Social Question

casheroo's avatar

How would you react if you learned your significant other was "tracking" you?

Asked by casheroo (18091points) January 19th, 2010

For discussions sake, lets say you’re married or in a long term committed relationship…not one you can just up and leave easily. (living together, financial accounts together…all that jazz)

Would it be the end of your relationship if you learned your spouse was tracking you?
Not with a private detective, but somehow tracking you like GPS or something in your car?
You’ve never given them anything to worry about, never cheated and never lied.
What would your reaction be to this breech of trust?

this is just for curiosity’s sake

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51 Answers

wonderingwhy's avatar

At first I’d be curious and probably find it amusing, if it was anything other than a joke, I’d probably be godawful pissed, but I don’t see it (on the surface) as being something we couldn’t work out.

dpworkin's avatar

I would leave immediately and ask for an order of protection. Stalkers kill people.

phil196662's avatar

My reaction would be “Awww honey, when you have extra Urges you want to know where I am”...

Actually both the Wife and I have active GPS on our cell phones and can find each other at any time!

Your_Majesty's avatar

Well,he/she’s doing that because you’re so special. He/she’s doing that because he/she love you so much and want to protect you from harmful way. At least it’s in public not in somewhere private in your life.

Blackberry's avatar

This has already happened to me twice. Once in highschool and another time in a marriage. I looked at them a different way and pretty much that led to a chain of event that made me break it off. I’m not on parole, treating me like I am will just make me feel like the relationship isn’t even worth it. The person has to trust me, if they’re going to question my every motive, I’m going to be difficult on purpose, or break it off.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

If it were any of the partners I’ve had (except one) then I’d chalk it up to their incessant curiosity for all things tech and gadgety more than a real concern about where I go. Honestly, after a novel month of tracking, I think they’d be bored stiff to find how unexciting my errands are.

As for me tracking my partners, I’d be curious but resist because I’d be afraid of what I’d find out that might otherwise not directly impact me in the big picture.

lilikoi's avatar

I would probably feel violated and leave the person. I would never merge finances with anyone.

daemonelson's avatar

I would be really quite amused. Then I’d plot out a driving path that made either a big smiley face, or a fairly sizeable penis. And ask them ‘So…anything unusual happen today?’.

phil196662's avatar

Eeeek! Never thought of that one! @daemonelson

Val123's avatar

Well, I guess that would depend on what he did with the information. Is he constantly saying, in a suspicious way, “I know you went here! What did you do there????”

JONESGH's avatar

I’d be so creeped out

nikayamo's avatar

My first reaction would be to drive the car off a cliff (Make sure that your NOT IN IT STILL). And use a bike. Bikes are much easier to check for bugs. Then, I would bug HER car, and find out where she goes to get her tracking devices. Once thats done, take all her money and RUN!!

gemiwing's avatar

If Hubbs did that I would laugh hard enough to make my spleen explode. Then I would rib him mercilessly about it.

Keeping tabs on me lol I don’t even leave the house

casheroo's avatar

@gemiwing lol that might be one of my reactions as well..I’m a stay at home mother…not like I’m going out places with a toddler in tow, unless it’s to do things with my son.

Allie's avatar

I’d be a little curious as to why he felt like he needed to do such a thing. People don’t do something like that for funsies. There must have been something that piqued his interest. If I had nothing to hide I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I’d probably be a little disappointed in the fact that he didn’t trust me enough to talk to me about it, especially in a relationship like that. People all react differently though. Maybe something happened to him before and he just doesn’t trust people easily. Who knows?
If I found out I’d talk to him about it and try to get to the reasons for why he did it and why he felt like he needed to. Then deal with those things themselves, instead of the “tracking” thing.
Having said that, I would want him to stop tracking me. If he wants to know where I am he can call me and ask me. I have no reason to lie to someone I’m in that kind of relationship with.

DOMINO's avatar

Wow that would freak me out! I should be the one puting the tracker on HIS car, but even then that would be weird. I’d dump his ass at his moms house and tell her ’‘Fix him, I’ll be back in 6 monthes’’.Haha.

augustlan's avatar

What @Allie said. Word for word. If, after all that, I found out he was doing it (or something similar) again, I’d be gone-baby-gone.

Silhouette's avatar

I’d screw with him. I’d make sneaky weekly visits to the local crack house. I’d park my car in front of the local strip clubs, things of that nature.

phil196662's avatar

@Silhouette ; How about parking your car at the parking lot at the Police station and then wait for his response!

Aethelwine's avatar

A bit surprised, but hopefully he’d realize that I was going where I said I was going and then he would quit. I lead such an exciting life going to Walmart, Kroger, Dollar General, the park, my mom’s, ice skating lessons, the school.~

Hell, he can leave it. I may hit a slick spot somewhere and run off a country road, left for dead. He could be my savior!

phil196662's avatar

@jonsblond ; Yes- True.. A good reason to have it so the right person Rescues You!

Cruiser's avatar

I would give the tracking device to my UPS driver and leave it at that.

