General Question

live_rose's avatar

What should i do with my now ex boyfriend's x-mas gift?

Asked by live_rose (1223points) December 18th, 2009

I was just dumped earlier this morning (woe is me) but I already got him a Christmas present. Should I give it to him, burn it out of spite, give it to someone else or let it dust over on-top of me dresser forever? I’m not exactly sure what the protocol is for this.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

56 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

re gift to somebody else, or donate it

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

If you can’t take it back,give it to someone else.Why keep a reminder?

MrItty's avatar

If it’s not returnable, and not give-able to someone else, toss it. Just as you would any other thing of “his” that you have. No need to keep painful memories.

shego's avatar

Regift it if possible

deni's avatar

what is it? i’d use it myself lol

flameboi's avatar

You are a well educated, cultured, traveled woman, mature enough to forget his bourde. It does not matter why or how he dumped you, when you bought his gift, your feelings for him were there, the best you can do is give him the gift with a note like this:
“I had a wonderful time with you, I wish you happiness and prosperity. Merry Xmas”
keeping it as a reminder will just hurt you unnecessarily and giving it to someone else will make you think how childish you were back in the day

JLeslie's avatar

Return it if you can. No matter what get rid of it somehow, but I would not give it to him.

live_rose's avatar

@deni it’s the werewolf book . . .an encyclopedia about werewolves and some rune stones I suppose maybe I could leaf through the book and then pass it on but that might do more bad than good.

daemonelson's avatar

If you give it to him then it will slowly drive him mad.

Do it.


EdMayhew's avatar

Get your cash back if you can and spend it on something nice for yourself, like a massage. If you can’t find your nearest charity shop and turn something bad into a little good.

If you give it to him it might give him the wrong idea…

Burning things is fun, but if you are bent on destroying it why not strap it to the largest firework you can find and save it for new years?

Or alternatively you could strap him to the firework…

JLeslie's avatar

Once you do return it take that money and treat yourself. It is the least he can do for breaking up with you right before Christmas. It would be nice if he still gave you your Christmas gift he had bought for you.

live_rose's avatar

@JLeslie . . . he didn’t get me a present.
and @EdMayhew I’m just imagining him attached to one of those big cartoonish loopty loop fireworks . . .it made me snicker.

JLeslie's avatar

@live_rose Well, I am angry at him, he gets nothing. :) Hope you are not too upset with the breakup :(. Do you have plans not involving him for Christmas?

Unless of course it is some perfect gift for him that will make him feel like shit, then maybe you can sway me.

CMaz's avatar

Send it my way. Will PM you my mailing address.

live_rose's avatar

@JLeslie i thought it was a nice gift maybe not a perfect gift but i thought it was pretty snazzy. I have other Christmas plans seeing as he wasn’t to keen on making any Christmas plans. He was just waiting till after Christmas to break up with me . . .but I could kind of tell he just wasn’t into me anymore and I called him on and he broke up with me. I am pretty upset but maybe that’s just cause I’m an overly emotional person

JLeslie's avatar

Awww. Most break-ups are upsetting, even if the person was not right. Have you dated long? Good you have plans. Hope you feel better soon.

live_rose's avatar

@JLeslie we had been dating a little over a year. And thanks

deni's avatar

feel better :) dont be down for the holidays, blast some christmas music and conga around your house :)

CMaz's avatar


We are going to @deni ‘s house for the holidays!

Poser's avatar

I have to agree with @flameboi. So much vitriol toward someone who made a tough decision that their life should go in another direction. Unless there was infidelity or abuse, he doesn’t deserve hate.

deni's avatar


Ghost_in_the_system's avatar

Accept it as it was actually intended, or donate it.

Supacase's avatar

Can you return it? If so, that is my first suggestion. If not, pass it on to someone who would like it. Maybe even the library?

EdMayhew's avatar

Don’t worry, there are plenty more pebbles on the shore. There’s no such thing as overly emotional – greater lows = greater highs!

oh and…

JLeslie's avatar

@Poser We are not hating, just being supportive of @live_rose

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Oh, Live Rose….the Christmas break-up. That’s the hardest. I had one or two of those. The good thing? You didn’t give him the present and then he pulled the plug. That happened to me.

I would NOT give it to him. Please return it for a refund. Not sure, but I think you are in the UK..? I know that most Brits don’t like to return gifts, but please do it. If you don’t have the receipt, take it anyway, and tell them your story…most shops here would really understand.

Take the refund money….and go over the things you really wanted to get for yourself and didn’t because you spend the money on Mr Mean. Then, go buy that special gift for yourself.

I know that you are really hurting…and this is a lousy time to break up. But you know what? He probably did not buy you anything anyway….so just do it for yourself.

Be kind to yourself, nurture yourself, rally your friends round you…have a good cry, and do the things that will help your heart heal….go to an art gallery, go shopping, visit good friends, check into a hotel and just order room service, take hot baths and curl up with chamomile tea….do something that makes you happy and nurtures you.

You deserve every good thing. Remember that.

HighShaman's avatar

Well; if it is something that you can use yourself… Keep it .

If you can return it , take it back. Even if they only give you store credit, you could get something for yourself or another male that you are buying for .

If you can’t return it or use it yourself… donate it to a charity that is collecting gifts for the needy.

