General Question

fleurs's avatar

What does my ex want?

Asked by fleurs (16points) January 2nd, 2010

i dated a guy for about 4 months. And then he broke up with me. After 3 months, he started calling me again. after some time, i asked him what i am to him and he says he doesnot know. Sometimes he says we are friends but acts jealously when i am talking with other guys. we always fight and stop talking for some week but he always call back. this time, i became so fed up with his manner and apparently he also. he didnot call back even after 2 months but for the new year, he sent me a new year text. what does he want?

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23 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

It’s what he doesn’t want that should concern you. He doesn’t want to relinquish control, even though your relationship is over. In my opinion this is a strong warning signal, and if I were you I would stop engaging with him at all, immediately.

Spinel's avatar

He is having difficulty letting go. Chances are he still has lingering feelings for you, but his “man pride” won’t let him acknowledge that (especially because he is the one who ordered the end of the relationship).

The fact that this guy can’t make up his mind (especially after he’s had plenty of time to do it), is another warning sign.

J0E's avatar

To wish you a Happy New Year…

fleurs's avatar

he knows that i still love him lots. the last time i told him i will make my best to forget him, he told me i won’t be able to do so. he also said: “today no, tomorrow no, but one day you will call me”. when we were together , he once told me that he doesnot beleive in marriage. but some months later, he said that when he marries,he will still remain in contact with me, if in destiny, marraige with me is not possible. i just don’t understand him. sometimes he says he doesnot give a damn about me while some other times, he is the total opposite.

jca's avatar

he does not seem to want you but does not want anybody else to have you, either. he wants to keep throwing scraps at you to string you along.

dpworkin's avatar

You have confirmed my original opinion. This guy is bad news.

fleurs's avatar

if he doesnot want me, why string me along?
why wish me happy new year when he doesnot even want me??

fleurs's avatar

yea, everyone says he is not good.
but what the need to keep control when you are not interested?

lovemypits86's avatar

he wants you to be there for his convince? i had a guy like that once but turned out he was on drugs

fleurs's avatar

when he is in contact with me, he calls me three times a day, and before going to sleep. he talks for more than 1 and a half hour. and he is the one who calls, not me..

dpworkin's avatar

twice. but you can’t make people take good advice.

DrMC's avatar

clean break is simpler, else you’ll get back together dysfunctionally.

With all that arguing, if you were married, I would say counseling.

There is no one above I disagree with. Pretty unanimous if you ask me.

marinelife's avatar

He wants you to be around when he feels like talking to you.

Lose this guy.

Spinel's avatar

He called with a “Happy New Year” to continue to lead you on. If some other guy were to get involved with you in his place, it would sting his pride, and make him feel worse. By maintaining contact with you, he is sending a signal that you are taken. He maintains a good emotional state and is still able to have you on his arm to fling around any direction he pleases.

As the others have said, keeping you on as a stand by is a benefit for him, but not for you.

faye's avatar

Pull your socks up and grow your pride. Tell him not to call you, be polite only if he calls you and find yourself a man not a billy goat. I’ve heard men bragging about the girl they have on a string.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Good god woman… it’s past time for wondering about what he wants. He’s got what he wants, which is “you on a string”. My question is why you want to accept being his puppet.

I know it’s not reasonable to expect a person to “stop loving this guy who is such bad news for you” (because whether you realize that or not, everyone following this thread does), but it might be reasonable to suggest: “You should talk to a counselor about this unhealthy attraction of yours. And forget about his for you.”

Buttonstc's avatar

You wonder why he keeps in touch. Are you familiar with the term “booty call” ?

It costs him nothing to keep you hanging on a string and in the back of his mind is the thought “never know when she’ll come in handy”.

As others have already pointed out, start worrying about yourself and how to get a healthy sense of self-esteem. It CAN be learned. Try therapy. You have nothing to lose from it and everything to gain.

You weren’t put on this earth to be his play toy.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Might I direct you to this helpful place? You, too, can become a heartless bitch. As a matter of fact, I strongly advise you to become one ASAP, because this triflin’ fellow has already taken up too much space in your thoughts and life as it is, and it needs to stop.

Supacase's avatar

Whenever he thinks you may have had enough time away to start moving on, he reappears to reel you back in. Its all about the chase and having you on the line “just in case.”

Siren's avatar

I think everyone’s comments are on the mark. In other words, the guy’s bad news and you need to move on. Doesn’t matter if he keeps calling/texting/talking/communicating with you. YOU need to move on. Don’t take any more calls/texts/etc. Here is a synopsis of words and phrases being used in response to your question:

booty call
stringing you along
leading you on
relinquish control
relationship over
throwing scraps at you
difficulty letting go
knows that I still love him

Bottom line: This person is taking advantage of you, using you, and relishing being in your spotlight. Does he deserve your attention and your time? NO. Does he understand that it is more painful and harder for you to let go of him if he keeps contacting you? YES. Why does he do it? I bet if I pooled all the men here, they would agree he’s insecure and a little sadistic, and I bet most men would instead stop communicating with you until you got over them, in respect of your feelings. This is no friendship. I would find other things to do with your time, change your phone number (if possible) and move on. For you.

fleurs's avatar

thx everyone…:)

lovable's avatar

Your ex still likes you. He just doesn’t know how to tell you. He may deny it because he thinks you don’t want him, but he knows he still does. He is argumentive to give you hints that he still has emotions for you or that it’s “killing him” to not have you anymore.He stops calling to see if you’ll miss him and call him. When he realizes that your not going to call him back he just then calls you because he misses you. He just wants to hear your voice and to hear from you.

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