Social Question

ubersiren's avatar

Married people: Do you still ever feel like your spouse or partner is out of your league?

Asked by ubersiren (15175points) December 13th, 2009

I’m still amazed that my husband chose me sometimes. We’ve been married 3 years. Especially after seeing the other girls he’s dated in the past. I feel like Cinderella- swept off my feet by my handsome prince charming! Do you feel this way? How long have you been married?

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35 Answers

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Never. I think we’re pretty evenly matched to be honest.

stormy's avatar

I’m the trophy wife…been married for nearly 8 years…

Aethelwine's avatar

I’ve been married for 18 years and I still have moments like this. I’m very shy and quiet, while my husband is the life of the party. I then remind myself that opposites do work well together. If we were both outgoing neither one of us would shut up. If we were both quiet it would be very….quiet. We make a good team. :)

john65pennington's avatar

In the beginning, my wife was a model for Bobbie Brooks Sportwear. she was a knockout. i was a college student at the University of Tennessee. did i think she thought she was on a pedestial? yes. way up there. we dated for six months before we married. for the first three years of our marriage, my wife was still floating in the clouds. one night, we had a sit down heart to heart talk. i laid my cards on the table, concerning her big head. our talk was very constructive. she had no idea how i felt. we finally arrived at a neutral level. its been that way ever since. i never thought she was out of my league. i was a part-time musician playing nightclubs in Nashville. bottomline. yes, some people are not compatible. its like a female millionaire marrying a homeless person. would this ever work? probably not. its up to two individual people to make their own decisions.

wundayatta's avatar

I sometimes feel like she’s out of my league. Then again, I sometimes feel like everyone is out of my league. A few women have said they loved me, but most of them decided I wasn’t good enough. Honestly, I don’t know why my wife sticks with me. It’s not like I haven’t done a lot of nasty shit. I’m lucky that she stays married to me. Really lucky. Sometimes I think that without her, I’d probably be a grease spot in a road somewhere by now.

TLRobinson's avatar

Why would you think you’re not worthy? Feel blessed but not unworthy…

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@daloon the reason is very simple. She loves you.

chyna's avatar

@daloon Maybe because you are worthy.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

My husband is 10 times smarter than I am. Book smart, worldly smart, everything. He’s 5 years older than I am, he pretty much had to raise himself since he was 6 years old, he’s been in the military…everything points to the fact that he’s way smarter than I am. But he’s never, EVER made me feel inferior. (been married 42 years)

hearkat's avatar

I don’t understand this concept of ‘leagues’. An ex-bf of mine dumped me after 6 months because of my weight… someone made a comment to him after seeing a photo of me. Prior to that, he hadn’t had a problem with it.

At that point, I had lost a few pounds since we had first met, and was working on lifestlye changes to improve my fitness and reduce risks for future health problems. Losing weight is a bonus of that.

He was ashamed for how he felt, and we got back together. I lost a bit more weight, and he once commented, “once you lose weight, you’ll be way out of my league.” A couple months later, he dumped me again, citing the reason that he was no longer attracted to me—yet admitting that I was even more attractive than I was when he first became attracted to me.

What does it all mean? How come being overweight made me not good enough; but if I get to average size I will be too good? I am the same person now that I was the day we met. Just because my appearance might be easier on the eyes than it was back them, I am still the same me.

Aren’t we all humans, with strengths and weaknesses? Why do we feel the need to judge or classify one another? As someone who has been shy and insecure – especially about my appearance – for most of my life, I do understand questioning what my beloved could possibly see in me; but logically speaking, we are all worthy of love.

Shemarq's avatar

For the most part, its pretty even. But after 13 years, I still wonder why he puts up with me. LOL!!!

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@hearkat sounds like you may be better off with someone who loves you just for being you.

hearkat's avatar

@jbfletcherfan: No doubt! That relationship is over. But when he said that to me, his blatant contradiction was befuddling. And since then, I have pondered the concept of ‘leagues’ and come to realize that it seems to be more a question of the person undermining their own self-worth, rather than their beloved truly being “too good” for them, because there is no such thing!

redneckgirl's avatar and my husband are so much alike and have so much in common.We’ve been friends since I was 14 and he was 16

wundayatta's avatar

Aren’t we all humans, with strengths and weaknesses?

That’s not what I was told when growing up. The message I got was that if I wasn’t good enough, I wouldn’t be loved. Ever since then I’ve tried to be good enough to be loved, and it doesn’t work. I know it’s the wrong way to think, but I haven’t figured out a way around it yet.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@daloon I wish you COULD figure out a way to get around it, because you ARE good enough to be loved.

phillis's avatar

What a strange concept. I didn’t marry until I was 36 years old. By that time, I had enough sense to BE a decent wife to someone, as well as choose a decent man with whom to share my life. It never occured to me that one of us might not be in the same league as the other. We just fit together very, very nicely. Both of us completely cover everything that has to get done without even trying to “match” with each other.

