Social Question

Coting's avatar

What do you do after having gay unprotected sex?

Asked by Coting (371points) February 5th, 2010

Just had sex with a random guy and we didn’t wear a condom. I’m in the UK what do I do ?

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78 Answers

slick44's avatar

should have thought of that before hand. get HIV tested.

skfinkel's avatar


timothykinney's avatar

You should be concerned that you might have an STD. You should consider getting tested now and again in 6 months.

You also shouldn’t have unprotected sex with anybody else until after your test results come back. Actually, don’t have sex with anybody at all until you know your status.

marinelife's avatar

Why did you do this? You go and get tested. And then you get tested again in six months.

Coting's avatar

Should I get a PEP test?

Blackberry's avatar

Uhhh, get tested and again in 6 months, and don’t have unprotected sex again…..

Mozart's avatar

Um? You should get tested for STD’s as soon as possible.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Get tested for aids now and again every six months until you smarten up. There is no excuse for such carelessness for gays or straights! Avoid any unprotected sex with any partner. If after a year, you are still HIV negative, then continue with safe sex until you have a monogamous relationship with another HIV negative partner.

Take care of yourself and protect your partners! I hope you did not contract anything from your lapse in judgment.

Haroot's avatar

All I can add to what has aready been said is try to contact him again. Find out if he’s got anything.

And hope the sex was good at least.

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

@Coting I believe a PEP test is to determine cancers in the body – so that’s not what you need – have your doctor test for STDs now and again in 6 months.

Coting's avatar

PEP – post exposure prophylaxis.

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

@Coting Ah – then this is a treatment, not a test – I’d bet it’s a good idea.

sweethottaco's avatar

I would suggest getting a colonic cleansing. Next time use a condom.

RandomMrdan's avatar

Wowsers, get tested, and again in six months

Silhouette's avatar

Wash my hands and brush my teeth.

deni's avatar

dont have sex with random people?!

SeventhSense's avatar

I would wonder what foreign entity had possessed my body because I’ve never considered man ass even in the realm of possibility…but that’s just me.
but not that there’s anything wrong with it as Jerry said

fireinthepriory's avatar

After calling a doc and setting up an appointment to get tested, go out and buy a ton of condoms. Put them in the pockets of all your coats and trousers. Then remember to use them.

Honestly, I highly doubt you got HIV. It was one time and the prevalence of HIV in the gay male population isn’t astronomical (although it is on the rise again, among younger gay men anyway, who didn’t witness the height of the AIDS pandemic). I wouldn’t place money on having gotten away scot free so do get tested, but if you got something it’s probably something curable like syphilis. But for your own sake don’t make a habit of it, ok? Unprotected sex just ain’t a good idea…

shilolo's avatar

As far as your immediate concerns, don’t listen to any of the answers above (sorry), except for those that mentioned post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP). Since another gay man who engages in unprotected sex has HIV risk factors by definition, you meet the criteria for a two-drug regimen to prevent HIV transmission. Here are the recommendations from the UK public health service. As for where to go to get this, I’m not familiar with the UK.

I’m an HIV doctor, FYI.

SeventhSense's avatar

Is there a doctor in the house? Oh yes there is an HIV specialist!

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

It’s easy:
1. Don’t panic.
2. Go see your doctor.
3. Tell your doctor honestly what happened.
4. Follow your doctor’s recommendations.

fireinthepriory's avatar

Thanks, @shilolo! I didn’t know that existed. Course I’m a lady, so I can’t have gay sex with a man. @Coting, definitely listen to Shilolo!!

Coting's avatar

Should I just turn up to A&E and say what happened as they’ll give it to me?

Response moderated
casheroo's avatar

@shilolo Are those drugs easily accessible? Sort of like the plan B pills, of course not without a prescription? What does a person have to do to get them, tell their doctor and just get a prescription? Are they expensive drugs. I’m really curious about this! I knew of medical professionals taking those sorts of meds, but it didn’t even cross my mind for anyone else.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I rejoice.Happy sex without security guards is lovely.

ubersiren's avatar

@frownyface Did you create an account just to leave an insult on this question? Do you have nothing better to do?

