(nsfw) I need some advice on cunnilingus...

Clitoral stimulation, but not right away, you have to work your way there.

Every woman is different, some can orgasm from penetration, some from clitoral stimulation, so it depends on exactly what your woman likes, some like clitoral stimulation and a finger or two, some like a whole hand….there’s a lot of different combos so you have to figure out what your woman likes.

Why is this question in my Questions for you?

Every woman is different; every woman likes it a little differently. The best, fastest and most efficient way is to talk with your partner and take it step by step. You do not have to figure this out alone.

In my experience, slow and wandering works best in the beginning. Explore her parts; taste them and stimulate them slowly. If you want to get a hand in there, go for it, but do it slowly and judge the girl’s enjoyment before you plunge into a full on fingerbang. As you work this, you can judge how much penetration the girl enjoys, and keep her happy. As she starts to get worked up, your meandering has to end, and methodical, repetitive clitoral stimulation will usually bring her over the top.

You can change up your moves as much as you want, and every girl is different in her likes and dislikes. Feel her out, but take your time and try to enjoy yourself.

Give her the shocker…. Two in the front, one in the butt
The diagram explains:
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My advice is to cut a “v” slice in a peach and then try to remove the pit with your tongue. Builds strength and stamina both of which you will need. It will be the best peach you’ve ever eaten.

you’ll figure it out. don’t put pressure on your self. just don’t chew on it. remember poontang is one of the greatest gifts to men, so treat it that way.

Maybe your lady can help you by explaining her “turn ons” in oral sex. In general, don’t head straight for the clitoris. Remember that the clitoris is not self-lubricating, so take this into account if using a dental dam (water or other lube underneath). Gentle stimulation of inner thighs, outer and inner lips, Observe her reactions, when she’s ready for direct clitoral stimulation, you’ll both know it. Be gentle, like a nipple. Find her rhythm and intensity. Experiment with simultaneous stroking of her G-spot (some like one finger, others like two). Once you’ve established the right stimulation and rhythm, don’t stop until she climaxes. Then let her down easily, lots of cuddling and holding. She may want to “go again” fairly quickly, so be ready for it. Conentrate on HER, not what you hope to get later.

Just a few disjointed pointers from a guy who was lucky enough to have truly satisfied my lady in this area. Remember that communication is key to all. Lots of ladies have vastly different preferences and trigger points. Have fun!

@Smashley: are you busy later? ~

Start slowly, tasting this and that, exploring each bit of her (it is all delicious), while looking up at her face (oh this is such a turn on)... her face shall say without words if you are doing it right.

Go from there, exploring more, still watching. If her face shows less delight than the last place, you know the last place was better. Do not stay in one place all the time unless she is really going… build up feelings in her all over.

Penetrate with your tongue, get your fingers in there, change rhythms from slow to fast, suck on her clitoris. Flick her clitoris with your tongue, then suck.

Do not be shy to ask her to direct you. Her hands in your hair directing you is… yummy for both. Encourage her to tell you more of what she likes.

I also have good reactions if I turn my head to kiss her inner thigh every now and then. Do not be afraid to let your hands stray, say, up to her nipples then exploring the rest of her body as well.

Take your time, watch her reactions and you both will have a, to put it mildly, marvelous experience.

Oh do not go at it like a Great Dane who has not seen you in a hundred years. “Lap lap lap,” unless she likes that, is not as good as tiny motions, exploration, and creativity.

So many good answers here. @Arisztid said it right – “tiny motions, exploration, and creativity” are wonderful approaches. Patience is necessary. You’re not just pushing her to climax. You’re discovering what makes her tick, and maybe you’re helping her discover these things, too. Have fun!

@Arisztid you should be a writter.

“Oh do not go at it like a Great Dane who has not seen you in a hundred years. “Lap lap lap,”

ROFLAMOCOPTER. My Great Dane does that

@shadling21 and @life_after_2012 Thankyou very much. :D

This is definitely a discovery process as @shadling21 said… there is no hurry.

@FlutherNOW I do not have a Great Dane but I have had exactly that from various dogs, including a Great Dane. YYYYYuuuuuuckkkkkk!

This Q is Colossal Squid bait if I ever saw it.

