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joy20's avatar

How do you get over a death with someone you were EXTREMELY close to?

Asked by joy20 (106points) January 20th, 2010

I don’t have much of a family. The blood relatives I have are very hurtful people and my grandpa was nothing like them. He truely was the greatest man I’ve ever known. He was a father figure to me and gave me as much love as the whole family could have given. I quit my job to take care of him for his last couple weeks. So, I was at the house when he passed. I am a usually a very cheery person and I feel depressed. I rarely cry and now I can cry at the slighest thought of him. I feel this deep whole within me and I don’t know what to do. I MISS HIM SO MUCH

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19 Answers

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@joy20, I am so sorry for your loss. It takes time for the hole to go away. You need to work through your grief. Sometimes journaling can help. Write down everything you remember about him, and everything that is special. Don’t feel like you can’t talk about him to others.

disturbed_broken's avatar

Time heals eventually.
It might take awihle but you have to learn how to deal with it.
I am very sorry for your loss.
I would suggest taking grieving classes or get some kind of support so you can deal with it in a healthy way.
Again I am very sorry and I hope in time it will get easier.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

You have my deepest sympathy. The process of grieving is painful and difficult but it can allow you to keep with you the best qualities of your grandpa and carry them with you in your life. You are a new member of a caring community who will respect your grief process and advise you when you seek advise. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote some excellent books about grieving including, “On Death and Dying”. This may help you understand the wild mixture of feelings you will experience in this process. Your feelings are valid. Don’t let other family members deny you your feelings.

Warmest thoughts for you,
Dr. Lawrence

ETpro's avatar

It takes a long time. The best thing you can do to honor his memory is to show the love he showed you to others who need it.

faye's avatar

How nice that you could be with him when he needed you. You’ll always have that.

augustlan's avatar

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. What you’re feeling is completely natural under the circumstances. Know that in time, this will get better. When I lost my Grandmother, it took several years before I could think of her and smile without crying. It will happen for you, too. {hugs} to you.

WCUBassBone1's avatar

I just recently lost my grandfather as well. Honestly, I’m still not fully over losing my other grandfather and my grandmother, and it’s been a year for one and 4 for the other. It’s really tough, but @disturbed_broken is right, time heals all wounds. As much as it’s typical to hear this, you just have to remember that they aren’t suffering now. You’re grieving, it’s alright to cry.

ETpro's avatar

I lost my daughter over 20 years ago unexpectedly. I avoided even mentioning it in my first answer because I still tear up just thinking about it, as I am doing right now. But even that pai dulls over time. She is not suffering. This I can take joy in.

liliesndaisies's avatar

My dad took care of my grandpa for two years. He quit his job to take care of him. His brothers and sisters were financially supporting him while he was at it but the i know the money was nothing compared to my dad’s compassion for his own father 24/7. When grandpa passed away my dad was shuttered and got depressed.

That was about 7 years ago and up to this day he cannot just easily talk about it. The sad moment when grandpa passed away has not been totally healed.

Give yourself a chance to grieve. When we let go of someone it is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that we are strong to let someone go.

autumn43's avatar

I’m so sorry for your loss, joy20. It is totally understandable that you feel the way you do. You are entitled! There is no timeframe for grief. Let yourself cry! Your grandfather sounded like a wonderful man and you were lucky to have him in your life. He was lucky to have you, as well.

ccrow's avatar

Oh, I’m so sorry… Time will help. Is there someone you can talk to about it? A close friend, maybe? It’s normal to feel the way you do right now. If you still feel this bad in a few months, though, you might want to see a doc about taking an antidepressant. Hang in there & remember how lucky you were to have had each other.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

This going to sound a little cold, but you don’t ever get over the loss of someone like that. I grew up with my favorite uncle always around, as well as my grandfather and father. Over the course of nine months, when I was 12, we lost all of them. Our family was very tight and a ton of people came to the house the night my father died. I didn’t want to see anyone that night. I wanted the world to go away, but I thank every one of them now. Just take each day at a time, and after awhile, it starts to get a little easier. Grab a few things that remind you of your grandfather and put them away. Don’t throw everything away but don’t try to remember too much at first. Over time, you’ll find yourself looking back at the memories, and while they’ll hurt at first, eventually you’ll be able to remember the good things with a smile. It’s a tough road, but it gets easier after awhile. Don’t be afraid to cry. You lost a lot because you had a lot. He sounds like a wonderful person, keep his memory with you.

BoBo1946's avatar

very sorry for you loss!

my experience, one day at a time! no majic formulas for the loss of a love one! wish there was….would send it too you!

take care!

ultimateego's avatar

it’s impossible. but if you JOIN them in death, then that’s a different story there.

Merriment's avatar

Honestly I don’t think we ever get “over” their death.

What happens instead is that the overwhelming pain of grief diminishes over time to a level that allows us to continue our own, forever altered, lives.

futurecheer_20's avatar

Okay none if these people know what they are talking about. I understand how you feel you may not think I do, but trust me I do. Iost my Grandaddy of a brain tumor in November, he was a huge part of my life and it took me a month or so to actually realize he is not coming back, If yo want more help from your grief, email me.

WCUBassBone1's avatar

@futurecheer_20 really? none of us know what we’re talking about? I’m 21 years old and I’ve been to 10 funerals, all of which have been close family members.

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