Why didn't I get a second date?
Asked by
MacMack (
8
)
January 28th, 2010
I went out on a date with a guy last week and had a very good time. We talked with a great deal of ease, we laughed, he complimented me throughout the evening (I was looking really cute that night too) and about half way through the date he said he wanted to kiss me. I’m not particularly comfortable with kissing someone I just met especially in a bar, but what the hell? I’m always so uptight; I let loose a bit. It progressed a bit further and he ended up rubbing my back and my sides…under my shirt. (I’m thinking do people do this on the first date? I must be quite out of the loop or a prude.) Since in no way was I going to end up sleeping with him that night, I told him we ought to be leaving when it reached that critical point of there being nothing left to eat or drink and his arm strongly around me looking me up and down. He walked me to my car, but not before kissing me (and by kissing, I mean KISSING) further along the street, on the corner, at my car, etc. I think I was a little overwhelmed by this and perhaps he sensed it (I would cut off the kisses when the walk signs were on), but I’m really not sure how common this practice is or what he should expect. Anyway, I went home rather wired, but by the next day, man, I started thinking about that strong hand on my back, the way he looked at me, his eyes, his soft lips, not to mention the fun we had, his generosity and quite frankly I began regretting that I cut off those kisses so early. I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I wrote him two nights later thanking him and telling him I had a great time, hoping it would start a conversation. I didn’t hear from him for another three long days when he wrote me a very nice note telling me that he was kind of seeing someone else (nothing serious yet, but…) and didn’t think he could start something with me too (in his defense, we had kind of been planning on getting together for about 2 months, in that time this other woman apparently showed up) and his life is kind of complicated, etc. He sounded very sincere. He said I was very sweet and very pretty and wished me luck… So what is it? Have I been played? Does this chick really exist and is life complicated? Did he really like me? Did he just want to see how far I’d go? Was I just not “into” him enough? Normally I would think “creep,” but there’s something about him I cannot shake and I keep thinking about him and his strong arms in the worst way. And he has no idea.
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
16 Answers
Well maybe he just didn’t like the first one?
He was trying to get some on the side. He would have slept with you if you let him, which you are lucky you didn’t.
He just wasn’t that into you.
but I’m really not sure how common this practice is or what he should expect
I’m not particularly comfortable with kissing someone I just met especially in a bar
I’m thinking do people do this on the first date? I must be quite out of the loop or a prude
You’re basing your perception of how much pressure a guy is putting on you by social standards!? If you were uncomfortable during the date with his activities, then something was wrong. Who cares what’s “expected”? Screw that. If he does something that you don’t like, make him stop. Stop trying to talk yourself out of the knowledge that he was behaving inappropriately and make sure you don’t put yourself in that situation again.
Forget dating some jerk – work on your self esteem.
I’m confused. You just met him in a bar, but you were planning on getting together with him for two months?
You’re so addicted with him. I meant he’s not the only guy on earth that can give you such feeling. You better choose truth than feeling. Try to investigate him in secret but never ask him to explain(he could lie all the time) if you still want to go on with him.
Sounds to me like the guy gave you your answer. He had planned to meet up with you, and he enjoyed your date and was attracted to you, but he is more interested in pursuing an exclusive relationship with this other person.
bad timing. just find someone else :)
well, i could be wrong, and the ’‘we had been planing to get together for 2 months’’ part would lead me to believe i probably am wrong on this, but everything else you have said suggests to me that he was looking for a one night stand.
maybe he wanted a one night stand with you before he moved on to this other girl. dunno, something dont seem right there.
He sounds like a player to me. This guy is not a gentleman, so just be glad you won’t (I hope) be wasting your time waiting around for him. There are MUCH better catches out there and you deserve better. Delete his number from your phone.
To me it seems “Fast Freddy” was just trying to get in your pants and you denied his advances which I say good for you. The fact that he now says he is warming up to another gal…kinda proves your instincts were correct in that not the right guy at the right time.
Always trust your instincts!!
Playboys, especially playboys in a bar, are a dime a dozen. you just met one that was overwhelming and wanted to get you in the sack for a one night stand. i can see this and now i hope you can see this. how do you know this person is not married and out for just a one night fling, while is wife is away? some people in bars are not trustworthy. i do not know what you felt or why you felt it, but you are better off now, than you could have been. i say mark this experience as just a night of learning something new. like i said, playboys are a dime a dozen. someone else is alway ready and willing to take his place. its up to you to control your mind and body.
Thank you all for your responses. I should point out that I DID NOT meet him at a bar (I’m sorry, I was a little confusing there, by “at a bar” I meant “in public”) but it was an official blind date. We had emailed back and forth for two months and chatted over the phone previously. So there was interest and some knowledge there to begin with. Then the interest grew… And then it just stopped. I’d also like to add that I recently came out of a very, very long relationship (I hadn’t told him) and I have had a few dates since but they’ve been very dry, peck-on-the-cheek situations that didn’t go anywhere. This one was the first guy in a long time that I actually liked and felt some chemistry. I just wondered if I was I out-of-touch with what happens on first dates that are going well or if I was being played.
@MacMack I have yet to see the memo that you are required to put out on a first date. I truly think he was trying to get some easy action. Again trust your instincts and a guy who really likes you and respects you will call for a second date.
This guy sounds so sleazy! You didn’t do anything wrong in this situation. Don’t regret anything.
Answer this question 
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.
Composing members:
0
