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stephen's avatar

I should be who i want to be or just be the one the others want me to be??

Asked by stephen (351points) February 19th, 2008

I m 21 years old and now get a college education. I think this is a very important period,cause any choice i do for my life will affect or change my whole future.
sometime i think my life just like a routine that is the similar with anybody else.
i need to finish my college and then get a job, work ,married,children,retire,death!
but i don’t want to work for money , i don’t want to married with girl because i hate the married life and i hate the complicated and sucked human relations .hate the pressure, the expectations anybody else give to me!
the folk in life just likes puppets, i want my self’s life!
and everything just make me feel confused, i cant get what i want and i cant be who i really want to be. i think my dream are really simple and easy for somebody else,but my parents,my environment of life and the pressure, the expectation somebody else put on me that is not my own expectation, all of these force me to choice my life with their way,their mind!
I should be who i want to be or just be the one the others want me to be??
but if i chose to be who i want to be ,that will make my parents my friends and somebody else disappointed! but i love them.
i just so confused for everything and i want to change it, i want some ,maybe, suggestions that are out of experiences ,i hope life would become not so fucking hard any more.I hate my life ! I hate myself!!

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6 Answers

Perchik's avatar

There comes a point where you realise that you can not make everyone happy, so make yourself happy. If you follow your dream, then your family should be happy for you, whether or not in makes sense in their world. If they are disappointed in you, let them be. You only have to accept yourself, no one else matters. So go your own way, do your own thing, if it makes you happy, then who’s to question it?

If this is a continuing problem for you, you might consider looking for psychiatric help. Sometimes it just takes someone to talk you through things to help.
Good luck!

artemisdivine's avatar

amazing question. life is fantastic in the year 2008 (speaking as someone over a decade older than you i KNOW what life was like before) you have more options than ever. no one can tell you WHAT to do or HOW to do it. although some of us would like to chuck it all and life in the woods, that is rarely possible. if i could do it over i would make SO many different choices.

follow your heart. be the YOU that you want to be. its marketing, religion and government (plus hallmark) that convinces you of the whole….

and then get a job, work ,married,children,retire,death!

people who are TRULY happy follow their passion. and it DOESNT MATTER if it doesnt make you rich. i am convinced some of the happiest people on earth are some of the poorest.

question authority. my whole life, i am told DO THIS, and i always say WHY. and you know what. they never have an answer. and they think i am cheeky. and opinionated. and difficult. and you know what. i never cared. people think like SHEEP. they just all do the same thing. be bold. be brave. do what you want WHILE you have a choice.

if you know what you want do it. if you want to do the TOTAL REVERSE of what every person in your life wants you to do, do it. if you screw up and fail. start again. you are SO YOUNG. this is the time to test the waters.

a lot of people (not here but other people) think i am very wise. i give them advice all the time. and it is good advice. the one thing to remember. that TIME really does speed up. you think it doesnt but it does. you will be thirty before you know it. there is no SET of answers for everyone. and yes life has no handbook (i tried to buy one back in the day)

just fill every day being the best person you can be and try not to hurt people along the way (intentionally). be honest. be just. be pure. and always THINK for yourself.

sndfreQ's avatar

21 is a very important time in one’s life; there are tough decisions to make-many for the first time. Be true to yourself, be passionate about your career (and it should inspire passion in you), and realize that you’re not alone. Many, many people have gone on this journey before you and have come out okay, but the key to any long-lasting success is time, patience, and persistence. Nothing in life worth while is handed to you.

Just a slice about me personally, I battled my parents throughout high school, as they insisted my talents in math and science (completed college calculus by 10th grade) meant I should go that route. They went so far as to make me take a ‘pilgrimage’ to Annapolis, to convince me that there was a future for me either in Engineering or Medicine.

Inside my heart, I really felt conflicted, as I had a life-long passion for music and the arts, and believed deep down that this was the path for me. At 17, my first week after graduation, I moved out and on my own-it was rough the first couple of years, but proud to say that after 9 years of college, 3 degrees (AA, BFA, MFA from a top interdisciplinary arts school), I am most proud of my own journey-it’s something no one can dispute or take away from me.

I now teach and practice my craft professionally here in L.A., and have to say that I come into contact with many students who have the same sorts of issues. I recommend to them to get passionate about something, anything, but that community college offers those just starting out a pathway to success in their lives, and more importantly, helps them to define who they are, what their vision is, and chart that course. I found some of the most inspiring role models and thinkers in community college in my professors. The variety of problem solving techniques, ways of thinking, and outlooks on life were some of the best ‘remedies’ to the pressures, stresses and challenges I was experiencing at the time.

Lastly, If you seriously think may be suffering from depression, or are having stress-induced anxiety/depression, you should seek outside help. Community colleges have services for students who are independent or have no health insurance-YMMV, but it’s an option if you don’t want to involve your parents or close family in that aspect of your life.

Poser's avatar

It’s easy for me to say, “Go your own way. If your loved ones don’t support your choices, that’s their problem.” But following that advice can be very tough indeed. It’s easy for me because I never worried too much about what my family wanted for me. They mostly wanted me to be successful and happy in whatever I chose to do—they have always been very supportive.

But not all families are like mine. My girlfriend, for instance, can’t fathom the thought of disappointing her parents. She’s pursuing a very tough career, and I sometimes wonder how much she wants it compared with how much her parents want it for her. They wouldn’t be supportive of much else for her. If it wasn’t something she wanted so badly, I’d advise her to tell her parents to f*** off if they couldn’t support what she wanted. But because her family dynamic is so different than mine, I know that going against her parents wishes would be heartbreaking. Luckily, the career path she’s chosen is also what her parents want for her.

Of course, when they find out about all my baggage, they won’t want her seeing me. That’ll cause lots of problems in the future. I would say, “It’s none of their business.” She would say, “They’re only looking out for me.”

But she’s staying with me.

The point is that you cannot live your life for anyone except yourself. Your life is the greatest gift God has given you; living it in any manner other than one that is fulfilling to you is an insult to God. Ultimately you have only answer to yourself and Him.

BobEagle's avatar

At 21 I thought I had all the answers, I was wrong. At least you have a question and you are obviously giving life a lot of thought….that’s good. Just remember “Never say Never and ALWAYS avoid always” because things change and maturity will bring changes to your “basic ” concepts.
In the meantime go with what is good for YOU and hopefully friends relatives will follow at a distance.
Time will solve the question.

stephen's avatar

@BobEagle yeah i m trying to change myself, to be myself that what i wanna be, i think i m just stupid why should i give a shit about the beholders talk or thought to MY life.
appreciate the answer from one of fluther guy,he said, if they feel disappointed, then let it be, i think i ll do like that.n thank u @BobEagle and everyone here.

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