Got pun?
Here’s one:
**TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK -** A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. ‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, ‘If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.’ White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physiques will follow.
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39 Answers
Sounds like a cathe of math hysteria to me!
thats was some of the greatest shit ive ever read – thank you! i needed that
When they took him, he was sitting in the back yard, next to his geoma-tree.
@Trillian Was his pet hypotenuse sitting there with him?
Talk about your Axiom of Evil! You can spot how nervous these guys are by their arithme tics, and sometimes, their wives tuck restricted items into their alge bras.
Well, now I can get back to my life, knowing that this case has been squared away.
And the little acorn, when it grew up, said, “Gee, I’m a tree!”
Yes, it was a-cute little thing, but it was angling to get away. (groan) It was heard to say: “I’m not trying to be obtuse.”
One of my favorites, (and a real groaner!) originally used by 20th century writer Bennett Cerf:
A certain rich gentleman had a huge seaside estate, with lots of wildlife, both indigenous and animals he brought in. He had lions, bears, tigers, etc. He also had a group of dolphins, or porpoises. He discovered that if they ate a certain type of sea gull, they would never get sick or die. These gulls did not live on his estate, so he had to go out periodically and procure them. One day, he came back to the estate with an armload of seagulls. As he walked up to the gate, there was a lion there, stretched across the gate. The man stepped over the lion and was immediately grabbed by Federal agents. The charge?
Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises!
(edit for typos)
I think you all are going on a tangent here.
When the command “Go forth and multiply” was given, not all the snakes would procreate until Adam built them a platform made of tree trunks. Thus, even adders can multiply on a log table. Courtesy of my 9th grade algebra teacher :)
Seems like only an accute threat, they should probably sliderule in this case. What angle are they going for? They should just sit down and settle their troubles over a pi.
When I was 12, I was sure Bennett Cerf was the devil.
I am still not sure I was wrong.
You guys are hilarious – you tickled my punny bone.
Well, you know what they say. Math puns are the first sine of madness. :-)
He’ll get a fancy lawyer who find an angle to keep him from getting the math book thrown at him.
You know I’ve read that story a few times… It just doesn’t add up.
I mean a fraction of it seems plausible.
But all things being equal I guess I don’t want to divide the group with it.
@Pcrecords To sum it up, the multiplication of puns in your post don’t equate. :-)
@janbb wow, you really did a number on me there… ;-)
@janbb Now that was a calculated pun.
@Pcrecords and @janbb If you guys keep this up, you should buy a house together, assuming you can syne and cosyne for the loan.
@filmfann I’ll only buy a house with him if it can be in a sub-division!
I’ve always wanted to settle down and multiply.
(A pregnant pause will ensue while I think of a pun….)
I am sure you can get a good prime rate.
Hopefully this nonsense won’t carry over into other questions.
YAAHHHHHHH!! HaHAHAHAHA! (Insane laughter, drooling, eyes wide, arms wrapped around my head, in a corner rocking back and forth)
@Trillian I guess you’ve been pun-ished enough for now.
E=mc?
been thinking of this Gary Larson cartoon since the whole thread was posted.
I’m waiting for this thread’s pun-ch line.
(Is that where the term punch in jokes came from?)
Why can’t you say 288 in public?
It’s two gross.
Six was scared of seven, cause seven eight nine.
What happened when three cats jumped in the river Seine?
Un, deux, trois, cats sank (cinque). :-)
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