they exist, a sexual attraction could appear that didn’t before.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I think sometimes it can happen one way and sometimes the other. I’ve had both happen to me. Some men I’ve had an immediate visceral reaction to, and some I knew for a while and one day it dawned on me that I found them attractive that way.

Aethelwine's avatar

I think it can come over time as well. Certain characteristics can grow on you and you may notice things about that person that you didn’t notice at first.

I also believe that some people lose that attraction once you really get to know a person. I’ve known many people that I was attracted to at first, but once I got to know them I lost any attraction that was initially there.

Fernspider's avatar

Same goes for finding someone instantly attractive… getting to know them and then actually finding them repulsive.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I think it can happen both ways, too. Usually, it’s more meaningful if it comes after getting to know them. There are plenty of people with sex appeal that would be impossible to be in a relationship with.

Haffi112's avatar

I think it comes over time for me. Sometimes I’m not attracted until I see their personality and that they mean well with what they do.

It can also be a turn off when you like someone at first and realize they’re an asshole.

loser's avatar

I think it happens both ways.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Both ways but it sure is exciting to have it right off the bat for someone and then build from there.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Everything is possible – sometimes the surprising sexual attraction after years of being friends or colleagues is the most exciting kind…

laureth's avatar

Personally, I think it’s a gender-based difference. Please understand that I’m about to speak in very broad generalities, and as such, individuals may vary.

To ensure maximum reproduction, men are “programmed” to be ready to mate at the drop of a hat (with as many women as possible, since their reproductive cost is relatively low). Because of this, they are often primarily stimulated by the visual. If a new possible mate enters the area, they have to be ready immediately, or risk that some other man will inseminate her. I think that for a man, sexual attraction is often fairly immediate, as they have to make that spot-decision.

On the other hand, if a woman mated willy-nilly (heh!) with just any man she came into contact with (as would be a man’s strategy), it would serve her poorly. A woman has a greater personal cost involved with reproduction, as it’s her body being taken over for nine months (and care for long after); she might even die in childbirth. It befits her to be far more conservative and choose the best possible mate out of the selection of willing men sure to present themselves as suitors. You can’t always make this decision lightly, quickly, or based on looks alone – it takes a woman a little longer to warm up, I think. As such, she might not be immediately attracted to a mate, but it can grow over time as his fitness as a potential father is measured and evaluated. It’s not always based on looks, although appearance helps a lot.

To review:

MEN—> Can get off merely at the image of a woman in a Vicky’s Secret catalog.
WOMEN—> Usually require a couple dates, a personality, emotional attachment, and possibly status and resources to be attracted to a guy.

Again, not true in all circumstances, as there are sensitive men and slutty women out there.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@laureth yes because sensitive men and slutty women are the only exceptions to your generalizations?

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

There are no set rules.

JLeslie's avatar

Sure it can develop over time. As you grow to love and respect someone you might find them more and more sexually attractive even if you initially were not.

laureth's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – We could bring up exceptions all day long, or we could accept it as enough for me to admit it’s a gross generalization.

Garebo's avatar

Attraction definitely can happen any time; it’s all a matter of striking the right chord at the right time, or any time, that resonates with that person. Personally, I have been close to people in a purely scholarly or platonic way; then, all of a sudden there is a 180 degree change and it feels like you have a tracking device on you. It happens a lot more than you might think.

wundayatta's avatar

There is nothing sexier than a smart woman whose body is hotter than a scotch bonnet. That’s too easy to even think about. Falling in love with a woman whose mind engages yours as the earth engages the moon can come to generate a volcano from the most quiescent prairie.

laureth's avatar

Imagery lurve, @daloon.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@daloon: watch out… ssssssss… someone’s making good words!

wundayatta's avatar

Aww come on. I’m just havin’ a little fun.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@daloon: we are all the better when you cut loose a little and share your fun

wundayatta's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence Sublimation, my friend. Sublimation.

I’m gonna go sit on a cliff overlooking crashing waves. Anyone wanna come with?

cornbird's avatar

It can develop over time as well as immediately. Also sexual attraction doesnt always depend on the physical features of the person. It can also depend on the amount of wealth or status that the person has. For example most girls would run down guys if they have a steady job, lots of money and a hot car.

Just_Justine's avatar

Yes sometimes it is instant and sometimes bam, a so called friend becomes a major chemical attraction.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Can attraction build over time? Ask yourself if you ever seen a fat women in college, or work that had a b/f or goes on dates? Have you ever seen a fat woman pushing a stroller with a toddler in tow? If you have seen any of those, then the answer is ”yes”.

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