{NSFW} How do you help a rape victim in the longrun?

Be there for her, and go out of your way especially for her. In a situation like that, the biggest help is having a shoulder to lean and cry on.

That’s terrible, I’m sorry your girlfriend went through that.
I think just be there for her if she wants to talk, give her cuddles that don’t lead to sex, let her know you’re there for her. That’s what I’d want.

she’s never going to be the same. if your a good friend you’ll be pateint with her and eventually she will tell how to comfort her. perhaps taking a self defense class together could restore some emotional strength. i wish you both the best of luck.

hi again, glad to hear she is at least physically ok.

i have no real experience of this kind of thing first hand. but i would say and do this, roughly in this order:

- convince her its not her fault, she was just unlucky.

- tell her she is not worthless, she had no choice, fighting back could have got her hurt.

- tell her your feelings for her have not changed.

- tell her you will help her fight it as much as she wants and talk about it as much as she wants to.

- don’t talk about it if she does not want to at the time.

- put your arm on her back instead of hug her when she cries (unless she goes to hug you) get her a hot drink or something and then come back.

- dont talk about having sex until she does, but let her know that you are doing this and that you still find her attractive and will do it as soon as she wants to

- consider offering to pay for therapy or something, tell her you will come with her if she wants or she can go alone.

- try to put it behind you, talk about it only if she brings it up, if she says just forget it then do so.

and possibly…

depending on who she is and what she is like, at some point (in my unqualified opinion) i would consider possibly saying “stop making such a big deal out of it” this one though, could easy do more damage than good, and i would only use it if this rape thing starts to consume her and ruin her life.

@life_after_2012 totally agree on the self defense classes.

and the rest :)

Rape is not only a physical incident, but a mental and emotional one as well. Be available, strong, and understanding for her. Let her set the pace in your relationship and in any conversation about the rape. Don’t try to do everything for her, but encourage her to slowly take back control of her own life. This is your chance to display compassion and love to another human being who has been traumatized.

I suspect that the post traumatic stress disorder literature will have something to help you. She will probably be afraid of situations like the one in which she was raped. That will not go away without desensitization work. She may be afraid of a lot more things than before. On the list of things she may be afraid of might be men, in general. A good therapist will help. It’s hard to know what lurks underneath, unsaid.

So I would say that one of the things you can do is research this issue. Find out what is known about rape victims so you can be prepared for her to act in certain ways. They may also talk about things that can help rape victims recover. It will help you, too. For example, suppose the literature says the victim will lash out or withdraw from their loved ones. You’ll know about it, and you’ll be better able to cope with it.

These are just general guidelines, given without really knowing what happens. Knowledge is always helpful, I believe. Other than that, empathy is crucial.

That’s a very tough situation. Could you explain her “emotional baggage” in more detail please?
One thing that she may appreciate, is not talking about it, unless she brings it up. Don’t act any different around her. If you treat her like a victim, she will feel like a victim.

Since I’ve been in her position I can tell you exactly what to do. Just be there for her. After it happened to me, my boyfriend just made sure that I knew he was there for me. Tell her how it makes you feel, hoe angry and sad you are that it happened. Just tell her everything you feel about it and how you wished you could have prevented this from happening to her.

Be a friend.

Please take the time to read this article on rape.