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Oxymoron's avatar

Guys and Girls, have you been in a relationship for a while and then things changed?

Asked by Oxymoron (1239points) February 14th, 2010

By changed I mean with the person themselves. I always hear stories about the girls gaining weight because they know that the guy will be there and the guy letting himself go as well. Have you ever experienced this or heard first hand of this happening? Also, hve they ever changed their personality? How romantic they are?

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20 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

Every person in a long term relationship will experience some type of change in their life. An understanding partner knows how to accept these changes and still love their partner.

dpworkin's avatar

What human being does not change over time, physically and otherwise?

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

Sure – I HOPE that people change in a relationship and grow.

Lightlyseared's avatar

Yes. I got married.

rangerr's avatar

Yes. After 3 years, we had both changed a lot.
The first year was fantastic. It was as perfect as a relationship could be, imo.
He became bitter and less loving as I realized how dedicated and forgiving because of love I had become.
The romance had turned into just sex.
That relationship ended in a firey mess.
Basically, I loved too much, he was too angry.

susanc's avatar

Yes. After 20 years, we had both gained 20 pounds and his nice children had grown up and left home and we had a different dog and a new carpet, and he had a graduate degree and I had a good practice and we had inherited some money and we’d been to Mexico three times.
But we stayed together anyway.

Sarcasm's avatar

Not really changed, but she showed her true colors over time.
When the relationship began, I knew that she had smoked pot before. By about 4 months into the relationship I learned that she was an avid drug user, and always kept weed on her [even in her bag at high school]. She regularly went out drinking, and occasionally went off to raves doing who-knows-what drugs.

That’s the biggest example of how she “changed”, but for the most part, she was a very different person than who I thought she was when we first got into the relationship.

And that’s why you should never trust a Trekkie. /shudder.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Yes. She decided she wanted to sleep with men other than me and decided not to tell me.
This profoundly changed our relationship.

missinghim's avatar

Yes,My ex husband decided to tell me he was an illegal immigrant after i married him…I found out when i opened his wallett..I know its not right to go through your mans wallet but something didnt seem right so i found out then he ran and havent seen nor talked to him since…did i mention he was a totally dif person than i thought in the beginning?So yes people change things change and if you can make it through changes without it affecting your relatoinship then hold on to him or her thats rare and hard to find :)

susanc's avatar

Sadness abounds, don’t it? when we don’t really know someone perfectly and then they disappoint us. I’d like to add to my previous remarks that my husband was very, very committed pothead who sometimes struggled to get free of it and sometimes succeeded, but he needed it, and it put a big distance between us, because, as they say in the 12-step programs, the addict’s primary relationship is with the addictive substance. So, yes. “people change things change and if you can make it through changes without it affecting your relationship then hold on to him or her thats rare and hard to find”. Thank you @missinghim – and I would even add, even if it does “affect your relationship”, maybe hold on anyway.

Cruiser's avatar

I am older that is inevitable…I am heavier by choice I suppose but still in great shape…I am richer for better or for worse, I can cook, play a mean guitar and I can still KYA! ;)

CyanoticWasp's avatar

If you get into a relationship with a person who doesn’t change, then I have bad news for you. That person is dead.

LeotCol's avatar

I’m with my girlfriend a year and a half now. Even though this would be concidered a short amount of time for a lot of people, its a long time for me. I have changed and so has she. Not so much physically as how much we are comfortable around each other and not afraid to show our personalities no matter how crazy they are. Pretty darn crazy

aprilsimnel's avatar

Two of my exes let themselves go, gained a lot of weight, became unkempt in their appearance, etc. All the nice things they did in the wooing stage abruptly ended about 3–4 months into the relationship.

Apparently, that drop-off in romance is to be expected in any long-term relationship.

knitfroggy's avatar

I think everyone in a long term relationship changes over time, because, people change. Not necessarily for the worse, but people do just change.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I was in a relationship with my first wife for about 36 years. Things changed, and she filed for divorce.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

Hell ya. When I was dating my ex she became extremely possessive, untrusting, and complained about everything I was doing. She never started out like that for the longest time until she moved in with me. I mostly think that happened after we had a serious breakdown in communication.. guys and girls, never ever let your communication break down or else you could have some serious problems later on. Also, if you are having emotional issues or otherwise that disrupt your daily behavior’s make sure you explain that to your spouse or else people tend to think you are doing things you aren’t supposed to be doing.

borderline_blonde's avatar

Frequently. My last boyfriend became more controlling and manipulative over time. He stopped taking me out to expensive restaurants and stopped wanting to try to cooperate to resolve issues. It was the complete opposite of how he was at the beginning of the relationship. Of course, I changed as well as I started figuring out more what I want from life. I definitely became more serious in manner.

There’s also the natural evolution of a relationship to take into consideration. One relationship I was in just sort of flowed from a romantic relationship to a deep friendship. People are not static creatures, making change in any relationship inevitable… but it definitely makes things interesting ;)

Sophief's avatar

Not in this relationship. I always do my absolute best to look my absolute best for him. I have never even had one night where I have “let myself go”. I always want to look good for him. He always looks good for me too.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I waited near a year for a chance to go out with a particular man to find out he was an alcoholic and drug abuser. Though he would do just about (anything else) to try and make me happy and think this would make him happy, we often argued and I felt it all came back to his drinking and drugging. He got rid of the drugs and our relationship improved, he got rid of the drinking and we have little to argue. In fact, we’re enjoying thinking up ways to get healthier together, talk and better be open with each other as well as have a game plan for tough times he will face when his stress is high and he thinks about drinking.

Instead of getting fat, he’s slimming down, I’m less insecure, we are both sleeping better so these are changes I’m all for!

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