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monobonbon's avatar

How can i convince my parents to let me go out?

Asked by monobonbon (67points) December 18th, 2009

my parents are super strict.
i know its only because they want to protect me , but i’m older and smarter and yet my parents don’t let me go out.
they say they trust me , just not the other people out in the streets.

I always assure them that i’ll only be with friends that my parents know(they only know 2). But yet they say no.

I can’t even go to my own front yard because they don’t like me being outside. I can only go to school, go home and thats all.
i can’t even excersize outside or go to the park or have a nice walk.

I’m not allowed to have friends(especially not guy friends).. and the friends i have that my parents approve of , i’ve known for 14 years and still my parents don’t let me go out at all.

I’m trapped like a bird in a cage and i don’t know what to do…

how can i convince my parents to let me go out?

(just once in a while, not all the time)

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16 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

If what you say is true, then their behavior is pathological. Call Child Protective Services, but be prepared for a shitstorm that will change your relationship with your parents for ever.

jfos's avatar

Yeah, that situation is no good. If you don’t want to take the route that @pdworkin suggests, you have to take a stand. I don’t know how your parents discipline you (if they do), but I would try to reason with them.

What would happen if you didn’t come home right after school?

I can almost understand not letting you out to hang out with people, but not letting you out in the front yard, even to exercise, is outrageous.

Haleth's avatar

You could show them that you can handle going out through responsible behavior, and make a case with logic. That might only get you so far, because your parents sound really strict and unyielding. What they’re doing is making sure that you’ll never be prepared to handle the world once you’re out on your own, which is a lot worse than going out in safe ways now.

EdMayhew's avatar

Wow, that is really strict – I feel for you! Let them know that if they want to protect you, you need to know a little about the world you’re being protected from. If you don’t learn about life now you’ll be totally lost when you leave home for college. Do you mind me asking how old you are? And how about the area that you live in? If you live in a really dangerous area then maybe they’re not being as strict as it sounds, however the same still applies.

Kelly_Obrien's avatar

Bribe them. Offer them both twenty bucks.

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

You should do what most other teenagers do – sneak out! If you’re stealthy enough, you just might not get caught.

JLeslie's avatar

I would tell them that you do not want to cause them any worry. That you would like to have some sort of compromise and you are willing to do whatever it takes to help them feel comfortable. Things like: you will call them when you arrive at wherever you are going; they are free to call the parents of the kids you will be spending time with, you will always respect their curfews. You will not drink, smoke, or take any drugs.

Don’t make it a battle of wills. Hopefully showing respect and understanding for their concerns and position will demonstrate maturity and they will feel more comfortable giving you some spce.

I recommend doing this during a calm time when you do not have a specific event you want to go to, so you can all talk calmly about it.

ragingloli's avatar

A quote I heard somewhere:
“Don’t ask for permission. Ask for forgiveness.”

JLeslie's avatar

I think we should be careful not be too sarcastic or recommending things like sneaking out when we are responding to a teenager. I am usually very impressed with how the collective seems to genuinely care about giving good, caring advice to young people.

Buttonstc's avatar

Write to the Dr. Phil show. He seems to be pretty good about mediating situations like this.

Based upon similar situations he’s tackled, I think he’s pretty objective and fair and will stick up for the kid when warranted.

EdMayhew's avatar

Well at your age you should be out and about, socialising and making friends. Are your parents more lenient in other areas or are there more strict rules i.e. what websites you can access or what television you are allowed to watch?

john65pennington's avatar

They are just protecting their little girl. in their eyes, you will always be their little girl. you may not see this today, but once you have a baby girl of your own, you will understand my answer. wife and i have been through this with our son and daughter. we were strict, simply because of my job. i have seen parents that did not give a flip about their children. be honored you have parents that care for you. this is a tough time for you, since puberty has kicked in, and i understand this. you are going to have do your part, even though you may not like it. your parents have a responsibility to provide a roof over your head, food on the table and your safety. it seems as though your parents are fullfilling their obligations. my daughter has told me so many times, “thanks, dad, for being strict on me. i would have been in trouble with the kids i ran around with, if you had not made me walk the line.” can a parent be too strict? yes, and then the child will rebel against them. as a parent, its hard to determine exactly where the line begins and ends. each situation is different. if you honestly believe your parents are out of line here, then have a sit down talk with them and express how you feel. if they give you leniency, then do not ever betray their trust in you. this is how you earn points with your parents. take it slow and talk it out. john

CMaz's avatar

How old are you?

Seek's avatar


All I can say is I’m sorry, I know where you’re coming from, and I hope fervently that your situation turns out better than mine did.

lonelydragon's avatar

I am sorry to hear that. I can understand them wanting to keep you safe, but how unsafe can the front yard be? They can’t shelter you forever. Otherwise, you won’t know how to navigate the world or social situations when you are an adult. Do they expect to keep you under their surveillance for the rest of your life?

Because they are strict, I doubt they will relent, but you can try taking baby steps. Gradually ask for more freedom, and each time, present your request in a way that benefits them. For instance, if you want to go out in the yard, offer to take out the trash. If you want to go to the park, offer to take the dog for a walk, or ask one of them to go with you. That might seem embarrassing, but if they go to the park and see that it’s safe, they may let you go alone.

The same process applies with friends. Try to work within their comfort zone first. Initially, you can ask them if a long time friend can come over. Once you get past that stage, ask to go over to a friend’s house while her parents are home. Then, get their parents’ phone number and give it to your parents. If you have a cell phone, you can also offer to call them when you are on your way over to or back from your friends’ house.

If none of these plans work, there are two other things you can try. First, talk to a sympathetic relative in your extended family, or to a mentor. Perhaps they can argue on your behalf. If that will not work, then speak with your school guidance counselor. S/he might even ask your parents to come in and discuss the issue. They will probably be more open to change if another adult talks to them.

Finally, if all of those solutions fail, then make plans to go to college away from home. You will have to teach yourself how to be independent. I was in a similar situation as you when I was a teenager (though not quite as bad), and in some ways, I’m still behind my peers due to the restrictions placed on me back then. I am having to learn skills that I should’ve learned long ago, and they are more difficult to master at a later age. I was hardly allowed to do anything because they didn’t want me to get hurt. Ironically, they hurt me more by not preparing me for the real world. Hopefully, your parents will learn that lesson before it’s too late.

Killers123's avatar

I really do feel strongly for u!!! My parents r the same way towards me…im not allowed to go out with my boyfriend and im 18…my relationship is falling apart because of this…everytime i ask to go out its always NO!!! But u should sit down and have a chat with them and let them know how u feel and that u can handle urself in the real world. Im going to do the same with my parents. Good Luck!!!

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