General Question

bean's avatar

Should you play 'hard to get'?

Asked by bean (1327points) February 8th, 2010

What are your thoughts on ‘playing hard to get’?

is it true if you don’t show much affection to a guy he will want you more?
or if you show affection does that make guys more inclined to not care and not make the effort?

Or do some people just like the chase?

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46 Answers

Sophief's avatar

Every guy is different, some like it some don’t. When I met my s/o I made it clear I wanted him, and so we chased each other.

Scooby's avatar

Depends who’s chasing you I guess!? :-/

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Depends on the guy. What you shouldn’t do is lead a guy on that you have no interest in having a relationship with.

gemiwing's avatar

Assuming the guy you’re interested in is a good person and not a jerk-

It’s all about balance, I’ve found. Don’t crowd them and stalk them, yet don’t ignore them and play coy. Best plan is just relax, be yourself and let things happen naturally.

TheJoker's avatar

I suspect it largely depends on the other persons demeaner…. personally if I was interested in someone & they ‘played hard to get’ then I’d move on thinking them to be rather emmotionally immature & into playing games…. playing games pisses me off!

Sophief's avatar

@gemiwing Excellant advice.

Zen_Again's avatar

Depends on whether you want to be got.

With today’s McPatience, twittering about and facebooking hither and dither, don’t play too hard to get. You might find yourself playing hide-and-go-seek all alone.

Sophief's avatar

@TheJoker Me too, I think you grow out of playing games when you get older.

TheJoker's avatar

@gemiwing…. I agree with ‘Dibley’, excellent advice!

TheJoker's avatar

@Dibley…. I think you’re right. When younger jumping through hoops didnt seem to be an problem, maybe it’s a perspective change, when older perhaps you place more importance on the people you meet / associate with.

bean's avatar

personally…. i think playing hard to get is stupid….

but in a relationship, would you also pretend to not care as much?or would you give all your love… is it normal to be the only person in the relationship to be doing everything from phone calls to showing your love?

TheJoker's avatar

@bean…. Well, I’m going to make a difference between whats normal & whats right. I wouldn’t be suprised to find that it’s normal for the woman to do most of those things in a relationship. However, just because it might be normal doesn’t make it right.
Would I pretend not to care as much….? Not exactly. I might tone it down if I REALLY liked the person but wasn;t sure how they felt.

Sophief's avatar

@bean If you are the only do anything then your the only one interested.

Dan_DeColumna's avatar

It also depends on you too. Are you hard to get? If you aren’t, do you think you can pull off “acting” like you’re hard to get? If done unconvincingly, it looks even more pathetic than just throwing yourself at a guy.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

Don’t play anything, just be yourself. You don’t need to take a particular approach or act out a certain role, because then even if you do get the guy he will be interested in this persona rather than you. Be natural, if you like him then show it, and if you don’t then make it clear (tactfully).

bean's avatar

lol for the record, this isn’t about me…. it’s about a friend

deni's avatar

i dont see the point. if you liked a guy and he acted totally disinterested in you, why the hell would you pursue him? and vice versa for girls. whats the attraction? people wanna be liked by the person they like. why not show them you like them.

ps i see this is not about you, so these “you“s are not directed personally at you just to make that clear lol

thriftymaid's avatar

I don’t think you should play with other people’s feelings.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I wouldn’t waste time playing games.

slick44's avatar

Dont play to hard to get or wait too long, you will loose him. lot of guys dont like games.

bean's avatar

@thriftymaid EXACTLY! i’m showing her what you wrote!

her and her guy are both playing eachother…. it’s so annoying but funny, he get’s confused and so does she, but they both come to me and say I like him/her so much, i’m so confused… haha

JLeslie's avatar

No. If you have to play games at the beginning you will most likely have to play games the entire relationship.

kevbo's avatar

You should play “winnable.”

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

It depends on the guy. Some don’t want to play games and will just walk away. There are also some guys who are friendly but don’t want anything more.

phoebusg's avatar

I have to agree with @gemiwing – I like a person to show them their true self. At the first sight of mind games, I lose interest. You can ‘play’ after you get to know each other, this step is crucial.

Especially since relationships depend on good communication, trust passion—all of which depend being yourself.

wundayatta's avatar

This is ridiculous. If you play games like that, then you are looking for a codependent relationship. You are seeking to enmesh with the other person, making them feel needy and insecure and then showering them with love so you can get high on it.

If you do that during courtship, then you’ll probably do that during any ensuing relationship, and that will suck. If you manage to survive until marriage, you can expect lots of periods of misery.

Your friend shouldn’t play games. If the boy she’s interested in plays games then she should get away from him as fast as possible. Relationships—at least healthy ones—are not about games. They are about two people coming to trust each other enough that they can be emotionally intimate with each other.

Playing hard to get is the wrong foot to step off on.

bean's avatar

@wundayatta exactly! it’s like you like some one stop playing mind games other wise they are not going to take you seriously!

CMaz's avatar

“Should you play ‘hard to get’?”

No. It is a childish behavior. Be forward, be honest and be straight up.

Makes things so much easier.

Sophief's avatar

@ChazMaz Yet again another great answer. Your so direct and to the point, not many of us could pull that off.

TheJoker's avatar

@ChazMaz…. You deserve a chat show dude!

bean's avatar

I think…. only time where playing hard to get is even allowed is when you go to bargain…. like in china where you go to a silk market and they are so desperate they’ll lower the price down to anything when you play ‘hard to get’ :D

bean's avatar

The ChazMaz show….. it has a good ring to it

TheJoker's avatar

@bean…. Hell, I’d throw a chair at someone if I was on it :)

life_after_2012's avatar

It depends on how you go about playing hard to get. If you just give your self to someone and don’t make them prove to you they are into you and not just into having sex with you then you might and up getting hurt more often then you should. Guys need to learn how to play hard to get and stop trying to just claim thier prize. Women need to play hard to get because guys are fucked up. Playing hard to get shouldnt be something that is constant, just enough to figure if a person is being false and misleading. Unfortunelty there are alot of smooth talking guys inthis world that could talk a mans wife of 10 yrs into cheating on that man and having no problem with it. I know this seems liek a morbid answer, but this is what i would tell my daughter if she asked. i wouldnt sugar coat what men really do and are about.

bean's avatar

@TheJoker LOL just for the sake of it…

CMaz's avatar

I do a radio program with a friend now and then. It is rather conservative.

I would luv to cut loose.

bean's avatar

omg….. I just realised how bad my jokes were…. They suck so much…. I must be really tired,
I’m going to be now…. good night every one.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I am no longer interested in playing hard to get as I am no longer in high school and don’t have time to waste.

Holden_Caulfield's avatar

It totally depends upon the guy and what issues he has based upon his childhood and past experiences with girls thorughout his life. Some guys love the chase, while others find it a total turn-off. Your best bet: Dig into the history of the guy and act accordingly! Ask ALOT of questions… and LISTEN to the answers… You must completely understand who it is you are dealing with… the outcome is only circumstance unless you know the dynamics behind who it is you are dealing with. Learn as much as you can about yourself, and only then, will you truly know the outcome of any given relationship…

TheJoker's avatar

@bean….. that wasn’t a Starsky & Hutch reference was it? :)

bean's avatar

@bean haha…. it wasn’t my intention for it to be a starsky and hutch reference…. but it can be
what ever floats your boat :)

TheJoker's avatar

@bean…. Hehe, sooo generous of you :) I suppose it could have been a Nike reference too…

bean's avatar

@TheJoker LOL nah starsky and hutch reference is better

TheJoker's avatar

@bean… agreed :)

vbabe96's avatar

I feel that playing hard to get only works if you are not sure you want to be with the person. If you know what you want then go and get it.

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