Can’t add much more other than when she says “don’t stop” or “keep doing that” – that is exactly what she means. Keep doing that. Don’t get excited and start going faster or move to a different spot or pause to take a breath. Do Not Change Anything

Nothing is more frustrating than to get thisclose and have you screw it up at the end because you didn’t listen. lol

This is slightly off-topic, but I feel ethically bound to raise this issue. PTSD triggers can resemble pre-orgasm, especially if you are combining oral sex with bondage. If you know or suspect that your lady has PTSD, you must be especially careful and communicative. It takes time, love and empathy to tell the difference. In my lady’s case it was breathing patterns and flushing (color). Pre-orgasm, she would begin flushing and deep-rapid breathing. In PTSD, she would be rapid-shallow breathing and start to go shocky-pale.

It took me some time to learn this distinction, but once you recognise the symptons, you can head off a full-blown trigger episode by acting quickly. Get rid of the bondage ASAP (we used cuffs with industrial velcro; rip, rip, she’s out, no keys, knots or knives to fool with) and go into soothing reassurance mode.

@Arisztid s comments are superb, especially about communicating and observing. His “Great Dane” analogy is hilarious. Experiment with intensity, rhythm, penetration and never frustrate her by trying to rush the process. This is her time. One orgasm is seldom enough. Remember guys that she can go again and again with interludes of cuddling and “bringing down gently”. Sometimes just slowing down a bit after climax will set her up for another one, a whole series sometimes. Remember: observe and communicate.

A lot of good answers here..
What I find is most important to emphasise is about feeling, and togetherness:

Your body knows what to do, Sex is a bodily action, you know what to do just as a baby knows how to breastfeed straight away as it comes out of the womb.

Having said that there are only two rules of importance:

1/ you are not supposed to have a method , or*know* what she would like, but to learn it:
try to do as you feel whilst constantly paying attention to her responses, see what she likes, and do more of that, be attentive, feel, explore, and check her feedback.

2/ you can communicate: again you don’t have to know or guess what she likes, you can ask her, open up the possibility for her to guide you and follow her guide.
Sex is something that you do together it is not about you satisfying her or vice versa. It is about sharing something as opposed to a mutual demonstration of capabilities.

you should never do this you will go to hell !!!

@Marva GA. Sharing, not a skills demonstration. The loving feedback you recieve is as gratifying as an orgasm yourself. You are sharing an act of love.

@embarrased: Honesty. If your a beginner she’s probably not that experienced. Tell her your not experienced and ask her to tell you what feels best.
@stranger_in_a_strange_land How are you doing today?

@Adirondackwannabe I was down on my meds and acting badly, my apologies. I’ll PM with details if you’d like.

@germanmannn I’ll go to hell to please my woman lol.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Fantastic point to bring up that some guys who are new to lovemaking forget: women have multiple orgasms. This fun can go on for hours if done right.

A point about that: some inexperienced guys who know that women have multiple orgasms barrel ahead after the first climax. She is very sensitive after that and doing this will most likely result in her shoving you away in pain. This from @stranger_in_a_strange_land is excellent advice:

“Remember guys that she can go again and again with interludes of cuddling and “bringing down gently”. Sometimes just slowing down a bit after climax will set her up for another one, a whole series sometimes”

Watching for negative triggers as he said is also very important.

Could you PM me too with how you are doing?

@Marva All very true.

@Blackberry Ditto.

I’m a multi-orgasmic female and if I come during oral and then my partner moves to cuddling, caressing and kissing on me for a bit before we move into penetration, I’m good to have more orgasms. It’s totally true a little cool down and then re fire works wonders!

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Glad your doing better. Here’s how much of a dinosuar I am. I haven’t used the PM stuff yet.

Thanks so much, guys! I’m feeling pretty good about this

@embarassed: And contrary to the advice of some writers here, you do NOT need serious pre-event training. It’s much more fun than playing tennis or golf, also.

Have her lay on her back with her legs spread. You lay in between her legs and press your mouth to her twat. Stick your tongue into her pussy lips and lick up and down a few times until you find her clit. It’s good to pause to tongue-fuck her vagina for a minute for a warm-up. Then go find her clit. It’s the tiny little bump at the front (the top from your vantage) of her twat. Suck it gently into your mouth and use your breath the slide it in and out rhythmically. Don’t change the pace (like you would want a girl to give you a BJ). Changing the pace is distracting and delays the orgasm (which is good to know if you discover she tends to come quickly). Just keep doing that in a steady in-out-in-out motion until she explodes (could take several minutes). Then continue exactly the same pace while she’s coming until she can’t take it any more and tells you to stop. At that point, her clit will have become hyper-sensitive to touch, so stop and just hold it still in your mouth while she comes down.

Now she’s well-lubricated for your turn :-)

Also remember that women, unlike men, can orgasm again and again and again. So do it for her AGAIN later…

When I was a lad, I would have appreciated the chance to ask a question like this but I grew up before the age of computer. That would be when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, of course. When I pleasured my first girlfriend this way I would have felt much more confident had I gotten advice. I think that I would have been better at it. After all, experience really makes a difference.

Yes, you do not need pre-event training but it would have been nice for me and I would not have been nearly as nervous.

That being said, even though I did not get pre-event advice, it just came natural for us. Luckily she was not shy of grabbing my hair (I really like that) and directing me. She was also very reactive and in NO way inhibited in showing it (oh boy I like that too). I do not know if @embarassed ‘s girlfriend is going to be as comfortable doing that as mine was. I have been with ladies who are a bit more inhibited in showing their pleasure compared to my first was and, had I been with an inhibited young lady as my first, it would have been harder for me to be a “hit.”

Oh not all women like the same thing or even the same thing all the time. That is one of the joys of discovery and where communication and observation comes in.

@embarassed You are eager and looking forward to this. I will bet that you are quite the hit. ;)

The dinosaur crack reminded me of something else. The most important thing is to remember to be gentle as you start. You can do it harder if she likes it, but don’t start with rough. You’re working in a very sensitive area and I think guys usually like a firmer approach. Ask her if its too hard and go by her answers. I was guilty of too rough when I first started. Hey us old guys should get a cut of the action for helping the beginners when we had to learn the hard way.

ummm… is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

I could not have given better instructions myself.
You men all have lucky women in your lives. ;)

mmmmmmm… hmmmmm… errrrrmmmmm… hrmmmmmm…. ymmmmmmm.

Thinking about it, that works much better if you can see what I’m doing.

@HungryGuy; I’m not a smoker but you made me take a few puffs! On behalf of all the women who read your instructions and had a personal “moment”, thank you! Whew!!

@simplicity….well I certainly can imagine what you’re doing….sloppy chops :-)

@TLRobinson – I’m glad to be of service to the ladies :-p

I need to print this page and have potentials read it first!!! jk

Given a choice between Hungryguy and Arisztid, I’ll take Arisztid. (and not just because I have him already). I prefer a bit more maturity, and to me, that means less vulgarity. Not much turns me off faster than a person using vulgarity in an attempt to be sexy.

I wish to emphasize one thing. All women are different. What works for one, does not for another, and is ok to a third. Best thing to do, ask her what she likes the best. Then use that as a basic guide… an outline if you will. Flesh out that outline with your own exploration, using her expression and actions as a review for how you are doing.

Don’t do the same thing every time. What may blow her mind the first time or two will get old, real, real fast, unless she has no creativity at all.

Lastly, don’t use the advice here as anything more than a guild. A very basic guide. If you are uncomfortable doing something, it will show. And the type of woman that would want you doing something that makes you uncomfortable may not be the type of woman you really want to be with… unless you like being submissive.

Sorry, @Keysha, but it’s hard to give step-by-step instructions on how to perform any sex act without coming across as vulgar. Describing it in polite flowery metaphors may be more “mature,” but that won’t tell someone who’s never done it how to do it; it’ll just leave him as clueless as before. And he did ask for techniques, after all…

@HungryGuy I did not say everyone felt that way, I specifically said no two women are the same. I grew up with older parents that never used words like that. I find them a huge turnoff. To me, those that use them seem younger than I like. I do not mean mature as in mentally better than another, but as in older and seen more.

There are many women that like that sort of thing. I’m not one of them. That is what I was trying to point out.

@Keysha – I agree. My advice was a starting point…a tutorial on how to do it the very first time. Of course, he should learn over time what techniques his girlfriend likes and develop his own technique. I trust he already understands that based on what others’ have previously said.

And as for the “vulgar” words I used…well, again, it’s hard to describe sexual acts and techniques without using words for the naughty bits. Maybe people of older (and younger) generations use different words that they find less offensive…I dunno…I used the words I know… Again, sorry if I offended :-)

Don’t be sloppy. Even if you don’t know what you are doing, act like you do. Watch some porn and see how those men/women do it. Start slow, and always focus on the clit. If you feel you are able, you can use your fingers a little bit but don’t let that distract you from your tongue’s job. Once you practice enough, see if you can lick and finger at the same time.

Make sure you truly understand the female anatomy precisely.

If you can’t locate the clitoris with absolute certainty, ask your lover for a guided tour so you can be well prepared to please her. There is no shame in wanting to learn. It is far better than poking and prodding at the urethra instead of the clitoris!

As @Keysha says, variation is important. There is no standard Manual of Arms for cunnilingus, especially in the preparatory part. My lady liked a lot of “teasing” with lips, tongue and fingers starting actually quite far away from her genitalia.

As @Dr_Lawrence indicates, knowledge of the anatomy is crucial. If niether of you are sure (it’s possible!), there are several websites that offer tasteful diagrams and drawings to orient you to the “anatomy of Venus”. Diagrams are better than photographs, IMHO, since ladies anatomies vary somewhat and a well-labelled diagram is less confusing than a photograph.

As @Violet states, the tongue is your primary instrument. Lips and fingers come into play as your confidence and her desires direct. Violet is correct that your focus should be on her clitoris, but don’t head there immediately. She has to be ready for that first and that will be apparant when the clitoris emerges from her “sheath”, even then start gently. Think “nipple”.

When you begin to add fingering, remember that the G-spot location varies almost for each lady. Usually 2–3” in, alongside or surrounding the urethra. Stroking with one or two fingers, experiment with pressure and rhythm. Combining this with cunnilingus is something you have to learn to coordinate. Don’t forget what your tongue and lips are doing.

Anal play is another advanced area that some ladies love, some detest and others are so delicate that injury is a real possibility. Only approach this with great caution, and NEVER introduce anything that has been placed in her anus into her vagina unless it has been sterilized first (including and especially your fingers and sex organ). Infections are nasty.

It may seem to take away from spontaneity, but discussion beforehand can prevent much disappointment. Once you both know the basics, then you can experiment and add “spices” to the experience; bondage, little nips with the teeth, toys, etc.

Use all your senses; aroma, taste, feel, appearance and most especially your hearing. Listen to what she is telling you, not only in words but breathing patterns, moans, purrs, etc. What you ate for dinner, time of the month and state of arousal will vastly affect taste and aroma; think of the experience as a feast, each session as a new course to be experienced and savored.

And the winner is- @stranger_in_a_strange_land!!

@TLRobinson Thanks, but I’m really just summarizing what others have said. This thread is a classic example of what Fluther is all about; the knowledge and experience of the collective.

Hey, I’m still waiting for my cut of the action.

@Adirondackwannabe: Eat a Peach ;p

@hungryhungryhortence As long as its not a donut.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Do not sell yourself short, that was a fantastic answer all the way around, you touching on aspects that have not been discussed yet..

I have found over the years that most of the ladies I have been with prefer teasing as well… when it is done right. Some prefer to get straight to it but most, in my experience, prefer a bit, to a lot, of teasing. That includes Keysha. :)

@hungryhungryhortence I wish that I had known about that “peach exercise” 15 years ago. LOL.

Hey guys. I had a question. Are we giving these youngsters too much information? These are all excellent instructions, but if we turn loose a group of sex crazed youngsters with this level of knowledge, are we doing any harm? When I was in my teens and early twenties, if I had known what I know now, I’d probably be dead from a STD or something.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land – Yes, excellent supplemental advice. Especially the warning about anal/vagina insertion. And the teasing—its interesting how men and women are different in that way…women love to be teased, and men hate being teased.

@Adirondackwannabe – Yeah, youre right, too. Hey @embarassed! Wear a rubber while you’re at it…

I’d be dead, but I’d have a huge grin on my face for eternity.

@Adirondackwannabe Dental dams and latex gloves (and lubricant) unless you are in a committed exclusive relationship. Sex 101. We were part of a three-way, but equally committed and exclusive.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I like the feel and taste too much. No protection for me. I know that’s not smart, but I’m all or nothing, so that’s why I’d be at risk. How are you doing today?

@Adirondackwannabe doing better, but still confused and hurt over this soap-opera drama. I didn’t use protection either, but was in an exclusive relationship. I’m retired from the “game” now. Just reminiscing and trying to pass on a few tips.

Tongue and fingers is very good and very sensitive, shame I don’t get to feel it for too long, it’s just too good.

@Dibley You need to train your guy a bit. Maybe print out this thread for him?

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I think he needs to train me to calm down a bit!

@Dibley Just the opposite. He should do you to exhaustion, let you rest for a bit and do you again.

@Adirondackwannabe and again and again and again and again, oops forgot to rest.

@Dibley That’s one thing I envy about women. You can go over and over. Men have that damned refractory period.

@Dibley Maybe he needs to tie you down to hold you still. He might be having trouble with a moving target?

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Now that appeals to me very very much.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, @Dibley, Can we get a web cam set up and sell tickets.

@Adirondackwannabe Who says I haven’t already!