Val123's avatar

@Cruiser Excellent!!!

tyrantxseries's avatar

as long as they didn’t find the tracking device I put on them it would be fine.

casheroo's avatar

@phil196662 I know our phones come with that option as well..that’s actually what was in my mind, not gps on a car. I thought the phone thing was more geared towards parents keeping track of their kids, I doubt it’s ever been advertised towards couples lol

JLeslie's avatar

I would not be angry, but dissappointed he felt he needed to do it. I would want to talk about it, why he was worried. If he still felt insecure about the relationship, I would let him keep tracking me until he felt better and also maybe recommend we get some therapy.

If he was tracking because of some crazy neurotic possessive thing it probably would eventually end, seems like a big red flag. I don’t want to be with someone who has an extremely controlling personality.

tinyfaery's avatar

I’d ask why. Maybe it was because she was worried about me. The wife and I can track each others phones. I like it because I tend to get paranoid when it comes to her safety.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

My wife did check out the facts about myself when we first met online. She even called the University to verify my academic status and employment.

I was impressed and thought she was really smart to do so.

We have a GPS in the car and she could check on where I go. She usually goes with me when we go out so there is not much to track.

If she ever had doubts or fears about where I went or what I did, she’d just plain ask and she would get a totally truthful and straight-forward answer.

If I found out that she was tracking me, I would be concerned about her mental health and I would try to get help for her, because it would be such a deviation from her normal conduct.

I would not be offended!

Silhouette's avatar

@phil196662 Too obivious he’d know I was on to him
@Cruiser ROFLAO!

life_after_2012's avatar

ive had someone tracking me before, and it didn’t end on a good note. this person had mental health issues and needed to be baker acted later down the road. but thats my life experiance has nothing to do with yours

casheroo's avatar

Okay, so it seems this would be a deal-breaker…this would actually end a marriage for some of you?

Val123's avatar

@life_after_2012 What is “baker acted”?

GQ, @casheroo The Q DID say “Long term, much invested relationship.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’d be pissed off – this is a breach of trust.

Val123's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir What do you mean? How would it be a breach of trust for you?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Val123 we trust that we know what each other is doing at all times – we share that freely with each other as we do our minds and souls…there’d be no reason to track either of us…we’d ask each other first..if he did track me, I’d be pissed that he didn’t approach me first and was incapable of dealing with whatever paranoia in a mature way…it is important to both of us to not fall into the usual traps of relationships.

Val123's avatar

I guess my question would be….what would there be to not trust?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Val123 nothing – that’ snot the the trust I meant – I meant that we trust each other to ‘reveal’ all and if he was tracking me, then clearly one of our fundamentals has failed.

tinyfaery's avatar

that’ snot? Hahaha.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

That’s a complete violation. They’d be kicked to the curb. No matter what.

Jeruba's avatar

At the age and stage I am getting to, I would have to guess that he thought I had Alzheimer’s but didn’t want to upset me by letting on. He would just be taking care of me—a precaution in case I called him up saying I was lost (or worse, disappeared and didn’t call him up). Nothing like this has happened yet, but you know, it’s not beyond the reach of imagination.

Come to think of it, it’s not such a bad idea.

ETpro's avatar

I’d laugh out loud at such a waste of effort. But when you aren’t doing anything wrong, living in a glass house isn’t such a bad thing.

Val123's avatar

Soon after my daughter graduated from college in 2001, she was offered a job in Seattle, Wa. She drove there. Long ways from Kansas for a 23 year old. I worked for a wireless company then, in 01, when “cell phone” technology was relatively new. I snagged a good used “bag” phone for her, activated it, insisted she plug it in to her lighter, and while at work, over the next three days, called my techs every day, twice a day, to find out where my baby was on her journey. “She was last ‘seen’ on I5 at this point”....” Yes, we were in a long term, 23 year relationship at that point.

YARNLADY's avatar

When I’m using public transportation, such as the airplane, he tracks the progress, in case I need help. He showed me how to use the computer to do it.

He’s on his way home on the airplane right now, and I know exactly where it is, and I know that the flight he was originally scheduled on was cancelled, plus he e-mailed me about it.

Nullo's avatar

Some phones can be tracked on Google Maps. :D

Tenpinmaster's avatar

Well i’d be curious on why she would have the need to track my whereabouts. But if shes curious she can track all she wants.. I’m not gonna lie about where im going anywhere unless its to surprise her with a gift or something. Then I might sneak out a white lie for the greater good =D

Allie's avatar

@Val123 This past summer my friends and I went on a road trip to South Dakota from California. My mom was so worried so I enabled the GPS in my phone and taught her how to check it on her computer. I also took pictures with my phone and sent them to her in an e-mail with a note like “The view from ______.” She thought it was pretty cool to see places along my journey (and also a nice way of knowing I was still alive and ok).

daemonelson's avatar

@phil196662 Those are just the kinds of things I’d do. I doubt I could actually manifest anger over it.

Janka's avatar

It’s so difficult to imagine that my husband would do this without telling me that I can’t even start to think what my reaction would be in addition to being completely baffled. When it got through, I’d likely be angry. If he wants to track me, he should have the courtesy to at least ask first. (Can’t say if I’d say yes if he wanted to. Depends on why. For some weirdo art project? Sure, go ahead. To control my life? Screw him.)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery oh sure, whatever tickles your pickle

phil196662's avatar

@Allie ; Great way to document your trip, bridge by bridge and curve by curve…

liliesndaisies's avatar

Personally i would love to be tracked down.

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