General Question

Lorenita's avatar

In love with love?

Asked by Lorenita (735points) December 14th, 2009

So, I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now, the thing is that during the first year and a half I was like crazy in love, the kind of thing that keeps you from concentrating on anything you try to do, because you are practically daydreaming of your SO all day long and if this person told you to go to China by feet and come back you would do it. I must say this has been the strongest crush ever, but lately I’ve been realizing that the whole infatuation part is over, I’m not saying I dont love my SO, we share many good moments, intimacy and all that, but this new feeling, the fact that I can actually do my life without being stupid crazy in love kind of confuses me. It’s true that this way is better since I can “do my life” , but im scared I might meet someone else and then go into the crazy phase again, then over it and then someone else all over again.. I guess I’m scared that im the kind of person that is in love with the feeling.
So has this happened to you? If so, what did you do to make the current relationship going on?
I do love my SO, and want to make things work.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

7 Answers

frigate1985's avatar

Well, I think thats the moment that is called “A mature love.” You know, you’re not so blinded by love, but you still love each other well and hang out often… I don’t think you should be overly worried about it. If you become crazy on somebody else, just think that your feelings for the target is not love, but rather interest..

Poopy's avatar

You love the thrill of the chase. Once he’s yours and you know it, the thrill is over.

Harp's avatar

There’s a neurological basis for this. New love triggers massive releases of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which feels fantastic. It’s a major component of what we mean when we talk about the feeling of being in love. And it is literally addictive (dopamine addiction is at the heart of gambling addiction, for instance).

But this heavy dopamine release doesn’t last forever. Eventually, being in the presence of that “special person” no longer gives you that dopamine high. This has some evolutionary benefit, because while riding that high is great for procreation, it makes one rather dysfunctional in other aspects of life.

The effect is that we can go through a kind of dopamine withdrawal, where we start looking for a new way to generate that dopamine release.

There is another neurotransmitter, oxytocin, which is associated more with the pleasure of companionship— a “cuddlier”, less passionate feeling than that delivered by dopamine. oxytocin is much lower-key than dopamine, and doesn’t have the same addictive quality. The success of long-term relationships seems to depend on being able to be content with the glow of oxytocin rather than the blaze of dopamine.

Lorenita's avatar

@Harp: so I’m actually on dopamine withdrawal? it sucks jajajajajajajaj
now.. is it wrong to be so aware of this? or should I just go with the flow until I’m “normal” again.. ?
I know it sounds strange but I can’t help feeling “lost” without the whole crazy feeling stuff, I’ve been in love before and went trought the crazy phase but never like this, and I truly want this relationship to work..

Harp's avatar

Not wrong. It’s just the way the brain works and it’s not something you can control. Yes, if you ride it out, the withdrawal symptoms will fade (or you may find other ways of getting your “fix”, like blackjack). If there is anything to the relationship beyond the chemical rapture of new love, then you’ll eventually settle into the calmer sweetness of just enjoying each other for who you are.

I blame the media for reinforcing that idea that love is all about this dopamine-related passion. Since it can’t last, people are constantly dismayed to find themselves “falling out of love”, when they’re really just falling out of dopamine. What a waste.

Lorenita's avatar

@Harp : I totally agree with you.. media definately makes us think that love is this romantic portrait, filled with hearts and pink backgrounds.
So I guess im going to try bunjee jumping to get my fix jajajaja =)..

Response moderated (Spam)

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther