Social Question

Alchemist's avatar

My gf is Christian. I am a atheist. Can we still date?

Asked by Alchemist (68points) February 7th, 2010

We really like each other. I am ok with her beliefs. She is ok with mine. But lots of ppl say what we do is wrong.

Can we still date? I really like her.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

47 Answers

janbb's avatar

Of course you can. How old are you? If you decide to marry and have childen at some point, it will cause friction, but you can work through that if you want to.

Likeradar's avatar

You don’t need to be exactly alike the person you date- you just have to be respectful of your differences.
I’m assuming you’re pretty young, which might complicate things since it will be helpful but not necessary if your parents approve.

JONESGH's avatar

Of course you can. I’m in the exact same situation.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Can you? that’s all you need to go on – if the two of you are fine with it, then it’s possible, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what others say.

SeventhSense's avatar

The only one to answer this question is you and your girlfriend.

Sarcasm's avatar

That’s up to you two to figure out.
You’ll find that you two will most likely differ on a lot of political stances (e.g. It’s a lot more common for Atheists to be pro-choice, and Theists to be pro-life). If you realize that you two are radically different in so many ways, it may be obvious to you that the relationship isn’t worth it.

Personally, my hypothetical girlfriend’s religion isn’t what matters to me, but rather the beliefs she holds in regards to issues like gay marriage.

Oxymoron's avatar

You can date, sure, but I wouldn’t really do it if you see something more serious than dating. Religion is one of those things that should be agreed upon before marriage or anything.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

No. Send her my way; I’ll convert her for you.

Likeradar's avatar

@Oxymoron “Religion is one of those things that should be agreed upon before marriage or anything.” I respectfully disagree. I think the important thing is mutual acceptance and respect. Agreeing how to raise children is important, I think, but agreeing on one religion for the two people to share? Nah. Not necessary.

Oxymoron's avatar

@Likeradar – That’s agree with that. I guess I should have added in that I meant if children were in the future. Whoops, ha ha.

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

Totally depends. I mean, if you are both fine with each other then it’s fine. I wonder, long term, if one of you will convert… but that’s neither here nor there.

john65pennington's avatar

Happy now, unhappy later. your beliefs will keep you apart. it has not worked in the past and i do not see how your situation is any different.

phoebusg's avatar

Yes. Absolutely, in fact this can be good for you. Learning to agree on disagreeing. Not everyone has to share our view. I’m alsot atheist, a “spiritual” atheist (not in the christian sense of spiritual, I just like to think about the world, and how I connect to it physically). But to the point, most definitely. Accept any position – politely make yours known – and be friends or in this case lovers.

Best of luck m8 :)

PS: As far as the children, I always state my case, that they should get to decide for themselves.

Nullo's avatar

I suppose that you could, though the differences will cause friction at some point, unless she’s one of the more casual flavors of Christian.
It is not generally advisable for a Christian to date a non-Christian; for many, it’s easy enough to be swayed without your SO lacking the conviction to help you stay on course.

buckyboy28's avatar

I read the description of this question and just started singing “Jungle Fever” by Stevie Wonder. I know it’s not an interracial thing, but it sounded just like the plot of the movie to me.

efritz's avatar

Yes. That’s what dating is for, to get to know someone you really really like. Well, partly. I think if you guys are meant for each other, you’ll come to understand each other’s viewpoints better, which will probably result in conversion one way or another.

As an aside, three of my aunts married non-christians and converted all of them . . . my family is pretty persuasive, apparently.

kheredia's avatar

I think the only time it will matter is if and when you guys decide to take it to another level. If you want to marry her and have children you will have to decide on how you want to raise your children. If you are both willing to make sacrifices and meet in the middle then the relationship will work, if not then that’s where your differences will break you apart. It’s definitely workable.. you just have to be willing to compromise.

ninjacolin's avatar

you can convert her to atheism, y’know.
just sayin

mcbealer's avatar

Ultimately, only time and both you and your GF have the answer.

A couple of big factors however are:

- how dedicated she is to her beliefs, and will she ever expect you to attend church with her for an example? Also, is she out to change your beliefs or behavior? (not blaspheming God/Jesus Christ for example)

- how does her family feel? If they are devout they will likely not be supportive of your relationship, and that will definitely be problematic

I think as long as you both undrstand that you are entitled to maintain your separate beliefs you’ll be OK. There will be times you will have to agree to disagree. As long as you both remain open-minded your relationship should be fine.

I think it’s beautiful, really. Much luck to you!

Violet's avatar

My boyfriend is Christian, and I am atheist. We have no problems. It doesn’t bother me that he believes in god, and it doesn’t bother him that I don’t.

