Social Question

Jude's avatar

Simple question; when in a relationship with someone, do you flirt with others (innocent flirting)

Asked by Jude (32134points) January 13th, 2010

In turn, if your partner or spouse flirts with someone, does it bother you?

Is it wrong to flirt (you have no intention of being with the person that you’re flirting with), if you’re in a relationship?

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35 Answers

bumface's avatar

fuck yes! flirt all you want. its just a small ego boost and a lame conversation. respect your partner though – if they hate it and get upset, then dont continue. otherwise, i think its healthy and just a bit of fun, so go for it.

JONESGH's avatar

sure i do, not on usually on purpose though.
i don’t care if she does it as long as it’s not right in front of me.

Sophief's avatar

It bothers me more than anything. He is a natural flirt and I hate it. I believe it is very wrong to flirt when you are in a relationship, it scares me everyday when he goes to work.

gemiwing's avatar

I don’t flirt with anyone but Hubbs. I’ll say something like ‘you’re pretty’ but never ‘let’s do it haha’. I believe words have power and should be used carefully.

Cupcake's avatar

Nope, I only flirt with my hubby.

bumface's avatar

@Dibley BABE! you need to chill out and enjoy life. you like him for who he is so dont wreck yourself running through scenarios in your head. youll only drive him away. he’ll like you more if you laugh it off and realise that he chose you, not them, for a reason.

nikipedia's avatar

One of the reasons I love being in an open relationships is that this is a total nonissue. We can both flirt to our heart’s content without being disrespectful to each other or leading other people on.

Nullo's avatar

Not intentionally, but then I’m not the most perceptive guy. I would much appreciate it if my lady friend would be similarly inclined.

Sophief's avatar

@bumface I don’t let on how jealous I am! I hide it well. Welcome to Fluther.

Aethelwine's avatar

I only have eyes for my husband. I have no desire to flirt with anyone else.

fireinthepriory's avatar

I don’t think flirting is a big deal if you’re doing it innocently. Hence the meaning behind the “innocent” part! I’m a huge flirt without meaning to be, so I know I do it, but I mean nothing by it. Hell, I usually mean nothing by flirting with someone when I’m single, too. I’ve had SOs flirt with others, too, and it didn’t bother me – not even when done in front of me. I’d probably even be ok if they kissed someone else, so long as they come home with me. :)

Ok, except this one past relationship, where I was randomly the most jealous person on the face of the earth. Ironically she was the least likely out of anyone I’ve ever dated to cheat on me, or even flirt with anyone else!

bumface's avatar

@Dibley thanks! even if you dont let on, you are stressing yourself out and thats more important. dont let it get to you. obvoiusly he doesnt do it to hurt you, its just part and parcel of who he is :)

OpryLeigh's avatar

I don’t think I do but my boyfriend is the friendliest person I know with men and women! I say he flirts but he doesn’t see it. It doesn’t bother me because I find it quite amusing and I know that it is harmless. Everyone likes him because his “flirting” isn’t suggestive or sleazy.

Blackberry's avatar

Yes, because your life doesn’t end once you have a SO. I would expect my girlfriend to have a little fun and do the same.

hug_of_war's avatar

I don’t flirt with anyone. I didn’t before my boyfriend and I wouldn’t if we were not together as well.

Cruiser's avatar

It is hard not to notice something appealing or attractive of the opposite sex and that I feel is appropriate to acknowledge. Innocent flirting is harmless if kept within the expectations and boundaries of the relationship!

noelasun's avatar

yes, especially if it gets me out of a ticket.
(j/k!)

Facade's avatar

We both flirt naturally. I haven’t really run into any men I’d bother flirting with in a while, but if I did, I would. My SO flirts all the time and while I’m with him. No, he means nothing by it, but still. Come on.

dutchbrossis's avatar

not really. I don’t think it is wrong though as long as both people in the relationship are okay with it

tinyfaery's avatar

I’ve never really flirted just for the sake of flirting. To me, flirting is a means to an end. So no, once I married I ceased to flirt.

phil196662's avatar

The Wife and I openly flirt and if it’s someone we know it’s even worse because things like “come over for a couple of hours and you can get out of those tight clothes” I might say to a woman and the Wife simply gets a devilish look…

Lorenita's avatar

Yes I do, but just that.. lame things.. nothing else, and when they ask if I have a boyfriend, I say I do.

phil196662's avatar

Unless he is giving you the right vibes! @Lorenita

daemonelson's avatar

My partner and I tend to notice and point out others making such gestures. We haven’t really discussed returning these to see what happens.

We must do so.

Trissinger's avatar

I do a bit. The more my husband knows the other person and feels secure around the other person, the freer I will feel to innocently (very innocently) flirt around that person, if the guy absolutely knows I don’t mean anything by it. (!) If I wonder whether or not I’ve given the guy the wrong impression, I’ll clarify things to him, at some point.

chian's avatar

i think everyone knows the limit to flirting. It is healthy to a point, makes you feel good and hey life is short. I flirt but more in a friendly cute way, not a sexual i want you way. You know when you are disrespecting your other half…

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I agree with @Dibley. I had a deep loving respect for my mate and considered flirting to be at least a prelude to cheating. Couldn’t do it.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I mildly flirt with acquaintances but they know very well it’s play and my partner knows I’m not going to act on flirting. He does flirt, he’s very charming and enjoys giving and receiving that kind of attention too, it doesn’t threaten me because I don’t believe he’s doing it with any agenda behind of engaging anyone else. I love to watch people admire him or try to catch his eye.

SuperMouse's avatar

I do not flirt, but I am a pretty outgoing gal and some people misinterpret that. My man flirts a bit, but like me, it is a function of his personality and his desire to put others at ease.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

I don’t think anything is wrong with innocent flirting but I don’t go out looking for it either. And there is a fine line between innocent and inappropriate.

As far as whether I’d be jealous if my fiancĂ© flirted or was flirted with, no. It reminds me what a great guy I have!

augustlan's avatar

I don’t go out of my way to flirt, but I am naturally talkative and friendly. Sometimes that could be flirtatious. I know my husband is a flirt! How do you think he got me? ;)
Doesn’t bother me a bit.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I will say something flattering to another woman, but never in a way that suggests I am interested in them for any sexual or emotional relationship.
I make my intent and boundaries very, very clear.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I actually never learned how to flirt. I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. One of the characteristics of this disorder is an inability to read body language, subtle facial expressions and communication via eye contact. Such abilities are probably crucial to flirting.

Part of my training as a young army officer was a very stern lecture on sexual harassment and it’s career consequences. Looking back at this now, I see that my inability to distinguish between flirting and sexual harassment led me to adopt a style of chilly formality towards women, especially in the workplace.

My only flirting experience was with my wife; I always the recipient, didn’t understand it, and Meghan was perceptive enough to realize that I was not responding because I didn’t understand. I learned a bit about nonverbal communication and she learned to be more explicit in her communication. This frankness and openness, IMHO, contributed to the strong bond between us.

I still don’t really know how to do it: at this point I really have no desire to learn

StephK's avatar

No, I do not flirt with others – because I find it disrespectful. And because I find it disrespectful, I get upset if my SO flirts with others.

Trissinger's avatar

You know, as I read over these answers, it seems that almost everyone must have a different meaning of ‘what it is to flirt’—- most interesting! ...

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