General Question

phatbaby0123's avatar

Okay, so my girlfriend & I got together AS SOON AS her and her ex broke up. I go through her phone and see pics and stuff, but she no longer has her number. What should I do?

Asked by phatbaby0123 (79points) February 10th, 2010

I understand she still loves her, but why is she still holding on? When I ask her about it, she says she never got to it. Like, it doesn’t make sense. How do I respond to that?

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22 Answers

TheJoker's avatar

I’d be inclined to say, dont push it. I understand that you find it upsetting, but if you’ve already conveyed that to your gf then anything else you say is going to seem like nagging. If, after a while it becomes clear she has no intention of removing them, then have a proper sit down chat, where you put your side accross WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY! If, after this she still does nothing, then I’d say she’s not really that into you.

MrItty's avatar

I will never understand people who think that just because a relationship ends, you should disavow all knowledge of it ever having happened. She has happy memories with her ex. Just because she’s with you now doesn’t mean those memories are suddenly no longer happy. It’s her past. It’s part of her life. What do you care?

Retaining pictures indicative of happy memories has absolutely nothing to do with how happy she is in the present. Be happy for her that she has these happy memories. Share some of your happy memories with her too. Be secure enough in your own relationship to realize that she’s with you now, and she wouldn’t be with you if she didn’t want to be. Keeping old pictures doesn’t mean she wants to be with her ex. It just means she doesn’t want to forget. Nor should she have to.

Janka's avatar

Did you ask her permission before you went through her phone?

Cruiser's avatar

Depending on how long you have been together, maybe she just hasn’t got around to cleaning house yet. You will have bigger fish to fry down the road…enjoy your time together.

phatbaby0123's avatar

Thanks to you all! :)
To Mritty, I understand, but like she has a whole album of her. But I do understand where you’re coming from, and I truly appreciate it. I never looked at it that way. I guess I was being so insecure, that I didn’t realize it.
To Janka, yes I did. She was right beside me as I was going through it.
& thanks Cruiser, I believe now, I was foolishly over reacting.
Thank You!

marinelife's avatar

Your concern over this is a bit of a concern.

Being possessive and wanting all pictures gone and all memory erased is not a very healthy attitude.

Rebound relationships can be difficult.

Trillian's avatar

Your first mistake was getting together so quickly after the demise of her other relationship. She has a lot of internal processing to do. You may find that in a couple months you’re less happy even than you are now.

augustlan's avatar

I agree that people should not have to ‘throw away’ memories. However, if it bothers you that they are on her phone, perhaps suggest she move them to a special folder on her computer. Sort of like putting old love letters in a box.

phatbaby0123's avatar

Thanks again. Everything is okay. I talked to her about it, & I was just over reacting.

MrItty's avatar

@phatbaby0123 good to know. That may be the best “Great Answer” possible. :-)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Don’t go through her phone! Develop trust.

MrItty's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Nothing in the post indicated that she went through her g/f’s phone without her permission.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@MrItty nothing to the contrary either.

MrItty's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Exactly. So why are you assuming – with no facts either way – that the person is being deceptive? Do you always assume the worst of people until they prove otherwise?

At the very least you could have asked if she’d had permission, rather than making the assertion that she didn’t and criticizing her for your baseless assertion.

strikes me rather like your s/o getting pissed at you for something you did in their dream…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@MrItty all right. guess we’ll hear from the OP.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@phatbaby0123 so did you have permission?

phatbaby0123's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Indeed, I did have permission. Matter of fact, we we’re going through each other phones at the same exact time!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@phatbaby0123 ignore my comment, then. my apologies.

Janka's avatar

Glad to hear you had the permission, and that it all sorted itself out.

I agree with all the people who said there’s nothing wrong in keeping memories. Some people like to document even the bad stuff in their lives, let alone past good memories. It does not necessarily imply any wish to go back.

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