How much is too much when it comes to Second chances? When is it Unforgiveable?

Phsycally punching me would do it in one. But otherwise, chance after chance after chance!` And it didn’t work!

I hear ya – I’ve given out so many chances to men over the years that I really have lost count.

However, I’ve gotten to the point now where it’s one strike, you’re out. Maybe it sounds harsh, but the fact is that I’ve been on the other side of the equation and know what it’s like to break up with someone… and if someone has any doubts about me at all, I would much rather move on.

@borderline_blonde thats very true – once you’ve been through it enough times – you just put your foot down lol, I’ve done it too.

Cheating would be one. Mostly, if our life goals are so different that he feels the need to sneak around and keep secrets from me about anything significant, it’s pretty much a waste of time.
Thank goodness I found my soulmate!! Married 20 years this August!

@LethalCupcake Definitely. I’ve noticed that the more times I go through it, the easier it becomes. I’m getting too old to deal with bs! :)

I gave too many second chances with my last relationship. I can’t and I won’t do that to myself again.
My unforgivable boundaries are hitting me, cheating and pushing me to do things I’m not really up for. And those are the ones I gave him multiple chances after. Stupid girl.

Sure, I’ve given old boyfriends second chances. Everyone hits speed bumps, but I think if you can work through them that’s a good thing.
If it got to a point where I couldn’t forgive him for something he did, then I think that would be the breaking up point. If I looked at him or thought about him and wasn’t happy when I did so, then I wouldn’t want to be in that relationship anymore. I don’t want to be with someone who makes me hurt when I think about things they did. They may genuinely be remorseful, but I don’t want to be unhappy forever because of something he did.
As it is now, after things I’ve bee through, things I won’t give second chances for are abuse and being unfaithful. I also reaaaaallly don’t like lairs and unreliable people, but who does?

I think a second chance is one chance too many. Maybe half a chance.

I currently get hit with “You don’t take our wedding vows seriously!” whenever I get fed up with something.

Cheating I have given 5–8 chances before for one of my ex boyfriends. If someone physically punched me I wouldn’t let them have any more chances after their first 2nd chance. Depends on the action, I believe in being a very forgiving person.

Do it once shame on you; but do it twice shame on me.

Basically, you screw up you have one more chance. Now, blow that chance and you can kiss your butt good-bye. I prefer not to waste my time holding onto “what if” ‘s..

With all that being said, physical harm is a no second chance situation. I won’t stand for that cowardly crap.

Illegal activity is possible to be a no second chance situation, depending on the activity. Killing someone, selling drugs, rape, abduction; the biggies I’d throw him out like a bag of doggie poo! Something like stealing or possession of drugs (weed in our case) are situations we would talk and work thorough. My Dad attempted to steal a company laptop when I was little. He lost his job and devastated my Mum, she stuck by him, they relocated their family (me and my little sister) moved to a little town, did community service and my sister and I we’re non the wiser. They just recently told us this past fall, it was a hard moment, because what he did drastically altered our lives up till then and we had no idea. But I was in awe of how my parents stuck together and pushed through as a team.

Anyways, I’m babbling! Summary, second chance is as much as I’ll ever give a person.

It’s easier said than done unless your in it!

I’m the first to hold my hand up and say it’s easy to judge from the outside looking in and have often judged my friends for ‘putting up’ with things I felt that I would not tolerate.

Admittedly I have now given my SO a second chance for something he has done that I know previously I would have advised a friend to end the relationship…as some of my friends have advised me. I have listened to the justification behind his actions and tried to understand where he was in his head at the time.

I am finding it difficult to get over the hurt but I’m trying to move on and build up the trust…however I am still in the early stages of giving him a ‘second chance’.

@All And if these people came back and claimed to make everything different? How would one get one last opportunity?

To me, there is no recovery from the loss of trust. Once that is gone, all the ‘second chances’ in the world won’t bring it back. Whatever was once there is dead. No amount of “i’ve changed” can bring it back. Time to move on.

