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Just_Justine's avatar

Did you ever change from being trusting and filled with love, to being disillusioned and not trusting of people?

Asked by Just_Justine (6486points) February 12th, 2010

I’ve been told I am too trusting; I also have a genuine love for people and share kindness where I can. Lately over a period of time due to different circumstances and events I have become appalled at a lot of people. In terms of their self driven desire to suite themselves at the expense of other people. At the end of each day I consider if I have harmed another person in some way and it plays on my mind until I sort it out. It seems though that most people these days don’t bother and carry on as normal. I guess my trust has been blown too many times and I have been hurt over and over. I now have reached a state of complete inertia
Where I do not believe any goodness exists. It terrifies me. What has happened to people? What happened to kindness, values, honesty and integrity? Are they outdated in today’s society? But most of all, how do I overcome this deep sorrow for the loss of what I feel is basic humanity. How do I overcome how lost I feel in terms of ever believing there are humans out there that are not agenda driven? Now I think I will never trust again, and this basic love I have for people has gone. I feel like an empty shell. I really need to sort this out and would appreciate your insights.

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21 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yes and then I changed back – life and love ebb and flow.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

There will always be people out there that who are not decent,but rest assured that there are people who have the good qualities you describe.Really :)

Snarp's avatar

I became much less trusting, but I am more filled with love than at any prior time in my life.

Spirit_of_the_Nomad's avatar

From your description we are similar in our views on this subject; I finally realized that most people don’t recognize a lot of the kindness and little things and oppositely don’t realize they are acting selfishly, its just how they are. I’ve decided that I will continue to move as selflessly as possible through this life and, as you put it, share kindness where I am able regardless of others’ responses because that is who I want to be. I am more reserved and a bit jaded when it comes to trusting people but the ones who will hurt you or let you down for their own gain won’t give you a second thought and I refuse to let them get to me. I’ve continued doing little acts of good and trying to live up to my own standards but I’ve stopped expecting others to meet them long ago.

clioi's avatar

yes, unfortunately that has happened to me. that was pretty much how i’d always been, very naive and illusioned. one of the main things that burst my bubble was my boyfriend cheating on me. without going into too much detail, we eventually worked it out after a long on-off period, but it was never quite the same. it happened again after i got to college. i wasn’t hurt exactly but i got to know people on a more intimate level and i’m not sure that i like everything i’ve found. i think that’s the main difference between my childhood and now.

marinelife's avatar

I have had the opposite experience. I started out not being trusting of people. I was very skeptical and cynical.

Life has opened my heart. I have seen human goodness over and over again.

Some people are bad, but that is no reason to close your heart to people and the world. I am sorry that life has knocked you around, and you ahve encountered bad people.

Please do not believe that they represent all of humanity.

stratman37's avatar

I have sworn off helping beggers. I’ve been burned too many times before, and I just don’t have any compassion left for them.

Other people though, I think the risk is worth it. I’d hate to go through life just shutting everyone out.

It’s like that scene in Parenthood where Steve Martin’s character is hearing his mother (grandmother?) describe life like a roller coaster ride. It’s scary, but after you realize you’re not gonna get hurt or die, you’re ready to do it again.

wundayatta's avatar

I get hurt by people—sometimes badly—but after I’ve gotten over the initial pain, I usually come to understand they did what they did because of things they didn’t know or understand or because they couldn’t control their reactions. People are pretty much looking for the same thing. Those who have been hurt, usually by parents, might behave differently—as if everything is a game to get over on someone. To some degree, we’re probably all damaged. Cut us a break. We’re only human.

Master's avatar

I’m in the same frame of mind as you at this moment.

James_Mal's avatar

People suck. Find a few after years of searching and being broken down that are worth keeping, but that’s about it.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Yes. I was always told I was too trusting, too giving with those I loved. I don’t think I was too much of anything except spinning my wheels on people without the reciprocal feelings I wanted. The bad thing is after getting up enough nerve a few years back to love again, it was misplaced and now I find myself struggling to be the hopeful, energetic, loving and trusting person I was with a partner who really deserves all that from me.

Cruiser's avatar

I will always give people the benefit of the doubt…they screw up…their loss and those moments of disappointment are short lived as I know enough people I can trust to not let the occasional douche mess up my happy boy perspective on life.

cookieman's avatar

Yes, but the digression took from age fourteen to into my thirties.

Now I’m 38 and trying to shed some of the cynicism and regain some hope and belief in other people.

believe it or not, Fluther has actually helped me with this

Berserker's avatar

I think so. I’m a seething mass of hatred and I don’t trust anyone, but I suppose that’s probably because I’d slit my own mama’s throat for a nickel to begin with.

SeventhSense's avatar

It seems though that most people these days don’t bother and carry on as normal. I guess my trust has been blown too many times and I have been hurt over and over. I now have reached a state of complete inertia
And that in my experience is the starting point at which one finds out how good one really is. We live in a society which rewards self absorption, elevates form over substance and dismisses honesty and accountability as weakness. Rationality is seen as relative to expediency and values questionable.
We don’t have to participate. Be strong. Integrity is its own reward.

I inherited some sickness from my parents and the more I try to separate from it, the more I see myself. I can’t escape the fact that my pointing finger has three pointing back at me. Of course that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t separate from dysfunction but it helps me from poisoning myself further by imagining it’s all black and white.

thriftymaid's avatar

Don’t let that happen to you.

Sophief's avatar

I trust no one. Trust should be earned.

Just_Justine's avatar

@Dibley so wise, I wish I could rewind though, I trusted too many but hey too late now right.

definitive's avatar

I feel for you because I have very similar thoughts and have had similar discussions with my SO. My personal opinion is that you probably will always have trust issues because you’ve been on the receiving end of people not respecting you enough to not subject you to pain. I don’t know you’re story but imagine and can see that you give a lot of yourself in situations, including empathy, respect and compassion. I believe that you deserve it in return.

I’m saying this to you as this is exactly how I feel about myself. I refuse to change for anybody and a ‘professional’ team manager in social services who I worked with even stated that ‘I was to get more cynical’ answer to this is that I point blank refuse to change for anybody. I like who I am. I perhaps just expect people to be more like me.

I am beginning to step back and try to understand that people don’t think like me and accept that that is who they are and we are all a product of genetics, our environment and social construct etc…

My answer to you is that trust is earned but the minute that trust is broken…that’s it they’ve lost you at that level but that’s their loss. Don’t change for anybody you sound like a lovely person.

Just_Justine's avatar

@definitive I know what you mean when you say “You expect people to be more like you”. And I have no idea really what made me draw the conclusion that all people are basically good. Because on this earth their are murderers, child molesters, animal beaters, I guess we meet a few diamonds amongst the stones and we need to keep them close! A lot of people on fluther are diamonds. I am very blessed to be here. Thank you for your kind words :)

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