Maybe it is because I never liked being put on a pedestal, that I never married anyone who saw me in that manner. As long as they see me like that, I can’t be sure they will love me for who I really am when I make that inevitable mistake that sends me tumbling to earth.

ubersiren's avatar

I don’t know, I think some people are better than others, but that’s not exactly what I meant here. Maybe I only used the word “league” for lack of a better term. However, body image isn’t all I was referring to. My husband is smarter, more together, thoughtful, loving, an excellent parent, responsible, better at Wii, and successful career-wise on top of being very handsome. I don’t necessarily think he’s better than I am, just different and I’m often amazed that he has chosen me rather than someone more capable at the things he’s capable of. I recognize that he is better at doing many things that I am not, but that doesn’t make him a better person.

phillis's avatar

Oh! Well, if it’s just a matter of symantics, then I have an open mind. If that’s all you could think of to describe it at the time, then I can deal with that. Something about your recent comment is still striking an odd chord, though (sorry). It’s almost as though your self-esteem is getting in the way of fully feeling your husband’s obvious love for you. Who cares if you “deserve” it, or “earned” it? That isn’t how love works. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. That’s the honesty that comes with love.

Cupcake's avatar

@ubersiren I love that you said “better at Wii”!! Lurve.

strange1's avatar

isnt marriage a word that means ‘to go together’ or something like that? well if it doesnt do what it says on the tin (roughly) then its only an exercise on paper. you need to take it back and swap it /get a refund

broncosgirl's avatar

Totally a funny thing. I have known my boyfriend for years, but we’ve only been together about nine months. I think he is incredibly out of my league….and I have never ever been insecure that way in a relationship. He is incredibly handsome, funny, smart, athletic…etc. The women from his past still are in love with him, his friends and family adore him…it’s a lot to take on. He says he thinks I am dumb to feel that way, because he feels lucky to be with me. I’m not a total toad, I would say I am smart and fun and not butt ugly lol. But I am still amazed every time he says he loves me :) He of course doesn’t understand my insecurities, he says he feels lucky to be with me. I guess it’s when you know you have a great thing, you are in awe you have it :)

Oxymoron's avatar

You shouldn’t feel like he’s out of your league! He sure doesn’t. Don’t compare yourself to his other girlfriends that he once had, that’s never a good idea. I’m sure he thinking your the most beautiful and amazing women out of all of the women in the world. He might feel the same way about you at times. I think everyone feels that way at one time or another. I felt like that at the beginning of my relationship but now I feel like we’re complete equals, fit for one another in every way.

RubyReds's avatar

We are most of the times on the same wave. But yes, sometimes (not often), I do feel like that, specially when it comes to the way we handle kids (his and mine).

ubersiren's avatar

@Oxymoron Thank you for the kindness! I guess I’m just so amazed by him that I’m always reminded to count my lucky stars.

phillis's avatar

@ubersiren: I noticed that you didn’t respond when I was talking with you. I know you don’t know me from Adam’s housecat, but I really was trying to be helpful, so I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. That was NOT my intention, dear. I’m sorry if it came across that way.

ubersiren's avatar

@phillis : Oh, no, not at all. I appreciate what you said! I just jump around and don’t remember to respond to everyone. I definitely don’t feel concern he doesn’t love me fully or anything. In fact, I think the fact that he did chose me shows that he has many dimensions and makes him even more appealing. Thank you for your concern!

phillis's avatar

Of course I am concerned! No one here knows me, so it’s really easy to think the worst, you know? I have to make allowances for that. The last thing I want to do is hurt somebody :(

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I never felt he was out of my league – I don’t think anyone is out of my league. We have been together since July 2007, married since November 2008. I wouldn’t be able to be with anyone that wasn’t completely my equal in every way.

gemiwing's avatar

I wonder about ‘league’ too and I simply cannot think of another word that would convey the same idea. It’s a tough one.

I do feel like this sometimes. Those times when I’m just blown away in amazement and awe that this man- this caring, thoughtful, loving, devoted, sexy, intelligent man- is with me. Little ol me. Then I go over and hug the breath out of him.

phillis's avatar

Awwww…..:) That is so sweet! Good for you, gemiwing, that you have those experiences :)

mistered's avatar

My wife is better looking than me. I’ll admit it. Sometimes I think she’s too good looking for me.

phillis's avatar

I’d say that qualifies as peeling back the facade, even if it isn’t an earth shattering revelation, mistered. GA :)

Sophief's avatar

Well I am not married, but I believe my partner is way out of my league. Like you said regarding your husband, my partner is so very clever, he has a great job, he is such a good man. He could get somebody so much better than me. He is gorgeous, I am very lucky that he chose me. You should just embrace every single moment.

BeccaBoo's avatar

I have never understood this “league” category that both men and women use? I always thought that your with someone because it’s a mutual thing and you both want to be together. I am most definitely not the prettiest fish in the pond, but my SO is a very handsome, funny, clever, hard working, great father, great partner and the reason that he is with me is quite simply in his words because “we work” and i make him happy. Shouldn’t that be enough, that your both happy. why question it?
I just said to my SO, you could put him in a room with 100 men and to me he would stand out a mile and shine through for me, just because I love him so much, but if you did that with other women, they would probably look past him. All that matters to us is that to each other we are the most perfect people on the planet. Soppy I know, but it works.

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