Cheating tends to do it.

I give everyone a second chance but that is where the line is drawn. People take advantage of any chances after the second one, and my time is too precious to be wasted on people who obviously never cared enough.

I don’t believe I’ve ever been dumped for sleeping with someone else or any kind of abuse. I get dumped for wanting/needing too much.

I give second chances like crazy, no matter what they did. As long as they notice and are truly sorry and will never do it again. But, if they do it again after the second chance then im done with them, no matter what.

um, how about this – the past is the best predictor of the future.

People change. Most don’t.

What is your risk tolerance?

Second chances are the slippery slope to spouse abuse and worse.

Unforgiveables:
Infidelity
Abuse (emotional or physical)
Taking for granted
Secreting bad habits

I’ve given a 2nd chance and also a 3rd chance but neither of those was worth it.

I used to think infidelity would be a deal breaker, too, until it happened. Then I gave it another chance. I really hate myself for that.

So it looks like the resounding answer is cheating and physical abuse. I agree with a lot of you, and like a lot of you – wasted chances on people who didn’t deserve them. @ElleBee I have heard that saying my whole life – & I agree with it totally!

@Shield_of_Achilles: For me, giving one person a 2nd chance and giving another person about 3 didn’t have to do with them promising to make things different but to not be destructive anymore.

The first person I forgave of infidelity and though they never cheated again, I ended up leaving them because I could not forgive or forget and grew very cruel towards them to the point I didn’t find them attractive any longer and was so embittered and caught up in tearing them up inside. The 2nd person I forgave of emotional cruelty and bad habits because I thought I’d never in my past tried hard enough with anyone and I’d gone through so much already, I wanted to see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel which never came.

I give second chances to very few people
no one gets third ones.

If you still want to try and make it work, it’s up to you… how many chance’s you give doesnt matter if when you decide you’ve had enough it’s time to say no.

but speaking of chance i probably gave my ex boyfriend 50 chances….. that’s one relationship i won’t be going back to

The traditional wedding vow goes something like this: “I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

If you are going to get married and you use the typical marriage vows, then that says that chances have to be unlimited. Anything less, and you have made yourself a liar beofre your mate, your witnesses, the state and yourself.

If the guy hit me, tried to force things on me that would result in immediate dumping. I refuse to be put through any of that again. I had a controlling bf and I had spoken with him several times about it then one day he corned me demanding to know why I wasn’t home when he called. ( this wasn’t the first time but this one was forceful) I had given him far too many chances then I told him I was going to a wild sex party to shock him enough to let go of my arm which he was bruising. I yelled at him in the hallway in front of everyone and told him he was a control freak and to stay away from me, he got the message eventually that I meant it. So if I ever see signs of that I will give a second maybe third chance but no more.

@ETpro,If he’s loving and cherishing he’s not needing second chances and I can keep my vows.

@faye It’s up to each of us first to decide what vows we are willing to take, then further to decide whether we actually plan to abide by them once taken. But if you go for the typical ones, then “for better or for worse” doesn’t leave much wiggle room.

My point exactly, loving and cherishing is pretty plain talking. If we all did that we’d not need chance after chance.

If you’re unwilling to give chances then you’re not in love and shouldn’t have been married in the first place.

@faye Like I said, it’s up to you to decide the vows and then whether you will keep them once made. But my take on the vow is that worse is when you love them still but don’t get the favor returned. I’ve been living with that now for many years. She just barely tolerates me. I still love her but there is nothing short of getting fabulously wealthy I can do to get any real return love. I’d do that for her if I could figure out how.

Aah, I’m sorry it is that way. then she has broken her vows

I could give another person a chance but i would not be able to recover what was lost.

@ETpro yeah but in certain instances like violence and the such I wouldn’t care who the person made their vows in front – they better divorce.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Spousal violence left unchecked in any fashion tends to escalate and often ends very badly. If I were to get married again, that would be one thing I’d write into the vows. All bets are off if one acts out violently against the other.