@Dibley That’s something you could send.

@Adirondackwannabe I’ve got nothing to do with this (other than advice). I want @Dibley to have a good time, but I don’t want to intrude on her privacy.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I wasn’t serious. I’m just kidding around with her. I should have given you a heads up before I sent that.

@Adirondackwannabe no harm, no foul :^)

@Adirondackwannabe Isn’t the whole point to be heads down!!

Definitely. Dibs, you’ve got some pretty good friends looking out for you. I nearly got called out for dissing you.

@Adirondackwannabe Then don’t diss me!

@Dibley But its so much fun.

@Adirondackwannabe I’ll be calling you out soon!!!!!

@Dibley Trying to get me in trouble with the moderators again?

@Adirondackwannabe No, your getting off subject, and your dissing me, what do you want me to say “please carry on”? I won’t, you may be tall but I can stand on a step or two or three and slap you.!

@Dibley With your thigh high leather boots and a leather bikini?

@Adirondackwannabe and my whip.

@Dibley Okay. Now I’m definately interested. What buttons of yours should I push?

…Wow.

@Adirondackwannabe The right ones for a start!

Getting back to topic, before we are told off , get your girl to sit on your face, if you are unsure and then she can move herself.

@Dibley I surrender

@Dibley I hate sitting on my man’s face. It doesn’t feel sexy to me. But yehhhh go ahead, try it.

@shadling21 It’s if he’s not very experienced.

The face-sitting pins him down, but doesn’t give him much maneuvering room. I preferred to prop my lady up on a throne of pillows. With the elevation and angles right, we could go comfortably for hours.

Hey, if I’m going to be pinned down by something, it might as well be this way. I could think of a lot worse things to be pinned down by. Garbage truck on a hot day, Large sweaty fat man, an overturned farm tractor. No. this is sounding better all the time.

@Adirondackwannabe got pinned by a John Deere once, not fun.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Your in the lucky to be still kicking category. I grew up on a dairy farm and we’re all in the why do we still have all our limbs category.

@Adirondackwannabe I learned the hard way at age 12 not to drive cross-grade on a hillside

We didn’t have much choice. Our one farm was all hill. I hit a woodchuck hole with the downhill front wheel and I got the thrill of watching the uphill tire come a foot off the ground. You get the “this is going to be so ugly” thought in your mind. I was lucky it went down rather than up.

I just hope your not like 13 or something…...for god sakes

@Irishmar Is that directed at me?

So you have probably already discovered that there are as many approaches as there are tastes in receiving. I will describe my favorite. Normally beginning somewhere further away from the final destination, the inner thigh just a few inches up from the knee seems to work well. The tip of the tongue seems to create a very nice sensation as it is run along the skin up the leg. This seems to work best if both sides get some attention. Then the crease where the leg bends at the top (where the legs meets the hip), I find that paling the tongue flat against that area for a few long licks produces quite a reaction. Next I situate myself to allow my tongue and neck to be able to move through their full ranges of motion as I move up between the legs (I find that there is less tiring when I can move both tongue and neck easily). A few long licks with the flat surface against the entire area comes next. With each stroke I allow my tongue to become less flat and more pointed. This by nature means it starts to slide between and into what is in front of it. Now for me the real key comes next. Each of those first few strokes is long and slow and you have to pay attention to the reactions to all of the areas contacted. Most of the time you can find where the sweet spot will be for later with this one simple effort. From here on out I don’t think anytime is the same. Sometimes only the tongue comes into play, sometimes a finger and the tongue, sometimes the whole mouth and the tongue. It really depends on the mood we are in. But paying attention to the response is going to make all the difference in the world. It has been my experience that if the goal is to get to climax, at some point finding “the thing” and doing that with a good rhythm succeeds very often.

@sleepdoc Wow, you really have thought about that, I’m picturing you with a pen and paper writing that down as you go along.

@Dibley .. I don’t have to do it as I go along… just think back to last time.

Ummm..(clearing throat). @sleepydoc- quite a visual..

@sleepdoc Hot.

@sleepdoc +GA. You’re writing style captures the sensual aspect so well. Re: inner thighs; sometimes just breath alone stimulates. A mink mitten or a soft lens-cleaning brush work nicely as well.

Geez
@sleepdoc fans self

@stranger_in_a_strange_land mink mitten, oh my!

@wilma A furriers remnant sewn up as a mitten. Really got her purring.

I bet that would work well on either partner.

@Adirondackwannabe It certainly did!

@sleepdoc So, how’s that 1–900 number coming along?