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PhillyCheese's avatar

How do I find out if my friend's parents are divorced?

Asked by PhillyCheese (655points) February 7th, 2010

She brings up her mom in conversations but never really mentions her dad. Whenever I converse with her mom, her mom occasionally refers to him as “_____’s dad…”.
The reason why I’m asking is because I’d like to avoid opening any emotional wounds by mentioning something about Fathers Day or something similar along those lines.
I’m interested in this girl, if that really matters.

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14 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

As someone who had a very difficult time in high school explaining why I lived with my sister and where my parents were I would avoid asking to many questions. My mom was in jail for killing my father.

Really, don’t ask questions. Wait for them to be comfortable telling you.

Likeradar's avatar

Lots and lots of people have divorced parents. If this is someone you have a nice friendship with, I see no issue with nicely flat out asking. It doesn’t need to be in reference to Father’s Day or any big event. If she gets emotional, be supportive and don’t push the issue.

edit: Maybe you should listen to @johnpowell instead of me.

PhillyCheese's avatar

@johnpowell you’re right. Maybe its best for me to wait until she feels comfortable telling me.

Chikipi's avatar

Are you thinking it’s a recent divorce? I don’t think her parents relationship should be an issue at hand. Relationships and getting to know one another always seems to have it’s own course. I think eventually as the relationship grows you’ll find out more.

My parents were divorced when I was little, but I don’t have any issues talking about either of my parents.

If you feel this is something important to know (which I don’t), but I would bring up by saying something like I am close to my parents…talk about it is small detail then ask a brief open ended question such as are you close to your parents? If she is uncomfortable talking about it she will probably be brief. Quick!!! New topic!!

Oxymoron's avatar

Just ask her. If she’s uncomfortable with it, then leave it alone until she is ready to talk. Maybe ask her mom?

Jeruba's avatar

Now that you’ve been duly warned to be cautious and sensitive, I don’t honestly see anything wrong with your saying something like “I never hear you say anything about your dad”—a statement, not a question. If she just says, “You’re right, you don’t,” that’s a clear message to drop it. Obviously the subject is not altogether taboo if her mother mentions him. But you should take the cue and back off if she doesn’t want to talk.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Ask her what her relationship’s like with her dad. That’s really more important than whether or not her parents are divorced.

odali's avatar

@PhillyCheese I agree with @johnpowell .. if she wants to tell you, she will. Wait for her to be comfortable enough to speak to you about it… Why is it that important anyway?

Sophief's avatar

“Hi, are your parents divorced”

AnetM's avatar

If you don’t want to aske you friend directly, ask anyone else, who may know, or search for their divorce records.

thriftymaid's avatar

You are over thinking this. If this is really a friend, just ask. If you aren’t close to her, think of it as none of your business.

Merriment's avatar

I wouldn’t be so careful to avoid reopening emotional wounds on this girl…after all if things worked out you could find yourself married to those emotional wounds. May as well know their depth before rather than after.

I’d just ask her. “Are your parents divorced”?

Divorce is my bet because the “______’s dad” is the standard substitute for “that bastard I used to be married to”

PhillyCheese's avatar

We are getting pretty close. It’s probably not my business anyways. Thanks guys, I think I’ll just leave it be for now, and wait for her to open up to me about it.

Irishmar's avatar

I would think if he/she is your friend that u could simply ask them. It’s not like its so terrible these days and not embarrassing, to me anyway.

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