General Question

lonelydragon's avatar

Is it impolite to tell a relative or friend something bad that someone else has said about them?

Asked by lonelydragon (7750points) February 12th, 2010

Someone in my life has been doing this to me, and I can’t decide whether I should take it as a heads-up or assume that the person enjoys spreading gossip and creating dissension. This person claims that s/he is trying to help, but it makes me wonder if s/he agrees with the nasty things that the other party is saying. II believe that if you want to support someone, be a true friend and try to lift him/her up, not bring him/her down by repeating insults that detractors have made. But maybe I have the wrong perspective. So how would you take it if a friend or family member did this to you? Would you be thankful for that knowledge, or would you think that the other person is merely participating in the gossip chain for his/her own pleasure?

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10 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It most certainly is.Tell her you don’t care to hear it anymore.Life is too short to put up with that bullshit.

janbb's avatar

Only you can decide what you think the motivation is of the person passing on the gossip; you know them far better than us. If you find it destructive and don’t want to hear it, you need to tell this person that you don’t want them passing such stories on to you. Each time they try, repeat that you don’t want to hear it, and if necessary, diminish your invovlement with that friend or relative.

Sophief's avatar

It could be both. Some people like to spread gossip, but on the other hand they could just be looking out for you. I would appreciate it if someone told me, though I would be wary as to if they were telling the truth or not. I trust no one.

slick44's avatar

This person is gossiping, and it sounds like they are trying to hurt you. I would confront them and tell them you dont appreciate them spreading rumors or telling everyone your buisness.And you would like it to stop.

thriftymaid's avatar

Not always. Your motive in telling them is usually the deciding factor.

stump's avatar

I would ask them to stop. If someone is spreading rumors about you, let your actions show the real you, and the people who know you will discount the rumors.

marinelife's avatar

What is the motivation for passing on the bad stuff that is said about one? It can’t be to make the person feel better.

Far better that this person protest when they hear the bad things said rather than pass them on.

cookieman's avatar

Yes. Perpetuating rumors and gossip and hurtful statements makes you an (unwitting) accomplice IMHO. Ideally you should tell the other person you don’t care to hear such things.

Of course, if that’s not true and you enjoy hearing such things, at least have the decency to not tell the other person. What does it accomplish by telling them? Other than hurting their feelings?

Judi's avatar

Sounds like someone trying to create drama. Distance is the best cure I’ve found for drama. I love my family from 800 miles away!

HungryGuy's avatar

It depends on the level of friendship. If the person who passed on the remarks was someone who we confide in each other a lot, I’d take it that she’s letting me know that the person who is originating the remarks isn’t a friend. Then, if she keeps it up, then I’d start to get suspicious of her as well.

And if the person isn’t someone who we confide in each other, then I’d be suspicious of both her and the person allegedly making othe original statements. This person could just be trying to make trouble for the other person.

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