Poser's avatar

@JLeslie I understand supportiveness. But she didn’t mention anything about him being a bad person, and that seems to be the conclusion that most of the jellies jumped (floated) to. It seems that the breaker is always in the wrong—bad, mean, cruel for breaking up with someone, while the breakee is always a victim. Sometimes people just realize that a relationship isn’t in their (or their SO’s) best interest. There is nothing inherently mean about this decision. IMO, it’s quite the opposite. Better to make a clean break so both can move on than to cling to something out of guilt or fear.

I don’t think it does any good to assume that her ex was a jerk. That’s all I’m saying.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Return it for a refund if you can. If not just stash it away somewhere for further use, but not where you can readily see it.

live_rose's avatar

@Poser he wasn’t/isn’t a bad person and he feels bad for what he did . . .though it’s not your fault, you can’t help if you fall out of love with someone. I can’t be bitter about it, though regardless of the intention it still stings, can’t help that either. So I take the support eagerly but am not being brain washed into thinking he’s a bad guy. I’m not sending this thread to him saying look what a bad person you are. So I can read between the lines.

Cruiser's avatar

I have always been a fan of burning and dancing around the fire! I used to get my exercise that way in my dating years!!

Poser's avatar

@live_rose It didn’t seem to me that you were particularly bitter, just hurt. And, certainly for good reason. Break-ups are never easy, and it sucks that it happened so close to the holidays. I do agree that getting rid of the gift is best for your healing process, and however you decide to do it, just make sure it is in a healthy manner.

I predict that by Groundhog Day, you’ll be completely over this. Good luck to you.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@Live Rose…..I called him “Mr Mean” the Mr Mean in those little books. If he is a “nice guy”....I…apologize…....but other than that….I hope you will still consider my advice.

I still think Christmas break-ups, even for good reasons, really are the worst.

ubersiren's avatar

Do what will benefit you most. What are your options? Returning it and getting your money back is ideal. But giving it to someone else who can use it is just as good as money. Keep it if it’s something you can use. Maybe you can pawn it? At the very least, give it to charity.

Sorry you got dumped during the holidays :( Hugs to you!

Rude_Bear's avatar

Return it. Take the money and go out and have fun.

King_of_Sexytown's avatar

Return it unless it is something you might want or can use. Especially since it sounds like he did the breaking up.

ucme's avatar

If it’s an X box then use it to console yorself !

jessicamarie's avatar

What was it??

live_rose's avatar

@jessicamarie Rune stones and a werewolf book

HighShaman's avatar

@live_rose EXCELLENY gifts… I wonder why I never such nice gifts ? Do YOU personally read the runes ?

jessicamarie's avatar

You should get your money back…
or just give it to him in a rude way…you probably didn’t deserve what he did

Poser's avatar

@jessicamarie That’s a pretty bold statement. How do you know what he did, or what she deserved?

jessicamarie's avatar

I am just stating that with my own experiences…if he broke up with her right before christmas then he is a jerk
unless she did something horrible to cause it

Poser's avatar

@jessicamarie So you are saying that he should have remained in a relationship that he was no longer comitted to, simply to avoid breaking it off before a holiday? I don’t see how this would be a less “jerky” thing to do than ending it now. She mentioned that she could tell something was wrong, so she confronted him about it. He ended a relationship in a mature way, at a bad time of year. And that makes him a jerk?

JLeslie's avatar

@jessicamarie I think @live_rose kind of forced his hand, seems she kind of was realizing he was losing interest.

danbambam's avatar

I’m sorry to hear that! Don’t give it to him! It makes things awkward..

Find someone else to give it to who will like it but don’t let them think you are giving it to them because you can’t give it to your now ex. Know what I mean?

I am kind of in the same situation except I am wanting to dump my loser good-for-nothin boyfriend and don’t know what to do with his gift or whether or not I should wait till after the holidays.

Poser's avatar

@danbambam Why would you want to hold on to a good-for-nothing loser even for one more day?

justmesuzanne's avatar

It depends on whether or not you are still friends, what it is, and whether you want it or not. If it is a simple, friendly gesture and you are on good terms and you want it, say “Thank-you” and keep it.

If it is inappropriate in any way, you are not on good terms and/or you don’t want it, give it back or take it to WalMart and exchange it for something else (as long as it is something they have in their database, they will give you store credit.)

jessicamarie's avatar

@Poser it still wasn’t very nice

Nially_Bob's avatar

As was suggested previously by @flameboi you could simply send him the gift with a kindly but non-suggestive note on it. That way, in the later stages of “getting over” the relationship (if such is necessary), you can atleast take glea in the fact that firstly you were civil towards him even at the bitter end and secondly that he probably feels terrible about the fact that you were.
Alternatively, you could simply donate the book.

danbambam's avatar

@Poser :

I cant dump him because i cant get ahold of him!

he’s on a cruise

live_rose's avatar

@HighShaman I didn’t exactly know what rune stones were till I got them for him but I did read the runes . . . or at least tried to the best of my abilities, it was surprisingly insightful.

@everyone I did force his hand in when and how we broke up (ended up I made him break up with me over text message). I could tell we were headed that way so I mean it’s best it ended when it (even though it is right before the holidays) did instead of dragging on because I think that just made it hurt more, that and I’m finding out now everyone else knew we were breaking up 2 weeks ago I must’ve just missed the news letter :P

Xann009's avatar

I say sell it. You should get some of your hard earned money back, and you don’t need the reminder (IMO).

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Donate it to hospis

Joybird's avatar

If you kept the receipt than you take it back. If you didn’t keep the receipt then you either give it to someone else..a sibling or a nephew maybe…OR you put it on ebay or craigs list.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther