Social Question

killerkadoogen's avatar

How long does it take most people to be over a break up?

Asked by killerkadoogen (418points) February 9th, 2010

How long does it take most people to be over a break up? I understand it depends on how it happend and if you were dumped. But lets say it was a bad break up how long does it take most people to be ready for someone else?

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23 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

If it takes more than five seconds…you are wasting valuable time.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It varies of course :)

Blackberry's avatar

There is no average. How and who would gather those statistics?

BoyzUp's avatar

If you loved that person, it doesn’t matter if it was a good or bad break up and you won’t get over it soon.

gemiwing's avatar

Dating- a month or so.
Relationship- two months to four.
Serious relationship- years.

TheJoker's avatar

I’d say a couple of months to get over the initial shock of things…. depending on the circumstances, perhaps 6mths before you’re on an even keel. That being said, as a man you’d probably be out on the razzle within a week & degrading urself with a 1 night stand the same night.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

I broke up with a girlfriend and I didn’t get over it for months, however we were living in the same flat and she was having sex with other guys in the room next to me. Perhaps that doesn’t help?

phoebusg's avatar

Personally 48 hours, I do my hurting, thinking, re-arranging fast. But that’s only thanks to partial attachment. If your identity is fully attached to another person, probably a long time. @gemiwing time-scale is more or less accurate. Though it really depends.

Somehow I always manage to be friends with my ex-partners. So that definitely helps, it is not like you’re “losing the person”, as well as the lover, companion etc etc. And same goes for them, the only thing I can promise for sure is a stable friendship.

life_after_2012's avatar

i have had 3 serious relationships in my life. The first lasted about 5 years, It took me 2 years to get over her. my next serious relationship lasted 3 years and it took me a year to let it go. My last relationship lasted a year and took me about 6 months to get over, This is not a formula for break ups. I figured my personal experiance would be better for you then my advice. I am very passionate and loving and thats why it takes me so long to get over someone. What i have learned now is that it doesnt matter how long it takes to get over someone all that matters is i stick to my guns so somebody else can have a chance to pluck at my heart strings, but not untill im completly over ” the ex ” .

jfos's avatar

I would say it depends on how you go about it. If you keep pictures of your ex on your nightstand and still send them messages or call them or check their facebook/social networking profile, it’s going to take longer. If you put anything in your home/room that reminds you of them and give it to a friend, that would help. Some people throw stuff under their bed, but just end up taking it out and getting upset.

Don’t try to move on but grieve and proceed.

TheJoker's avatar

@ModernEpicurian…. Ouch!!! Thats just plain wrong.

CMaz's avatar

Remember… Getting over and getting laid are two different things.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

@TheJoker @jfos
Yeh, just a bit. The bit that truly got to me was that she saw nothing wrong with it. I don’t think that I will ever forgive her.
Oh, and the most awkward part ever, getting up in the middle of the night to get a drink and some random guy is standing in my kitchen in just his boxers drinking out of MY glass. I still don’t know to this day how I didn’t truly freak out.

jfos's avatar

@ModernEpicurian That would be awkward. Not really worth freaking out over though. If I were in that strange situation, I might’ve just grabbed another glass and said something along the lines of “so are you the guy with the job?” I feel that that would be such an ambiguous but seemingly conspiracy-esque question.

TheJoker's avatar

@ModernEpicurian…. Hay Caramba! I think you deserve a pat on the back & a yard of ale for showing such restraint!

EdMayhew's avatar

A very general rule of thumb is that it will take about half as long as the time you were together to move on completely, that said however, there are those relationships where you’ll never forget.


susanc's avatar

It doesn’t matter how long it takes other people.
Thank your grief for the information it’s giving you. Learn. Trying to hurry will make it last longer. But take his picture off the nightstand for sure.

ModernEpicurian's avatar

@jfos I think my exact words were, “So… enjoying yourself?”. I had pretty much walked back out of the room by the time he tried to answer. I felt as though I won that war.

@TheJoker Yeh, a yard of ale would be pretty nice around now…

ubersiren's avatar

@Cruiser While what you say is true, (the person isn’t worth your pain) it’s very difficult to simply cut off your feelings for someone if you’re not ready. You can’t blame someone for having trouble letting go. In fact, call me crazy, but I think it’s healthy to grieve the loss of someone you love. Human emotion isn’t meant to be clicked on and off. If I had my arm amputated, it ultimately wouldn’t be worth getting upset over because I’d just have to learn to live without it anyway, but it’s a major life change and I’m bound to be emotional about it.

My worst break up took 2 years to get over. In that two years, I learned a lot about myself, about relationships, and about the world. It was essential for my complete healing to take the time and feel every leg of the journey.

evandad's avatar

Different times for different people and relationships. I sometimes find myself pining over a girl who broke my heart 25 years ago.

lilikoi's avatar

I think someone once told me something like half the total time that you’re together. It’s probably a decent general rule of thumb.

And then of course some people think you never really get over serious relationships, you just learn to live without them.

Cruiser's avatar

@ubersiren at my age…the hyper sense you gain that life is too short you begin to realize that time is all you have and to waste even one second over love lost is a second you won’t have with a new love found. The proverbial is you cup ½ empty or ½ full. Time is something you can never regain…you can only spend it and to spend even a minute over a lost love seems to me such a waste of time…

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