Response moderated
ubersiren's avatar


Response moderated
SeventhSense's avatar

Oh, for fuck’s sake…
That’s what got him in trouble in the first place :)
edit: @ubersiren
why step on a perfectly good joke by editing your entry?
joke blocker

Likeradar's avatar

@ubersiren he’s been flagged. don’t feed the poor attention seeking troll.

lilikoi's avatar

lol @ exhibitionist awards on a gay sex question :)

Response moderated
jrpowell's avatar

Can the mods do a ip check on frownyface’s comment? It would be nice to see if any share accounts.

MebiByte's avatar

Strange question, lots of attention

SeventhSense's avatar

Well I for one think your comment is swell.

ucme's avatar

Nice to see tolerance is alive & well. That was about as subtle as a house brick.

shilolo's avatar

@Coting I’m not 100% familiar with the UK medical system, but the short answer is Yes, you can go to the doctor and describe the situation. They should be familiar with post-exposure prophylaxis, and if not, should contact someone who does know. In the USA there is a national hotline for clinicians. In the UK, I found this website that can help, but a key principle is to seek medical attention as soon as possible (i.e. within 72h).

@casheroo Yes, the drugs are readily available with a prescription. There are guidelines for their use, which are evolving. But, sex with a known HIV positive person certainly qualifies, as does sex with someone with significant risk factors (men who have sex with men, IV drug users).

Now, this doesn’t eliminate your risks of other STDs, like Hepatitis B (get vaccinated), Hepatitis A (get vaccinated), gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HPV. Your best bet is to discuss this with your doctor, get tested, and practice safe sex in the future.

ubersiren's avatar

@SeventhSense Lol… I decided not to curse, for some reason.

SeventhSense's avatar

Fair enough..out there on a comedy limb sigh

casheroo's avatar

@shilolo Thanks for the information. So great that we have those medications. I wonder, do they give them to rape victims as well? (I know you aren’t an ER doctor, so you may not exactly know.)
And I would hope the OP would be getting HIV testing once a year, regardless of this experience. Heck, I’m married and get it done once a year. Everyone should.

shilolo's avatar

@casheroo Rape victims would only get the meds if it seemed like there was a reason to give them based on history. It isn’t an automatic that the OP would even get them. Clinical evaluation is warranted as I would need more information before making the decision to treat or not (you need to take the meds for a month, so it isn’t trivial).

filmfann's avatar

what would I do? Scream for the guard to give me a different cell.
What should you do? After realizing you just put your entire future in jeapardy? Eat a bunch of hot peppers.

Kayak8's avatar

Shilolo has it right. Just to be clear though, post exposure prophylaxis (PEP) was originally developed for healthcare professionals following an exposure (e.g, a needle stick). It is being recommended more and more frequently following a sexual exposure. As for testing, you could get tested now but if you are getting the most commonly used test, it will give you a sense of where you were three months ago or so. You can wait three months and have an antibody test for HIV but the key is to NOT DO ANYTHING RISKY IN THE MEANTIME. This is the part everyone frequently forgets.

The other point here is that “gay sex” really doesn’t tell me anything. Unprotected anal intercourse is the most risky behavior and oral can be significantly less so. Unprotected vaginal intercourse (for those with the equipment) falls somewhere in between. It depends on so many variables that it is just a lot safer to use protection regardless of the act.

asmonet's avatar

I have no words for this.

Berserker's avatar

Get to a clinic and get checked out as soon as possible.

Ask if they give out free condoms, too.

Violet's avatar

really?! you don’t know what to do??

Coting's avatar

Well only a few people here knew I should take PEP, even the nurse I spoke to on the phone didn’t know.

Violet's avatar

@Coting so you knew to go in and get an STD check?

Coting's avatar

I knew that of course, that’s the first think I thought of but I was wondering is there anything else I could do.

shilolo's avatar

@Coting It sounds like you got the help you needed. Don’t let those with judgmental attitudes affect how you proceed. People make mistakes (as you have), and therefore should be treated humanely irrespective of the incident. I’m saddened by many of the comments here, and more so, by the fact that they seem so prevalent.

