What would you do if you were invited to a recession-theme party...that wasn't affordable?

I’ll give some details….

A young friend of mind has her children in a very chic private school in the Midwest. Her three children are “scholarship kids” which she is very self-conscious about. She and her husband would not otherwise be able to send their children to this school. They are living on his salary (which is modest) and she is a stay-at-home mom. I’ve known her since she was a young girl and she was not raised with privilege and I am so proud of how far she has come in her life.

However…....

Recently, she was invited to a party thrown by one of the very wealthy mothers in her child’s class (they just started at this school). The party had a “recession” theme. And everyone was supposed to go to the store and buy a complete outfit for under $100 (including the shoes) and bring the receipts as proof. They were then going to have a fashion show and the best outfit would win a prize.

I found this idea so offensive. It was assuming that a) all mothers had an extra $100 lying around to blow on an outfit and b) that $100 was somehow “slumming it” for the mothers. The hostess obviously didn’t even think that perhaps $100 might be the clothing allowance for a family for a full month or two.

My friend was upset as that $100 so close to Christmas was going to hurt the family budget. I felt that in a world that is suffering (and this is a part of the country that has been really hit by the recession very badly) that this idea was utterly in bad taste and just thoughtless and arrogant.

My friend is desperate for her children to be part of this whole social circle, and so she is going to these functions “for her children”. (Yes, I know.) I wanted her to boycott, but she felt that somehow, she would be lessening the acceptance of her children at the school by not being part of the “in crowd” of obviously deluded and delusional mothers who are living on another planet. Rather like Marie Antoinette and “let them eat cake”. My friend also felt that somehow she had made it into “the inner circle” by receiving this invitation and felt it would benefit her kids in the long run socially.

I circumvented this whole “social” stuff by sending my one child to Steiner school. Keeping up with the Joneses doesn’t even factor into this private school that stresses the spiritual side of education, families and life. I was comfortable growing up. I never did have to struggle to be accepted in that way…so I don’t know what that feels like…to want to belong like that. But you know what? When I was a child, there wasn’t all this stupid posturing no “who do you know”, “what do you drive?” stuff going on. Boasting and or excluding others was a sign of lack of grace and bearing. My mother was always careful never to “put on airs” and my father really despised any sort of “show” at other’s expense.

I would have said, “Thank you…but I’d rather take the $100 and give it to a food pantry or a food kitchen…” or “Rather than have a party to celebrate the recession…let’s all buy a blanket and then go out and distribute them to the homeless.”

What do you think? What would you have done? Would you have gone? Would you have protested or made a suggestion to the hostess? It makes me wonder about the person who threw this sort of party…because the person may be wealthy….but obviously, lacks any real class.