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Starson's avatar

Liking somebody with who you have nothing really in common...

Asked by Starson (252points) December 17th, 2009

I’m instantly attracted to this girl, there is definitely chemistry and constant flirting, we talk all the time on a casual basis but I do not feel we have anything in common at the moment to last long term. Has anybody else found this and made it work, allowed yourself to develop common interests…

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29 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

In my life I have found that it is more satisfactory to begin with common interests and have that blossom into infatuation.

NUNYA's avatar

Nah, nothing in common…...........Gosh but the definate chemisty and constant flirting things tell me there is a “common” intrest. Go with your heart Starson!!! We can give you ideas on here but…........ultimately you are the one that truely knows the answer to this one. Good Luck! AH Hell….............GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Great Question!!!!!!!!!!!1

cornbird's avatar

It can work. By getting to know her a little better im sure you will find something that you are common with. Give it a chance.

sevenfourteen's avatar

things in common are for best friends, nothing in common is for love

YCLYHO's avatar

nope! ive flirted and had ‘chemistry’ with many guys, but my instinct tells me not to bother – it would be a waste of time, its just about sex, it wont grow

Starson's avatar

@sevenfourteen thanks, but do love and best friends not go hand in hand?

cornbird's avatar

@YCLYHO And how does one change your mind?

Starson's avatar

@YCLYHO Thanks :) It’s a hard situation because we get on so well, but I do that after the initial excitement phase of a relationship, I don’t feel it will be a relationship where you can sit in perfect silence and feel like you are having the most intimate conversation

NUNYA's avatar

@Starson You seem to be really questioning this yourself, by the comment you left. Is it chemistry or is it infatuation/sex? Defining the 2 in your head will give you the answer you need. ?????? Maybe?

lonelydragon's avatar

You must have something in common if you are able to talk to each other, even if it’s a personality trait and not an interest. Don’t close your mind to the possibility of dating her. Who knows, she might introduce you to a new activity that you didn’t know you liked. Even if the relationship doesn’t last forever, you’ll have fun and learn more about yourselves as you learn about each other.

Starson's avatar

@NUNYA I guess it’s hard to differentiate, but it’s still the initial attraction, both physically and personality wise (yes that’s poor English, but hey); it’s not about sex. I feel I get on with her so well but I can see that once the initial stage of the relationship wear off we will have nothing in common. Ironically I think I have answered my own question by asking it and typing this reply; I know it’s not something that will last but want to believe it is because of the initial attraction. Thank you :)

danbambam's avatar

Well you don’t know what you have in common untill you find something you both love doing together! duh.

You both need to try new things that the other enjoys. You can make anything work.. as long as both parties are willing!

Good Luck!

chyna's avatar

I think you need to have a common thread as the sexual tension and initial attraction fades quickly. But until you dig deeper, how will you know whether you have common interests or not?

Chatfe's avatar

It can work. Sometimes you don’t know what it is that attracts you in the first place.

Cruiser's avatar

I don’t think you have gotten to know each other well enough…where there is smoke there is fire! I bet you have more in common than you yet realize!

barbiedoll's avatar

Yes, this has happened although we both put limitations on the relationship (not serious) because our personalities are very strong.

NUNYA's avatar

@Starson You really did answer your own question. In the reply to my answer….......I think that is all the info you really need! It seems to me that the 2 of you really need to remain friends! close friends but not more then that. I really wonder if you got into a real relationship with her, if the friendship would be lost. Don’t go there…......stay friends and nothing more. That is my personal opinion. But I’d hate to see you loose her entirely!

jerv's avatar

Lets put it this way; my wife and I have fairly little in common but we’ve been married for 8–½ years.

NUNYA's avatar

Ok Jerv…...........what drew you together in the first place? And what keeps the 2 of you in the same bed in the same house? How does that work? Just curious hun! (((HUG)))

SABOTEUR's avatar

My wife and I have few common interests.
Our relationships works, I guess, because we want it to work.

lostinyoureyes's avatar

I say work with you’ve got. Don’t try to predict the future. What you’ve got in common is that you’re interested in each other….. must we always abide by these “rules”..? Show her that you’re interested in learning more about her…

sevenfourteen's avatar

@Starson – I’m actually finding out right now that that may not be so true. I’m dating my best friend and although I love him to death and would do anything for him since we’re the same person it’s just not as fun.. Maybe it’s just supposed to go the other way, love and then best friends?... oh idk I just think this makes me realize what’s wrong with my love life. Best of luck to you though… I just think that having things in common helps but if you don’t you may develop new tastes for things you never experienced/liked before.

Shemarq's avatar

My husband & I are opposites in alot of ways, but our traits complement each other. I’d say go for it and see where it goes. In any relationship, the key is being able to compromise with each other. If you have the chemistry, there is something there.

Pandora's avatar

Can it work yes.
Will it make your relationship harder yes.
Is it possible its just chemistry (lust) and you like the attention from flirting. Yes

I would suggest you wait till you know if this is really love or not. Marriage (if this is what you mean by long term) is a struggle even with things in common and common goals. So anything less is just guaranteed to make it more difficult. If you both desire long term than the one goal you should both aim for is to work really hard to create things that will help bond you to each other. Other than just flirting and chemistry. Looks are just a temporary thing. You are going to need more.

deni's avatar

i’ve never had success in a relationship with someone i have nothing in common with. i need to have at least SOME things in common with him. if its just a physical attraction i doubt it will last. anythings possible though, go for it, whats the harm.

YARNLADY's avatar

Until you have established a regular relationship with someone, you have no way of knowing twhat you have in common or what is complimentary between you.

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suzanna28's avatar

yes it is called a crush.. happens to all of us..

If you really have nothing in common it would fade in a short time..

that is just the way life is..

you often meet people you are attracted to but when you get to know them you realise you have nothing in common and then the relationship fades.

then you meet people who at first sight you are never attracted to but then over time an attraction can develop to a very high degree to the point where you actually want to marry. It is a deeper more meaningful attraction..
Most married couples are like that.. they weren’t always attracted to each other from the beginning.

That’s life C’est la vie

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