That said, it remains much more prudent to practice safe sex, whether it’s with other men, or with women, or both. You never know who and how many people your current (or next) partner has been with.

Violet's avatar

@Coting why did you have unprotected sex in the first place? What are you going to do if you have herpes, or HIV?

shilolo's avatar

@Violet Have you ever heard the phrase “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” People make mistakes. It happens. People get lung cancer from smoking too much, or liver disease from drinking too much, or herpes from kissing a few too many people, or pregnant when a condom breaks (or when they skip their birth control pill). Medicine is rife with situations like this. Each of these people is treated humanely, and with respect, and you would do well to consider the quote “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

Coting's avatar

I’m disappointed in myself Voilet. I’ve left off sex for a long time and I’m normally quite prudent, this was a huge laps of judgement due to nervousness, being under pressure, plus the whole situation. That’s no excuse I know and I want to be treated bad for what I did so other people are less likely to do it.

Violet's avatar

@shilolo And you comment to me was nice? Take your own advice. I asked 2 simple questions. I wasn’t judging or being rude, I was just wondering.
@Coting pressure? were you pressured to have sex or was it pressure you put on yourself?

Coting's avatar

It was just the whole situation, I’m not really going to go into it.

Berserker's avatar

@Coting Don’t worry about it, just get to a clinic and get some blood samples taken, or whatever else is needed to detect STD’s. Soon. Like right now.

Violet's avatar

@shilolo why did you edit your comment? And do you think I’m going to listen to any quote with the word god in it?

rangerr's avatar

@Violet Would you please just be quiet? Shilolo, unlike you, knows what they are talking about. You ARE being rude.

shilolo's avatar

@Violet The God part is irrelevant to the quote (which you clearly don’t understand). The quote’s meaning is that bad things can happen to anyone, at any time (i.e. fate’s hands are random). All I edited was that I said you were being rude and that I encouraged you to be nice. I don’t think that is inaccurate, but I felt the quote made the point in a more subtle way.

Violet's avatar

@rangerr you should take shilolo’s advice too: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” and how exactly am I being rude?? I think you are the only rude one. How is it that I don’t know what I am talking about. I was asking questions..

mote's avatar

To me, many of the responses in this thread smack of an insidious form of bigotry. If the OP had been a woman, we would have seen a number of sensitive responses about planning ahead, being more cautious and Plan B. However, the OP is a man reporting sex with another man, and suddenly we see a number of “WTF?! What were you thinking? Why? Ew, STDs.” It seems that the OP was genuinely seeking help but in return received – with rare exceptions – scorn (likely stemming from this being gay sex, and not heterosexual sex).

Violet's avatar

@Coting sorry, I don’t want you to talk about anything that would make you uncomfortable. May I suggest talking to a counselor? It seems like this is more than a biological issue.

Coting's avatar

I had sex for the wrong reasons that all, I don’t need counselling.

Violet's avatar

@Coting oh ok. I wasn’t trying to be rude when I suggested counseling. You comment just worried me, that’s all

Coting's avatar

I was just under pressure at the time and my judgement became lapsed.

I do think gay men should be more careful as STI’s are more prolific in the gay community, well I think. But yes there were a few derogative comments.

Violet's avatar

@Coting if you see derogative comments, they should be flagged. And only HIV/AIDS is higher among gay men in the US (actually the census only covers about 34 states)

Coting's avatar

Just went to A&E and they said I could only get PEP at the GP and I will have to make an appointment on Monday. Even thought this only works three days after having sex!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Coting I’m sure you’re feeling stressed out – tell a friend about this and help them be there for you – I know the feeling.

Irishmar's avatar

You can’t be serious!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

For that to happen I would have had to be alseep, once I woke up I would have to kill the person who done it to me then drink a nice tea of hemlock and go to the sweet by and by.

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central…Would you feel the same way if you were asleep and had unprotected straight sex?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@JeanPaulSartre That would depend on if it were my fiancee and if not her who the woman was, but no matter how slinky and hot she still may get slapped to the middle of the week after next.

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