My Brother and his wife don't like me yet, (I think out of obligation) give my son and I a Christmas gift.Should I accept it?

Accept the gift. If you buy a present for them it doesn’t have to be of equal value, that’s not how it works.

I would accept the gift because being rude to them won’t solve anything. Be the better person and be your natural gracious self. Send the gift to a local women and children’s center if you don’t want it in your house.

I vote too for accepting the gift. It shows you as the bigger person. I can see no legitimate reason to deny the gift. They are at least carrying on a civil relationship, however bothersome. That is much better than being rude. I think @gemiwing had a great idea about sending the gifts to a shelter or some other charity if you truly don’t want them.

In terms of getting them a gift. I would also do this. Perhaps again you could do it in the name of charity so it would really be a gift to charity and not to them, see a bit sneaky ;). Donate something to a charity in their name. It can be a family gift so you don’t have to do it for each person.

Thank you for taking the care and time to respond to my question.
I would (of course) not elect to be rude or to NOT thank them if I were to accept the gift.

I suppose it just perplexes me why 2 people who clearly do not like me enough to relate to me whatsoever would give a gift and if it is even ethical for me to receive/accept that what is seen by me as somewhat insincere.

Accept their gift, donate it to the shelter and then give them a gift saying you have made a donation to the shelter in their name.

Perhaps they are purchasing gifts so that your parents are not annoyed with them. Perhaps they are finally fulfilling their obligation and reciprocating on your gifts of the past.

The main thing is to keep on with what you have been doing, reaching out, being polite, being a part of your family. Accepting their gifts is a part of your obligation. Good luck. Oh, and if you painted a portrait of Christ for them I doubt it would go amiss. Well ‘portrait’ might not be the right word for such a painting.

I would say it is ethical to accept because ethically speaking the general rule of thumb is to be kind and nice. And the kindest thing to do in that circumstance is accept the gift. However if you prefer that gift-giving stop you could say that well in advance of the next holidays but give enough time for this one to settle as not to be rude. I know in our family sometimes we will just say “hey not giving gifts this year or please don’t send gifts to us this year” and it usually works. Of course it is too late for that now in your circumstance.

As to why they do it? Perhaps they like you more than you think they do, perhaps they want to keep up family relationships, perhaps their ethics say everyone gets a present. Really I can think of a ton of reasons why they’d give you a gift.

Don’t question people’s motives. What’s the point? You can’t know what’s in their hearts anyway. Accept the gift because it’s normal for brothers to offer gifts to brothers at this time of year,

Accept the gifts, and extend thanks. Better yet, return the favor and send them gifts. Refusing them would just widen the gulf, but this time you would be responsible for it…..

Accept the gift, perhaps it is a reach out? Maybe it is not, but if you do not accept the gift how will you ever know? I would thank them in person, with a quick call to say thank you and happy holidays. Nothing wishy washy but at least leaving the door cracked, if it is a reach out. If it is not, a personal phone call is still a very nice gesture and does not commit you to anything.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

Thank you everybody for taking the care and time to answer y question.
I feel it is resolved…thanks to you all.
I shall therefore accept the gift, issue proper thanks and just try to be nice to them and hope they one day will see I have love to give-despite what differences we all share. Hopefully they will see me for the worthwhile human being I try to be.

Sincerely
Denise

Accept the gifts and thank them. Be the Christians they claim to be.

Whether or not I accepted the gift would depend mainly on the conversation we’d have beforehand.

I would speak to them face to face or call them, if neither of those are possible, I’d email them. I’d cut out the niceties and social graces—and I’d tell them essentially what you’ve written here. That you’re an adult who is capable of reading between the lines, you suspect they have a problem with your work, and take if from there.

If they still deny everything, then I’d tell them that our relationship in its current form is not working, I’d explain how and why their behaviour bothers me so much, and then I’d tell them that until we could sit down as adults and acknowledge that there is a problem, and work together to find a solution, I’d rather not correspond with them.

Whether or not you accept gifts or cut off contact between your son and your brother is another matter, I don’t know the dynamics of that relationship well enough to offer any advice… except to say that if you stop speaking to your brother, your son doesn’t necessarily have to.

Your question makes it sound as though you’re waiting for them to like you, that you think they will, at some point, behave properly. I’d quit waiting, they may never come round. I don’t see the value in investing a lot of effort into the relationship in its current form, life’s too short. Good luck.

All of your answers are fabulous.
I feel bad takingup all of your time now that I feel the question has been resolved.
I’m going to really try to open jup the avenues of dialogue between them and myself and see if we can’t reaach at least some peaceful medium where we can be breaking this wall of shunning silence.

I’m only GUESSING here why they might be shunning me by the way.
Option B might be the fact that I am not financially ‘successful’ in their eyes, OR that my best friend is a gay man….it’s really silly to have to guess as such.
Life-it’s too short for these silent treatments.
I’d surely be very upset if any ill was to come their way…and it is my point of view that one can never go wrong or stray far away from what is good and right by sharing love and compassion.

Thanks again everyone.
Most kind of you all to help me.
I feel a lot better equipped to deal with this now.

Sincerely
Denise

good for you! Good luck!!

Thank you.
This site is useful and fun^^i happened upon it quite by chance!
:-)
D.

@SisterPainter Glad you found us!

Accept the gifts, bake them a fruitcake.

Accept the gifts; however, ask them their intent and state your confusion. You have nothing to do with me but you think enough of me to purchase gifts at Christmas? Ignore me completely or accept me unconditionally! Pious people piss me off!

A nasty fruitcake.

I would accept the gift, and send a nice thank you note, and see what happens.

I would accept the gift, be gracious, and send a thank you note. Show them by actions rather than words that you are a decent human being.

tell them: “i don’t accept gifts from people who hate me.” then take it anyway.

Just accept the gift, and give them a gift in return. Just learn to live with other people’s differences, because every person is just different from each other. You may have several same/similar ideas/viewpoints/preferences with the other person(s) based on background, situation, experience and lifestyle. Anyway, the reality is just that – you just have to live with other people differences.

@citizenearth. There’s a difference between learning to live with people’s differences (a good thing) and being a doormat by allowing people to treat you as they see fit, however badly that might be (a bad thing).

well, ?

For a Christian, every day is Christmas, and phony gift giving is not pleasing to God if on every other day they are being cold and distant for no good reason. (Or have they forgotten that they are celebrating the birth of their Judge?)

That said, I think it’s ok to graciously accept the gift. Maybe your good will towards them will be a reminder to your brother that it is his responsibilty to gift you, his beloved sibling, with God’s peace and unconditional love at all times, and not just during the holidays.