SABOTEUR's avatar

I think the fact that she’s your girlfriend has already established you’re dating. Who do you choose to guide you…“lots of ppl” or the girl you’re in the relationship with?

SeventhSense's avatar

I already answered this question. Let’s wrap it up.

Likeradar's avatar

@Violet I’m a Jew, and my guy is an atheist. It’s led to some really interesting and educational discussions. It’s helped me think about my beliefs more logically, and I think it’s maybe changed the way he appreciates tradition a little.

SeventhSense's avatar

Oy vey talk about a match made in hell. :)

ninjacolin's avatar

ultimately, I agree with @SABOTEUR and @SeventhSense of course.

myself, i’ve had relationships with mysticism believers. the problem with me is that i like to discuss the issue. i’m okay with every believer’s beliefs, but if i can see why their conclusions are fallacious, i don’t hesitate to let them know that they are walking into a logical pit of hopelessness.

tact is important, but i’m not going to let her cry about going to hell for dating me when the idea is demonstrably preposterous. anyway, i’ve never had an issue with it. people are pretty open minded. I would be courteous and tactful and all that, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to allow them to make stupid logical mistakes.

Violet's avatar

@Likeradar That’s sounds like a very fun and healthy relationship. I’m technically half Jewish, and my boyfriend is fascinated with Jewish food, language, customs, etc. Any time anything Jewish related is mentioned, he asks me a million questions about it. It’s really cute.

ratboy's avatar

It’s okay as long as you both understand that your gf will roast in hell eternally.

SeventhSense's avatar

As long as she worships me it’s all good. :)

Rarebear's avatar

@Likeradar I’m a Jew and an atheist. It’s not a conflict.

SeventhSense's avatar

So you’re just neurotic but not God’s chosen? Seems like you got the short end of that stick ~

Rarebear's avatar

@SeventhSense Not sure where you’re thinking that I’m neurotic. No, I was born to a Jewish family. My grandfather was an atheist, but an Orthodox Jew. Being Jewish was very important to him, as was tradition. My father and mother were the same way, although they were Reform Jews. They taught in the Hebrew school, I was Bar Mitzvahed, and I taught Hebrew and Jewish history. My history and culture is important to me; I just don’t find a place for God. I’m very comfortable with my position.

AstroChuck's avatar

Well, let’s see. I’m an atheist. My wife of twenty-two and a half happy years is Catholic. Hmmm… Of course you can!

Rarebear's avatar

@SeventhSense Never mind, I just got the joke. Sorry!

SeventhSense's avatar

LOL Your answer was almost a neurotic sterotype.

c_will103's avatar

before i answer your question, you answer mine. why are you an atheist anyway?

Likeradar's avatar

@Rarebear I agree with you if you’re talking about following Judaism as a culture vs following Judaism as a religion.

@c_will103 My guess is it’s because he doesn’t believe in God.~

Rsam's avatar


please stop doing this. He asked a question and would appreciate a response, not your self-serving bullshit.

Rarebear's avatar

@c_will103 I’ll be more than happy to tell you the reasons why I’m an atheist. Just not on this question since it’s off topic.

Rarebear's avatar

@Likeradar Actually, I am relatively religious. I light candles every Friday night, we go to services once a month, I try to observe Shabbat when I can, and we celebrate many of the holidays (including Sukkot where I built a sukkah). I just ignore the God bits.

Likeradar's avatar

@Rarebear Do you do those things because of tradition? I’m having a hard time understanding how you can do those things because of religious beliefs instead of tradition if you don’t believe in God.

Rarebear's avatar

@Likeradar I do them because I enjoy doing them. It’s that simple.

Likeradar's avatar

@Rarebear Can’t ask for a better answer than that. :) For the record, I consider myself a Jew as far as tradition and culture goes, but agnostic with regards to the actual religion. I light the menorah and plan to get married under a chuppah, but only because of tradition.

Rarebear's avatar

@Likeradar I can’t tell from your posts if you’re engaged, but Mazel Tov if you are! May you and your fiance’ be filled with many years of happiness

Likeradar's avatar

@Rarebear I’m not. But it’s still my plan one day, and one I’ve shared with my guy when we talk about marriage. But thanks anyway. :)

Banana95's avatar

@Rarebear- if you say you are atheist, it’s obvious you don’t believe in God. Therefore, how can you not believe in God but believe in Satan? Because there is a heaven and a hell- God and Satan- and what does Satan try to do?- pull people away from God. Hmmmm….doesn’t quite make sense huh?.

Rarebear's avatar

@Banana95 What? Where did I say I believed in Satan?

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther