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Kokoro's avatar

Found out my ex has someone new. Help me get through this?

Asked by Kokoro (1419points) February 16th, 2010

Please see my previous question for more detail about my relationship with my ex.

It hurts because he would talk about how “disgusting” it was when someone dated someone else so soon after a break up. Now, only after a week that he messaged me “Know that I am waiting for us in the future. I love you, I will do anything to be with you…” I heard from my friends that he was being friendly with another girl. I don’t know what to do. Help? Moving on is so hard to do, especially in a small city and living in the same dorm.

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13 Answers

MrGV's avatar

Go find someone else for yourself….

rangerr's avatar

“Being friendly with another girl” doesn’t always mean she’s his new girl..
Take a deep breath and go out and find someone you connect with.. not necessarily to date, but find someone you can be happy being around. That’ll make it easier to ignore him being around another girl.

marinelife's avatar

These are your words:

“Before I finally broke up with my ex … he was abusive towards me and incredibly selfish. He was stingy, blamed me for everything, we even went to counseling and he accused me of “not sticking up for him.” Sure he had some good qualities, but mostly only with words and sweet talking. That is always what pulled me in. He also made me believe our arguments were always my fault and would say things like, “I’m not talking to you unless you say sorry,” and if I didn’t say the first word to him he would ignore him until I did. He disrespected my friends and family as well.”

Just tape them where you can read them over and over again.

Let someone else have him. That is what they will be getting!

Kokoro's avatar

I know, thanks everyone. It’s just that it’s such a small area and I haven’t met anyone I can really “connect” with. I wish I had a best friend here at least, but I only have regular friends. I definitely do not want to jump back into dating right now.

As for my ex being friendly with another girl, he would never do that unless he was with them. His personality is not touchy feely at all.

This is all just so hard to grasp since he was begging me to come back to him and now this. :(

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

If he was always disgusted by moving on quickly in the past, maybe he is trying to get to you. It is never easy to move on, but maybe realising what a fool he is will help. He doesn’t deserve you if he is going to act like you said in @marinelife‘s quote.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Make an effort to meet someone new every day, male or female, or take a little time to find out something new about someone you know. The distraction will be good, and you never know what you’ll turn up.

A fickle guy, you don’t need. It’s all a head game.

Cruiser's avatar

Time to change the channel and let go of the past. Life is too short to worry about what you can no longer have…look forward not back.

wundayatta's avatar

This guy was abusive to you and you feel bad that he’s got a new girl? This guy was stalking you and now it bothers you he’s got a new girl?

Please. Get a grip. This is a good thing. I guess sometimes the abused loves the abuser, thinking that he really loves her because he hurts her. It’s not true. This guy is obsessive and he hurts you, and you are lucky to be rid of him without getting hurt.

I’m worried about you, though. Your obsession with this boy is not healthy. I think you are right not to start a new relationship any time soon. Your self-worth should have nothing to do with who loves you or who doesn’t love you. Your self-worth should have to do with who you are outside of who loves you.

I know it’s hard to get your mind off relationships. They seem like the only thing that matters and all you want to think about. Whatever you can do to change your focus will only help you. Work, school, whatever you do. Friends—make it a project to develop a best friend. Anything so that you can calm down and learn to control your obsessive tendencies.

Steve_A's avatar

What I don’t understand is why exactly you feel so hurt after you broke up and for good reasons too, considering the last question I read you are both better off.

He is your ex. boyfriend you may still love him or have feelings but what he does now is his own business really.

Why do you feel the need to lean on someone so much, friends and what not is fine, but maybe you need to build and work on yourself more instead of looking out to other things that have lost there meaning if you will at this point.

Sophief's avatar

I thought he was abusive to you, and that you had to get an injunction out on him, because he was bothering you? Do you miss the abuse? Because the abuse IS your ex, you have finally got him to stop, he has someone new, she will now get the abuse.

Kokoro's avatar

Thanks everyone for the advice. I will try these, though I know time is most healing. I just wish it would come sooner. I don’t know why I love him even though he was such a jerk.

marinelife's avatar

@Kokoro Whenever you start longing for him or the old relationship, substitute thoughts of the bad things he did. It will kill your yearning quickly/

Barbiegrit's avatar

Buy the book “why does he do that” about abusive men. I promise it will open your eyes and u won’t regret reading it. Not sure of the author

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