Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Have you ever professed love when it wasn't true?

Asked by wundayatta (58604points) January 10th, 2010

People lie in all kinds of ways, but it seems to me that pretending love when it isn’t true must come from a very desolate place. I’ve never known anyone who did it (at least as far as I can tell). It doesn’t make sense to me that anyone would lie about good feelings. Bad feelings, yes, but good ones?

So I thought I’d ask. Have you ever said you loved someone when you didn’t? What was the situation? Why did you pretend to love someone you didn’t? What did you hope to get out of it?

And if you haven’t done it yourself, but you know someone who did, tell what you know of their story.

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24 Answers

poisonedantidote's avatar

i am very very careful about using that word. so far i have only said it to one person.

marinelife's avatar

I have never professed love for someone without it being true, unless I was lying to myself.

jamielynn2328's avatar

I have never personally done this. It is hard for me to say it when it is true, I would never be able to throw such words around without a care.

I can’t even say it if I’m upset at my husband. I have to say it when I am truly feeling it.

Holden_Caulfield's avatar

I have told someone I loved them, but wasn’t “in love” with them. It has more to do with the fact that I cared deeply for them; what happened to them, how they were, etc., but wansnt necessarily in a state where I wanted a more intimate, loving, or committed relationship. It has never been a matter of saying it and not meaning it, but rather meaning it in a certain way. There are many manifestations of love. We can love people for a myriad of reasons, but that does not mean we want to live with them, spend “forever after” with them, marry them etc. I don’t think it is duplicitity to tell someone you love them, as long as you are communicative about what that love means. I do agree that “I Love You” means different things to different people. The key, to me, is in how you communicate the meaning…

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

No I haven’t. Have I suspected someone of it, sure.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Never. I have only been in love once (currently) and he is the only person that I have said those three words to (in the romantic sense). I would be hurt if I found out that someone who had claimed to love me didn’t.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I forgot to mention that I have never even been able to stay in a relationship with people I didn’t love hence why, my current relationship has lasted a lot longer than any of my “relationships” have in the past.

stemnyjones's avatar

Like @Holden_Caulfield, I have told someone I loved them when it was true, but I wasn’t in love with them. But, this was usually after I HAD been in love with them, and had fallen out of love, but was still trying to make it work.

I’ve also told people I loved them when i thought I did, but that’s just because i hadn’t found true love yet… it technically wasn’t a lie, because I believed it myself.

mattbrowne's avatar

No, but I have some serious doubts about all the people in McDonald’s ads professing “I’m loving it”...

Bluefreedom's avatar

No I haven’t and I never plan to either. This would be a cruel and mean spirited thing to do to someone, in my opinion.

wonderingwhy's avatar

No, haven’t been down that road. Mostly because I know how I would feel if someone did that to me. Also, if I care about someone enough to lie about something like that, by default, I care about them enough to tell the truth – I’ve always felt it will work out better long run.

lonelydragon's avatar

I have told someone that I loved him, when I wasn’t in love with him, but I wasn’t lying. When I say I love someone, it means that I care for their happiness and safety, which was true. I wanted him to be happy.

wilma's avatar

Not on purpose.
I thought that I “loved’ the person.
I wasn’t mature enough to be using that word.
I just didn’t know it at the time.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I have only said it to one person in my life. I meant it totally, to the very depths of my soul. I will never say it to any other.

nikipedia's avatar

I thought I was in love with my high school boyfriend. I wasn’t.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I told my guardian I loved her when I didn’t.

Obviously, I didn’t mean it in the romantic sense.

At one point when I was a girl, must’ve been about 11, after she “punished” me for something in such a way that would’ve gotten her arrested if anyone saw it, she asked me, “Do you still love me?” I whimpered, “Yes.” “Do you mean it?” “Yes.” “OK, go to your room.” I was afraid if I’d told the truth I’d get walloped again.

It took me some years to realize that asking someone if they love you after you’ve beaten them is rather sadistic. It stunned me to also realize that she had had no idea that that was the case.

dutchbrossis's avatar

I don’t think I ever said I love you to someone and knew I didn’t at the time. With my ex boyfriend thought it was more the idea of what he pretended to be that I loved and I tried to convince myself that I loved him. He was such a controlling jerk though that that didn’t work out which is much better now

Pandora's avatar

I think a lot of us use it when we are young and can’t tell the difference between love and a crush and a desire to be in love. But once you know what love really should feel like then most people find it to fake that emotion. Some will fake it without ever mentioning the actual words. For some reason some people can either fake it and not say it or say it and not be able to fake it.
As for me I can’t fake it or say it, if its not true. I did when I was younger and didn’t know the difference but after my first love, it was impossible to do ever again.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’ve never told a romantic partner I’ve loved them when I didn’t. And I’ve never told a partner I’ve loved them, either.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

When I realized that I was saying I love you but that he loved me more, I told him that I think he loves me more than I love him – he agreed but we remained in the relationship for a little bit still

adr's avatar

Yes. I had loved the person for so long, I didn’t notice the emotions change.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

I am the kind of person who keeps their word to the best of my ability given the circumstances when and where possible. If I say the word, I live up to the word.

I did however say it once but I felt that I was not in a good place mentally, and I felt pressured into it because he too said it too fast, and I don’t believe he really meant it either. I tried to live up to it, and mean it with my whole heart. I realized that I didn’t, when his ex wife and his children, and his drinking were so much of an issue that I couldn’t get past it to want to stay.

When you really love someone… I mean REALLY love someone, you endure just about anything and stay, abide and MAKE it work. Love fixes broken because it wants to. If it can’t, it isn’t love.

I understand how sometimes we say thing prematurely, but no one should use that word unless they are either absolutely positive… or in the very least willing to work through those things that might be a hinderance to the experience of it.

SOmetimes it is magically chemical and just obvious, sometimes it requires very hard work and other times it is a conscious choice that one makes because they see something of value and worth in the person they are giving it to.

It doesn’t always have to be perfect, sometimes it is a compromise, sometimes for some people it is not much more than a business contract built upon basic mutual needs being met through trust and a unified mindset in goals and wants and needs. *To me, that’s not love… But to some people it is. It takes all kinds and whatever works is good!

And I have had that done to me on purpose twice… Two men consecutively said it, with intent to say it for the purpose of hurting me. and I can tell you… It sucks because I loved the first one to the detriment of my own life, and this one now… Has no idea what he is doing to me and I honestly don’t think he cares?

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