Social Question

airowDee's avatar

What is considered unacceptable flirting in a relationship?

Asked by airowDee (1791points) January 17th, 2010

Isnt a partner supposed to just trust you when you talk to other guy and know that friendly conversation does not mean “i want to be with him or have lusty thoughts of him”, or is it that you are supposed to be completely satisified with your partner that you never feel the need to enjoy spending time with other men or enjoy talking to other men ? Is there a clear definition of what flirting is?

Is it a sign that she is not satisified if she enjoys attention of other people once in a while?or the compliments of other people other than her partner?

Is he just insecure or is she just too attention seeking and unfit for a relationship with this particular man? can they work it out or are they destined to break up becasue they dont see eye to eye on this ?

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13 Answers

faye's avatar

If it makes your boyfriend unhappy, why would you choose to do it? And there is fun flirting, let’s go to bed flirting and then ordinary conversation. No one should tell you not to talk with men, though, they are not just for plumbing.

airowDee's avatar

I dont think i am flirting though. I dont know. its just so confusing to talk about. I am so frustrated. I am just never the type of girl who tells a guy to fuck off if he says something nice about me without me having to ask for it. I enjoy it and i think its mean to be rude about it, i have no problem having fun talking to anyone…and some people see some of the things i say as flirting but to me, thats juist how i talk..but i dont know. I am pretty open about any kind of topics and yeah i dont tend to think before i speak… sometimes i dont know if i can be with someone who is so strict on everything and consider a woman not respecting herself if she talks that way with other man..

i think a self respecting woman does what she wants..

wonderingwhy's avatar

what’s acceptable is generally defined by the couple and can vary widely. if the individual definitions are too far apart it can put a real strain on a relationship, easily one that can end it. there are too many reasons for why the other person might not like it, insecurity comes to mind, as do trust issues. but my best advice is openness, honesty, and compromise.

I tend to be a shameless flirt to the point where sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it. My wife… well, let’s just say without taking my own advice from time to time, wouldn’t be.

The bottom line is, since there is obviously an issue, sit down and talk about it. get it out in the open and discuss it together. If you respect your partners concerns and display an genuine willingness to work in addressing them they should do likewise. If they don’t, well, that’s a different issue altogether.

airowDee's avatar

i think you are just like me wonderingwhy! lol

i honestly have compromnised and he might even be reading this right now, or later, but i really havent flirted with anyone..

wonderingwhy's avatar

Heh, I was thinking the same thing. ^.~

My guess is it’s a communication issue. Sit down with him and make clear your definition of flirting for him. When I did that the first time a lot of different view points became pretty clear pretty quick, even though we had talked about it a few times previously.

Our situation was a little unique, but the issues involved were pretty typical: insecurity, trust, respect, concern over which head I was thinking with… they resolved pretty easily once we addressed the trust part, but it did take some time and a level of transparency that I wan’t at all comfortable with – though a lot of understanding and a few conversations sorted that out too.

SeventhSense's avatar

If the other guy looks like this You may be disrespecting your boyfriend.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

‹(•¿•)› @SeventhSense That is pretty nice ascii art

You need to set reasonable limits for your own conduct.
If he still is unable to cope with your sociability, then the relationship is in trouble!

Tenpinmaster's avatar

Any flirting with the intention of changing the nature of the relationship. Also misleading someone into thinking that you are interested in them in a romantic fashion. It depends on the person that you are “flirting” with. Some people know that you are just being nice, and others think you are trying to make advances so you have to know your limits with each person.

ucme's avatar

I look at it like this. It’s okay to window shop as long as you don’t buy.

simplicity's avatar

@faye But if it is making her happy why would her boyfriend chose to try and stop her doing it?

If he isn’t happy with your conduct and you don’t recognise the problem, or have no willingness to change, it then yes the relationship is in trouble. Although I don’t really see why you should have to change your behaviour anyway and the thought that it seems you would have to stop talking to other men altogether to make him happy seems rather worrying to me.

TBH I love my partner getting attention from men. She is desirable, why shouldn’t she? And I love and am very happy that she chooses to be with me. As long as I can count on her complete honesty I have no issues with anything she does. But I would certainly never force her into flirting with people just to make me happy :)

Secondhandserenadesarah's avatar

It depends. Do u love your partner? I have often flirted with other guys just by starting to text them frequently, then we progressed to talking on the phone… Till 3 am. Eventually I snuck our to go to his house where we got carried away. I’m not saying u can’t talk to other guys but be off the phone by 9 cuz it just goes down hill after 9.

syzygy2600's avatar

I doubt friendly conversation is what hes concerned with. There is no clear definition of flirting, everyone has to set their own standards to whats flirty and whats friendly. In my view it would depend a lot on who the guy you’re flirting with is – is it an old friend, or just some random stranger? Or worst of all, a guy he doesn’t like or get along with?

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